Have you ever had a dream where you feel so distraught? I have and it’s pretty depressing. It always ends the same way, me being alone and sad. Always starts off being wonderful, the perfect guy. The cliché perfect guy we all imagine… yeah I have mine too. Anyways, this perfect guy is a frat guy. I am strangely attracted to frat guys, probably a bad thing, but oh well. Okay so it starts with us being at a party and having fun. Or at least that’s what I was hoping for… doesn’t go that way though. My boyfriend, Matt, takes me to a quiet place and says we need to talk. Uh oh… the dreadful we need to talk. So yeah he breaks up with me and says that he’ll always love me but he just can’t be with me right now. Him saying that just made me die inside. All of a sudden the party didn’t seem so amazing anymore. I just wanted to escape and be alone. I left the party, went to my car and broke down… the throbbing of my chest felt horrible and inescapable. Upon my arrival at my apartment, I just needed to lie in bed and cry myself to sleep… I woke up the next morning hoping it all to be a dream, but the sad reality made it clear it wasn’t. I really did love Matt and it was going to be hard to let go of him but I knew I had to. Months passed and I slowly got over him, it was hard, but my Leo instincts kicked in to help me move on. When he got a new girlfriend, I knew it was coming because he’s a frat guy, but I just didn’t expect it to happen since we really did love each other… I guess I just had to deal. I was not expecting what would happen next though… he met in an accident. I had to find out from people I didn’t really talk to. No one felt the need to tell me that he was in the hospital, I get it, I wasn’t his girlfriend anymore, but I still cared about him. I decided to visit him at the hospital. I waited outside and I saw his friends, they were surprised to see me, which I didn’t get. Anyways I went in the room only to see him with his girlfriend; I was about to walk out again but he saw me and called my name. I turned around again and said hi, his girlfriend giving me the death glare. I said I would just come back another day but he insisted on me staying, that did not make his girlfriend happy. As she walked out and passed me, she whispered he’s mine. We never got along, partly because we were from different worlds, her being a sorority girl and me, a nerd pretty much. Matt looked on me and I looked on him, both not knowing what to say. So I decided to be the one to start. I told him how happy I am that he’s okay and nothing serious happened and he responded with me always being caring. How could I just say thank you without questioning it? He broke up with me with no reason and I’m supposed to just accept that he’ll always love me and yet still broke up with me. So I had to ask. I asked him and he got serious… for what? I have no idea. I wasn’t going to be the one to pressure him for an answer at this moment, given his current condition so I just told him I’m really happy he’s okay and walked away. Why did I have to still be in love with him and care so much? It just causes heartache… a few weeks went by and I went on with my daily schedule of studying for MCAT. Going to Library West one day I saw him and pretended that I didn’t so I wouldn’t have to talk to him. Unfortunately, he saw me and called my name. I had no choice but to look and go over to where he was. I asked him what he wanted and he replied that I was being cold. I was not being cold, I just didn’t want to talk to him and I needed to study. I set it clear that I had to study and he looked at me with the eyes I fell in love with and asked if I could take a few minutes so we could talk. I hesitated but agreed. He started by saying that he broke up with me because I deserve better than him and he didn’t want to be in the way for my success. How dare he? I am old enough to make my own decision and decide what I want. I think he was an amazing guy, still is and I still love him but he doesn’t think I deserve him. I look at him, teary eyed and tell him he had no right to make that decision for me. He then looks at me apologizing and says he still loves me, but it’s too late because he’s with Megan and he doesn’t want to break up with her. So I’m left with him loving me, but not wanting to be with me. Just my luck. Stupid me for thinking he’d break up with her and come back to me… so much for hopeful thinking. And the dream ends this way with me still with a broken heart…
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