Hello Dude, so great that you caught me on a weekend with some time to spare. Year end at school is always so manic. I still haven’t got through all my prep for 2013, so I’ll have to go back when the doors of the school are shut. Humph… oh well, better to be prepared than have the teenagers run riot!
Thanks for both the mails, I can’t deny that I’m incredibly envious of all the fun and games you are getting up to in London, those two girls sound like they both made your evening and answered your prayers ;D I trust you didn’t save their numbers under an already logged hair colour… ok, sorry, that’s nasty, if true… glad you are enjoying yourself, and, as Dibs put it, exhausting us just by reading what you are up to! On the topic of Dibs, Shannan did ask him if his name could be used in our writing, and he was keen, so long as he didn’t get any negative mail about it, but I’m thinking that he is only just starting to realise how fabulous he is and how much God loves him, so we best not add his comments into our correspondence for now. It may be a shock to his system and I don’t think he has quite realised that we are all genuinely apart of a never-ending story just yet. He’s such an amazing soul, so exciting that he’s finally opening the doors to put it into practice :) I’m sure he’ll start commenting again one day, until then, let’s just stick to our correspondence, ok? Cool. I’m thrilled you finally got to the Booksie site though, well done ;-)
Ah yes, the ‘Shannan and I’ deal. It is Shannan’s site and she does all the commenting and corresponding, and I have the password too and pop up a few things every now and then. It really works well as I prefer the anonymity. She, however, is of the opinion that no-one should have aliases because we should all be proud of what we create and own it. I don’t have the guts to own it all just yet, maybe, one day, but not for now. I’m happy to just be an, heh, heh, what you’ve named me, an ‘angel’ in this moment…
I remember those snowy London months; I really loved it, like the world had been hushed. It was pure magic. The transport was another story though, I remember when I was in tears in the back of the bus the one time, because it took me hours to get to my destination and I was so very late because of those tubes just stopping. Horrid memory, just horrid. Good luck out there, hopefully see you around Christmas, but if not, that’s ok, we have plenty of time to email.
I love that you are as genuine as I am, and I love that I can ‘rile you up’ it gives me a distinct sadistic pleasure. Heh heh, I’ve always told you that you aren’t going to meet ‘the one’ in a club, but you never listen. Next time, have some salad with the whine ;-) Girls are brought up with the idea that they will be defined by who they marry. Girls are born with the desire to exist in a relationship and you guys are brought up defining yourself by independence and power levels. We aren’t ‘hanging on’ as such; it’s more like we are trying to get someone to be in relationship with us. Sadly, many force that relationship by creating the visage that the man has independence and power in the relationship. It really is one big unhealthy mess in my opinion. One guy actually told me he reckons that men, overall, are seriously ‘messed’ (he used a more ‘masculine’ word) up… and I would agree, anyone who thinks that life is all about independence and power has things seriously ‘messed’ up! When women are in their thirties, then we are seen, by the traditionalists that surround and influence us, to be ‘over-the-hill’. We are, historically speaking, proving that we are incapable of fulfilling our ‘purpose’ of relationship with a man, and ergo motherhood. I think the ‘traditionalists’ have it seriously wrong, but most women don’t spend time with themselves, learning about their own ideals and purposes, so they stay locked in the cycle and become desperate, and ‘hang on’… ugh, I can’t stand the whole socialisation process, it’s detestable! Sorry Dude, all girls who are brought up on this planet will have ‘issues’, purely because we’ve been socialised. Stop daydreaming; you know as well as anyone that I have loads of ‘issues’. No way on earth I’m introducing you to any of my friends, period. Not even to help you learn to drink tea, and that is a feeble excuse if ever I read one. Why don’t you stop haunting clubs for ‘action’ and hook up with rotary debating or the round table society, those girls often have their heads on straight.
Heh, heh, I bet you were ‘that drunk’, I’m just saying ;) I’m not going to be making you breakfast, unless it’s you and loads of others on holiday together and I’m on the roster to cook. Yes, jerk is a jerk. Love your honesty too; no-one’s stopping you from making babies ;)
Right … point 1… Yes, therapy. It was one of the avenues I had to try, goodness knows I’ve tried so many. Therapy didn’t work, the counsellor irritated me. I didn’t think I needed therapy, but my mother told me I did, so she paid for me to go and I went to keep her happy and try the option. Fail on that one. Jerk didn’t ‘do’ anything to me, that’s the point, that’s the ludicrousness of the situation. We had one dance at a Christmas Party, and I’ve been dancing for decades, and my soul says, this is it, this is ‘the one’. One dance, just one, it’s ridiculous, completely irrational, ludicrous! He point blank wants nothing to do with me (and I don’t blame him), so that’s another firm reason for the soul to shut up already, but it’s not listening. It’s all quite revolting. I did email the guy, I was very up front with the challenge I was facing; the counsellor told me I had to email him. Jerk actually replied, which I thought most odd, because, like you didn’t reply to Brunette and ignored her for the 2 weeks, I figured he would do the same… I was wrong, he sent a patronising response instead, so I replied with more brutal honesty than I have ever communicated in before, and I politely explained what questions had been bothering me. Again, instead of ignoring me, he replies to tell me never to contact him again. So I told him he was being irrational and never contacted him again. Bam, finito. So, once again, you are right, he isn’t going to surprise you and has earned his jerk status… sigh… I only wish I could use all this obvious information to convince myself of the fact. It is the most ridiculously frustrating space to be in. It’s making me a very annoyed and irritated character, and everyone thinks I’ve lost the plot because the jerk evidence is SO OBVIOUS. Ghastly, just ghastly.
I think you’ve hit the nail on the head with the ‘Achilles’ Heel’ point. Don’t worry about it, God has a plan and one day it shall be revealed, but goodness knows, somehow, I’m going to get a story out of it, mark my words! Even if I have to get Shannan to write it for me. Thank-you for offering to help – really appreciate that, BIG HUGS. You’re right again, drinking never did become me, I remember crying more than giggling! Ok, no jumping into chariots for me ;) I read you in black and white Dude.
Point two… physio says my muscles are quote: ‘in a disgusting state’. So I’m going to be going back for a while. With the whole mind, body, soul imbalance thing, the family rubbish, work nonsense and car stress and yuck, yuck, yuck other stuff, my body is screaming no, no, no, and there’s nothing I can do about it, except let a woman beat all of it out of me on a regular basis. It sucks.
Ha ha ha, I’m put in my place… I wasn’t technically ‘with’ the three of them; I was just practicing my excellent time management skills. Jade and the restaurant for food, Clay for those incredible dances and kisses, and Jack for a gym partner. None of them actually asked me on a ‘date’ remember ;) I liked Tania, what happened there?
Marriage… well, it’s not that I’m ‘anti-marriage’, I’m simply ‘anti-contracts-governing-relationships’. If a man and a woman desire to be there for each other, then they should not need pieces of paper, or legalities, to trap them and cage them into ‘til death do us part’. It’s so unrealistic. The only guarantee in life is that we change, if you have a contract that says you may not change, then all you are doing is creating one big guilt fest for being a human being. It makes no sense to me. Stand in front of people and promise God that you are going to be super human, and then sign a piece of legal paperwork that binds you, cages you and suffocates your soul, making you stuck. Human nature is meant to soar and I don’t think ‘institutions’ help anything soar, look at the education system, what a mess. The political, medical, financial, corporate, legal, government ‘institutions’ and their fraud, corruption, war, backstabbing, immorality, corrupted ethics, and usually all because someone wants a piece of paper signed to say they have more power and ‘someone’ else will submit. I can’t stand it. I’m not going to be with someone because I have to be, ‘legally’, I desire to be with someone because I desire with all I am to be there, unconditionally, by my choice and self-discipline. Once again, I’m being far too idealistic, but that’s how I feel, as I said, we live in a socialised society, contexts, rules, expectancies etc etc etc… basically I guess, sorry I’m ranting… I don’t desire to stand in front of God and make a promise I’m not 200% sure I can keep. My problem, I desire the love, but not the compulsory…
Look at you, soul-searching and making an effort to uplift yourself beyond the rubbish on earth. Well done Dude, I’m very proud of you :) Keep going, don’t stop, the journey is incredible! Tough too, seriously tough, but incredible. Go for it! Ah, you made me smile again, thank-you. I can’t believe you genuinely have put me on this angel-status trip, you are such a dork. But AMEN to all that, you type the truth. God is good, and things are in His plan. Ha ha ha, I remember that night at Monkey Puzzle! How funny! Look at you going all wise on me Obi One ;-) Let God hold me? So much easier said than done, but I think you are totally right, what a beautiful place to rest…you can pester me any time you like ;) in a nice, friendly, fully clothed manner of course ;)
THANK-YOU! Of course you are in my prayers, I’m ecstatic to see they are being answered as you type :D I’ve been patient with you for over a decade, promise I won’t stop. Please, please, please keep me posted on your journey, I LOVE this kind of stuff.
Lots of love and blessings back at you, Angel.
P.S. Don’t worry, I ran into a school mate at the beach front yesterday and she has been back in the country for about 2 months and couldn’t even drop me an email to say so… yeah, people are something else, out of sight, out of mind…
© Copyright 2016 Shannan Browne. All rights reserved.