Catch up with Angel, notated 31July 13

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Romance  |  House: Booksie Classic
Some think it is so easy, others don't

Submitted: August 01, 2013

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Submitted: August 01, 2013

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31-7-13

I finally managed to catch up with Angel this weekend. It’s been ages since we had a good chat. I think you may recall that Dude rocked up a couple of months ago and whisked her off here, there and everywhere to try and lift her spirits and get her to be her ‘happy’ self once again. He’s really been quite dedicated to her. He’s made a couple of trips overseas and back again whilst shuffling his work schedule to be with her. Fortunately, with telephone conferencing, Skype and the Internet he’s managed to juggle his clients and timetable to keep everyone happy. At least the South Africa – Europe time difference isn’t too bad.

The two of them have been based in Durban for the most part, but over the school holidays he took her to their family holiday home in Plettenberg Bay. They went horse-riding on the beach, took in sunsets, had great dinners, met some interesting people, and Angel enjoyed the break. She took a drive through to Grahamstown and met up with me at the School’s Festival afterwards, I was so busy chaperoning that we only managed to catch a show together and then she had to drive back to Plett to meet up with Dude. She was smiling and presenting a chipper front, but I know her too well, the undercurrents weren’t as blissful as the exterior… I made sure we made a date to meet as soon as we were both in Durban again and breathing, the start of the school term is always too hectic to think straight, never mind talk about important things.

So this weekend arrived and we met up at a coffee shop, away from home life and school and all the rest. After the usual chit chat we got down to the nitty gritty… she opened her bag and pulled out the most exquisite engagement ring ever. She put it on the table and looked at me with tears welling up in her eyes, “What do I do Shannan? What do I do?”

I sat there gobsmacked, I had no idea Dude had proposed. I had no idea that she was still so very heartbroken. She truly should have been an actress and not a singer! (She’d knock me out of my place on stage any day.) She’d been putting up a brave front that all was ok since she agreed to leave all the April Fool stuff behind her… and now here she was…

She wiped her tears with a handkerchief, and showed me her phone, Moonphish had published “Tying the Knot” just after the weekend Dude proposed. “Look, Shannan, look, it hasn’t stopped. Will it ever stop? Does it mean anything? Is the Universe telling me something? Is marrying Dude the right choice?”

I couldn’t believe it. Surely it couldn’t be true? The synchronicity stuff had been ridiculous, but this had me scared, and it wasn’t even my life or story! I was freaked out, I handed her phone back to her and shook my head, “Angel, I don’t know, I really don’t know. I thought you were banned from the internet, how come you’re still checking out those poems?”

“Dude gave me the phone this weekend; he wants me to call him when I’ve made up my mind about putting the ring on my finger… I tried not to go to the poetry site, and then I couldn’t stop myself, and I found this…” The tears started gently falling down her cheeks all over again. I felt so helpless. I rubbed her arm with my hand as she wiped away more tears…

“Shannan, saying yes and marrying him would be the smart thing to do. He has done so well for himself. He’s built up a lovely nest egg, and believes I would be a great Mom and wife. He’s a decent guy and really generous. I get on with his family and he says he loves me. He has made all this effort with flying in and out, organizing his work, making sure I’m ok… Surely those are all good reasons to marry him?” Her eyes looked at me pleadingly, searchingly, as if she wanted me to say yes and tell her to marry him, so she wouldn’t have to worry about the decision. I couldn’t do it, I couldn’t sit there and tell her that something that made her cry was the right thing to do, but I couldn’t tell her no, because I could be wrong, and it wasn’t my business anyway. I took a deep breath, “Angel,” I said hesitantly, holding my mug and trying to find the words, she looked at me imploringly, “You know I’m always honest with you, you know I care about you deeply and I don’t want to hurt you, I want you to make the best decision you can. So I have one question: If he is so right, then why haven’t you put that ring on your finger?”

Her tears flowed more freely, and she was too choked up to answer. I gave her a hug and she sobbed into my jersey. Eventually, she pulled away, calmed down and said, “Because my soul is telling me he isn’t ‘the one’. My soul is telling me that the idiot who hooked me so long ago is still the one. That the April Fool will haunt me forever. I know that what we believe is true, and I know that I may have talked myself into loving the idiot, so my soul bought into the idea. I also know that Dude believes I am ‘the one’ for him, and idiot forcefully believes I am not the one for him… so I love the idiot, Dude loves me, and the idiot loves someone else… My mind is telling me that if I don’t accept Dude’s offer, then I’m set for a long and lonely path of struggling through life, destined to pine after something I shall never have, pathetic and miserable. At least Dude cares and will make sure I’m ok and provided for. Their houses around the world are quite something; I shall never be in want. Even though I know in my mind that Dude is an excellent choice, my soul won’t accept it. My soul won’t accept the truth, no matter how much my mind proves that I should put the ring on. It’s like there is a war going on inside me as the rest of the world carries on ‘normally’. The rest of the people in the world have their minds, bodies and souls in sync and here I sit, a weirdo, who can’t control her own soul to see what is an incredible deal. I feel pathetic and useless, and that makes me think that Dude is actually stepping down from what he deserves to ask me to be at his side for the rest of his life. I’m a wreck, a mess, and no man should have to take that on. It’s just not fair.” She looked at me, her green eyes glistening with such intensity and truth, that I could feel her pain, her struggle, her brokenness within myself, and there was nothing I could do.

She picked up the ring, she turned it to the light and the diamonds glistened gloriously. Steadily she held it out and then slipped it on her left ring finger; and all I could sense was the black hole depth of her sadness, the internal torture of her desire not to wear the ring, and her humility at knowing how blessed she was to be asked to wear the ring. She looked at the ring on her finger for a long time, and then raised the agony in her soul to meet my eyes. I didn’t know what to say, but my eyes welled with tears to match hers…


© Copyright 2019 Shannan Browne. All rights reserved.

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