Hey Smartie Pants…
What kind of a letter is that to write to me? I posted it online and the response was that the letter sounded completely ‘romantic’! Now, I didn’t even see the romance in it when I first read it, because I know you know I have already told you that I’m not looking for a relationship. I’ve already told you I don’t do romance, so what you are playing at?
I was going to leave it in my mind as ‘sweet’ of you, but if you are manipulating and playing your games again: Stop It. Right now, before I tell you to get lost in a harsher way than I did the last time. We have been friends for a while and I thoroughly enjoy your company and, yes, once upon a time, there was even chemistry and that ache that women get when the chemistry works; but it was brief and now very much over. Especially as I’ve lost count of the number of girls that you have been with since I went away. Don’t go ruin what we have managed to repair. I think it’s great that you love me, but I am of the opinion that you don’t have to date someone to love them. You don’t have to marry someone if you love them, you can simply love them. If a guy is telling me that your letter is about romance, then I’m telling you to buzz off; very quickly. Sort yourself out and stop dreaming of me in any respect other than a dear friend, even an angel if you like, I don’t mind. Rob calls me his angel all the time, and it is great to have someone think of me like that. I’m flattered that you think my soul is beautiful, but you know that’s because of my faith and My God using me and shining through my eyes, not because I’m ‘in love’ with you. I ‘love’ everyone, because I want their souls to be lifted up to the highest level of development possible. I ‘love’ people because I want to help them achieve their dreams, not because I want to date and/or marry them. How come you can’t get that?
Yes, this guy walked into my life and somehow, I don’t know how, stop asking, he managed to get me thinking, get me smiling, get me feeling like my soul could expand, like together we could be an amazing team. I even wanted to introduce him to my grandparents! Me? Who has never even taken a guy home to meet anyone in three decades, meets a stranger and is thinking about how well he would get on with everyone in my difficult family. You met some of them at my sister’s wedding; you know how much of a tough crowd they are. Why on earth would I even begin to subject a poor stranger to meeting them? It’s insane! Everything about it, about him, about me, didn’t make any sense… I don’t need you analysing it and telling me that he was a jerk when you’ve never even met him. And what does that say about your trust in my ability to assess people? You must think that I have terrible intuition to be sad over a man who you’ve put down to being a jerk. Maybe he is, but you can’t make that decision. Yes, his behaviour was reprehensible, detestable and all the rest of my poem, but clearly his impact was too great for me to cast aside or ‘cut out what he contaminated’… the guy touched my soul… and I don’t even know what that means! You, for all your fabulous company, think that your soul is in the smile you give yourself in the mirror in the morning, when you are flexing your muscles and building yourself up for the day. You don’t even go to church or belong to a creativity group of any sort. Although I will give you that fact that you surf, that is soulful, if you have that space in mind as unity with earth and quietly just being. You only started going to plays because I like them, and then you proceed to tell me that you are only doing it for me, like I’m forcing you to attend, like it’s a condition for something. Like you are trying to get brownie points or something. No matter how many shows you see, if they mean nothing to you, then you are wasting your time…it has nothing to do with me.
I can’t believe I’m actually bothering to type this… you aren’t going to get it. I was trying to comfort your ego by giving you a reason for my not wanting to date you. Speak to anyone, often there is no expressible reason for why people feel the way they do, it’s just is the way it is. Don’t ask me to expand further, because you’ll regret it. Cheers Dude.
© Copyright 2016 Shannan Browne. All rights reserved.