What do you mean: what kind of letter was that? It was me being honest with you. you are quite a madam for posting it online. Couldn’t you run it by a girlfriend instead of strangers? You always have kept me on my toes. Love that about you. I can’t be off guard when you’re around, do you know how difficult it is to find intelligent company these days? The people at the pub last night made me go home, they’ve been complaining about the same thing for months now. Someone needs to give them a wake up call.
Well, I actually do love you, but I guess it was a romantic … ‘impractical or overly idealistic; having no basis in real life’… you have made sure we aren’t going to be happening in real life. Unless I can convince you otherwise ;) I think you are more of a romantic than I am, I mean look at you falling for some jerk, I can call him that if I feel like it, like, that is totally not realistic. I’m taking my cues from you girl.
I’m not playing at anything, I’m merely telling you how I feel. I can’t help it if some stranger is putting ideas in your head; but that’s what happens when you go posting my stuff online without my permission. Who’s doing the manipulating here? Who’s playing games? Heh heh, I remember the last time you put me in my place, I’ve never been so turned on in all my life. You told me that you would never, ever… and that put pictures in my brain that have become rather unforgettable actually. One day, maybe we could prove you wrong, you know never say never? Don’t get your knickers in a knot, as I know you are, I’m only teasing you. I get it that you aren’t interested and I have to stay away from you and any ideas I have of you as my wife. You just have to understand it’s not that easy to turn off. It’s a guy thing. So you’ll have to be patient with me and I can’t promise anything. Oh, yes, the ache thing… I have that regularly and even harder around you. That window moment you BBM’d me about, as it so happens, you left to give your cousin birthday gifts to take to Johannesburg, they were at the restaurant down the road. You left just after we had been discussing that play you had written and were premiering, you were so excited, you spoke to me like we used to chat at University and that incident with your friend from overseas had never happened. You were supposed to be back straight away. My mate got pissed off with me, because I kept looking at my watch and asking where he thought you had got to and were you ok. You had gone off on that walk on your own, past all those drunken men in those pubs and you hadn’t come back. I was worried. My mate eventually had enough and made me down a shooter every time I asked or looked at my watch. So often I got drunk on whatever he was feeding me, I was too distracted by you to pay attention to him. Then everything was blurry and the ex, who still wants to marry me, caught me unawares, at the same time you walked in. Your face. I’ll never forget your face and your disappointment in me. You made me see that I had messed up more than I’d ever messed up anything before. Believe me I remember the window, and the conversation the next time I saw you and you told me where to get off. Man you are gorgeous when you are mad. I’m a guy, I can’t help it that you do what you do to me. I’m sorry I messed up. I’m even more sorry I didn’t know that I should have stepped up and walked with you that night, I should’ve been the man you could’ve ached for and I wasn’t.
That doesn’t count, Rob is gay, you are my Angel in a far better way. Beautiful soul in a hot little body ;) Don’t start your rubbish on cellulite, freckles, big bum rubbish. I don’t know anyone else who has the hour glass you do, and not all men want girls with big boobs, for your information. There’s more than God shining through your eyes, I wish you could see yourself when you are sitting with your second cousin on your knee, or when you are talking about your writing, or your performances or when you get all uptight about the learners who have touched your heart. I’ve heard it’s often the eyes that sparkle the most that have shed the most tears… you must cry every night. I want to be there with the tissues for those times… you’ve lived on your own for so long, who holds your tissues? Who hugs you? Who lets you rest peacefully? I get love, believe me I get love, I’m not asking you to marry me anymore, you’ve said no already. Look at the evidence, I’m still around, still caring and still loving you anyways.
You want your soul to expand, tell me how to help and I will. Ok, point taken… I actually believe you are an excellent judge of character, but this one doesn’t make sense. It doesn’t sound like you, and you’ve written so yourself. Sounds like contamination to me. yes, your family are quite something, but so are mine… who’s aren’t?
Ouch! No soul. That’s harsh. I’m guessing you’re mad and venting. I’m working through my faith issues, you know my background isn’t the perfect set up for a ‘happy Christian’, but that is my issue, and nothing for you to condemn or judge. Stay away from hypocrisy, it doesn’t become you. I happen to like what I see in the mirror in the morning, maybe you could learn something from that. Brownie points? I’m a guy, brownies are girls. I’m not after any points, but ones that I get when you smile. I’ll remember that I don’t have to go to shows though, rather relieved at that ;)
I’m glad you are bothering to write, it shows me you care, even if you vehemently deny it. thanks for trying to comfort my ego, but as you have already pointed out, my ego and I get on just fine. No expressible reason? My experience tells me that you are too intelligent not to have a reason for everything… go on, expand further, I dare you
© Copyright 2016 Shannan Browne. All rights reserved.
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