The Silent Treatment

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Other  |  House: Booksie Classic
Why do people practise 'the silent treatment'? Who wins what with that - seriously?

Submitted: October 14, 2013

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Submitted: October 14, 2013



Right, so, I’m getting “The Silent Treatment” after my last Booksie post. Humph. Neither Angel nor Dude are communicating with me anymore. You would think I was ‘The Phantom’, the one who arrived out of the Darkness and caused Angel to relive all her pain, with the way they are treating me. What happened to: “don’t kill the messenger”? Seriously. All I did was write about my experience of his arrival and now I’m the Bad Girl. Pish!

I’ve tried calling, emailing, texting and Facebooking… no luck at all. Oh well. I’m sure one day I’ll hear the outcome of the crazy evening. Maybe it wasn’t a good idea that I wrote about Angel wearing Dude’s engagement ring. . . too late she cried.

Still this concept of “The Silent Treatment’ is beyond me. What does it achieve? If you are giving someone “The Silent Treatment” that means you are pissed off with them BIG TIME. It means you have a whole lot of anger / resentment / nastiness inside you that is only going to fester and cause cancer inside your body. It means that you are isolating yourself and letting the hurt and pain fester within you. How can that be good? Ok, if it is only for a short while, like a couple of days, to calm down before dealing with the problem, then that’s healthy; but weeks? No, that long is not healthy at all. And the worst thing is that that bad energy inside you that you aren’t releasing has to go somewhere, energy cannot be destroyed, it’s a scientific fact. So it goes into illness and dis-ease. The body breaks down and your temper flairs and you don’t understand why, because you ignored that person, so it should have gone away. Incorrect, it cannot go away like that.

From the receiving end of “The Silent Treatment” it’s ghastly because you don’t understand why you are receiving it. You don’t understand what is going on in the other person’s head or why they have reacted so irrationally. This only leaves you with two options: 1) let it bother you to the extreme and you make up reasons that send you into dis-stress and dis-ease too, thus there are now two people who are immensely unhappy and hurting and angry and neither understand why. 2) The receiver gets over it and carries on with their life because they can’t do anything about what the other person is going through because they have been shut out.

Children use “The Silent Treatment” as a coping mechanism, because they don’t have the maturity, or hierarchal position, to deal with the situation, or they aren’t in a safe place to express themselves. The responsibility is on the adult to initiate conversation and communication and gently and persistently persevere with the child until the child can’t hold it in any more and has to let it all out. The adult must let this process happen without being judgmental, critical, self-involved or concerned with their own self-preservation. In adults, however, it should never digress to a space of childishness. Both should be adults, converse and get it all out until they can reach a mutual understanding of what happened, why it happened and what is the best way to proceed forward. I have had friendships grow, and friendships break, friendships flicker out and friendships enflame, because all the rubbish was dealt with. I have also had ones where “The Silent Treatment” continued and years later they still pop by to haunt my night-dreams. It is ghastly that I can’t do anything about it because I hit a volcanic platinum wall of stubborn pride, self-aggrandisement and self-preservation that “will not be moved”… such a pity in a world where we all know that the only permanent thing is change… Not even London City is predicted to exist in a few centuries time for crying out loud. Yet, such is, they are ‘rocks’, they are ‘right’, they are hurting and alone and have lost out on the beauty of knowledge, freedom and exposure to the incredible minds of others, purely because they want to hang on to the completely imagined fallacy of ‘being in control’. What crap that is, you just have to look at the craziness of the weather, earthquakes, tsunamis random car accidents, murders and heart attacks to know that you can never be ‘all-in-control’… it’s a joke on yourself to think that you can be, it really is.

The great thing is though, once that “Eureka” moment has happened, man is it awesome! Both parties open up to communicating, both parties share what they have been living through, why they did what they did and how they are feeling… either there is mutual forgiveness, or there isn’t. There is hope, or there isn’t, but whatever the result, it is ok, because the soul can rest again. The soul can focus once more on the good things and a better, more relaxed future in the knowledge that the next time there is an altercation, and there very definitely will be another one, it won’t be so bad, because the two of you have come through it before. Maybe the next time the result will be different, but the approach will be the same and the fear of confrontation would have begun to fade away …

Here’s to hoping that Angel will get over this and use my blogging to help her tie in Miss Lea’s blogging to tell her incredible story one day, whatever the outcome may be :-)

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