Oh my Angel,
I can’t write poetry like you do, so a letter will have to do. Thank-you for your honesty, thank-you for telling me your reasons and letting me know that it wasn’t me or my efforts that have made you so sad.
I’m glad you chose me over that idiot –ed, he really doesn’t deserve you as much as I do. I was really relieved that your coin toss fell in my favour. I was over the moon when I got that first date with you. I thought for sure you would enjoy dancing, we move so well together. When that didn’t work, even though we spoke all night about such normal and fascinating stuff, I thought that the picnic would give you some space and time to breathe. I know you love birds, and I didn’t want you not to eat again, like the times in restaurants before, that’s why I packed the basket to suit your needs with that book too. But you still looked so lost, even after the fresh air and quiet. As always you were appreciative, and generous with your compliments at my efforts, I love listening to your voice, it makes me feel like I’ve found my home. Listening to you is so easy. But still, these days your voice echoes and catches with hidden tears that tear my heart for you, and I can’t seem to help, or ease the pain. I know you love watching waves and stars, the horses are stabled near our summer home, so it was no effort. For a moment, when we were galloping on the sand, I thought I felt your soul smile again; it hasn’t done that in so long. The dance competition had nothing to do with me that was pure co-incidence, you have my word. Of course we won what else would you expect? I never lose, and when I’m with you, by your side, I feel invincible. Then, after such a wonderful evening, after seeing your eyes sparkle again for a brief moment, you retreated again before the night was done. Back into a sad place, that simply isn’t you. Since when do shooting stars make you cry? They used to inspire you…
Now that you have told me the cause, now that I know you are staying away from all men, I’m worried. Ok, so you don’t want me, even though I want you (and your beautiful soul ;) more than I can show or tell you, but more than that I want to see you happy. I want to see that angel soul experiencing the joy it was made for. The guy was clearly a jerk. He probably never had a clue that you have such a beautiful soul; he probably never even took the time to find out the incredible essence of who you are. But I know. I know that as deeply as he managed to hurt you, someone else can love you enough to fill that deep ache with love that overflows. Don’t cut us all out because some guy used you for an ego boost. Don’t let that deserved confidence slide to low self-esteem, you’ve achieved too much for that. Cut out the weeks that he contaminated with his own agenda. Forget them. Concentrate on the good times, the great memories, we have so many of those.
You know I love you and I’m always here for you. I’m nothing like him and I won’t hurt you like he has. I will talk to you; with you. I will treat you like the amazing woman you are, and you would never, ever be lost by my side. I’m the one who is lost when I’m next to you, because I can’t believe how blessed and at peace I am around you. This guy, whoever he was, showed you the worst, let me show you the best; let me share my everything with you. Let me help you take your soul to the place it’s supposed to be, the place it deserves to be; in blissful peace, contentment and joy. That place does still exist, I promise.
Don’t let some hell-bent heart leave you bitter, when you come close to selling out, reconsider… and when you get the choice to sit it out or dance, I hope you dance…
All my love
© Copyright 2016 Shannan Browne. All rights reserved.