I watch you from my red raw eyes,
sadness within me, myself and I,
large purple tear drops i cry.
you draw in a breath, a heavy sigh.
i put each hand over one ear,
all in attempt that i will not hear,
the sadness, it's not me it does sear,
no, because it is for your life i fear.
I don't remember the last time i saw you smile,
i want it so bad, even just for a while,
i feel were stranded on a never ending mile,
i feel we are put together like a bad style,
I am mostly happy, and mostly your sad,
myself for ommiting good vibes, i feel bad,
i try to be happy, but with you like this i can't be glad
i want our relationship to develop, even just a tad.
you in yourslef, you are always glum,
i can see in your face that inside you are numb
i wan to us to be close, i want that time to come,
please i want you back, i really love you mum!
Submitted: July 05, 2011
© Copyright 2023 Shazza. All rights reserved.
Comments
A really great poem. Sad, but great. I don't like the familiarity of it, but the work itself is very good ^^
Tue, July 5th, 2011 10:20pm
Author
Reply
Oh haha thankyouu :D apperiacte it :P ?
Wed, July 6th, 2011 1:07pm
Damn I can really feel the pain in your poems. I'm so sorry about your mom. Things will get better you'll see. Just keep that chin up. :)Good job on the poem btw.
Thu, July 7th, 2011 4:56am
Author
Reply
Haha, thanks:) means alot for the comment! your a real nice person!?
Wed, July 6th, 2011 11:46pm
Heart-breaking... I thought throughout the poem that it's another love poem, but the ending is just out-of-the-herd... Watch out for spelling mistakes my friend. You misspell you're to your, we're to were... Watch out... Keep writing. It's a good poem.
Thu, July 7th, 2011 8:12pm
Author
Reply
Thankyou:D i know haha i am not a very good speller :') i will keep writing thanks' thankyou for the comment:)?
Thu, July 7th, 2011 1:35pm
This has so much meaning in it,it has a continuing rythem and the ryhmes are really good :) I love reading your poems and can't wait to read more :) keep up the good work!! ?
Thu, July 7th, 2011 8:51pm
Author
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Awwww.... thankyou, rhymessss Thanks :D i like writing my poems for people to read, i will sarah thanks, BEST FAN!!!?
Thu, July 7th, 2011 2:02pm
So deep dear!! you are talented!! oxoxox
Keep writing and please check out my writing as well xoxoox
Author
Reply
Thankyou.. means a lot.. i will keep writing.. when i get a chance i WILL read your stuff..?
Sun, July 10th, 2011 12:16pm
Wow the emotions are oozing out of this i can sure feel that and the ryhmes are amzing.Thats what shapes a poem up right. Do keep up writing never give up.Will read the other ones tomorrow dont worry :)
xx
Author
Reply
Awww, thankyouu, this is a very nice comment, thankyou for taking the time to do this. I will keep writing:)?
Thu, July 14th, 2011 12:32pm
This is a very emotional poem with great flow of words and good rhyming. There are a few typos. I like it.
Fri, July 15th, 2011 10:24pm
Author
Reply
Thankyou :D i am glad you like it Frank :D?
Sun, July 17th, 2011 9:16am
I really like it, it's very moving :p
Sun, July 17th, 2011 12:37pm
Author
Reply
Thankyou so so so much.. :D means so much that you have taken the time to comment. thankyou:)?
Sun, July 17th, 2011 9:16am
Wow. This is beautiful. The rhyming all goes together
Sat, September 3rd, 2011 3:03am
Author
Reply
Hehe, thankyou:) :) ?
Sat, September 3rd, 2011 6:56am
you should give this to your mom. it couldn't help but make her smile. when pointed out, you really should go back and fix your typos. they're distracting and take a little away from your poem. your first stanza is fantastic, and there's nothing more important than a strong ending, which you nailed. might i suggest rhyming every other line? it will soften up your piece. you seem to be stretching so hard to find a way to rhyme the next line that sacrafice the line's flow. you have the talent to give it a try.
Sat, September 3rd, 2011 5:03pm
Author
Reply
Thankyou,.... haha nope i think this will sta firmly awa from my mothers eyes :') and thankyouu i';l take a look and get out my notepad ;') :D thanks' again.... xxxxx
Sun, September 4th, 2011 11:51am
Im not sure why my comment wont show up... but I said how it was really sad and it hit me hard. It was so vivid and the last line broke my heart!
Author
Reply
Teehee! thankyou:) I'm glad that this poem has put across the emotion impact i wanted it to:)?
Sun, December 4th, 2011 12:17pmFacebook Comments
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wow, so wonderfully told!! this is very special and heartwarming, GREAT WORK!!
Tue, July 5th, 2011 8:06pmAuthor
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Thankyouu:) :D means a lot!?
Wed, July 6th, 2011 1:06pm