The story of the average person?

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Non-Fiction  |  House: Booksie Classic

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Ive always wanted to write and just never started. I couldnt sleep so i just started righting about my life. Turned into a neat autobiography, short story


When I was born I grew up in a trailer park that my great great aunt owned, in Fordville, a neighborhood infamous 
for its crime and drugs. I lived with my moms mother and her mother. I hung out with all the neighborhood kids and at 
first my brother, but being five years apart, we soon quit hanging out as I grew into my own person. When I was four years 
old I met my first best friend, more of a brother to me now. I moved between my moms house, fathers mother, and anywhere 
else an adult would let me stay. I was confused about life and everything, its all a blur up to when I was about ten.
When I was ten I was staying at my aunts house and going to a different school then what I started with, saying i 
was staying at my aunts hosue is just summarization I still bounced around a little, nowhere near as much as i did when i 
was younger I finally started to have a stable life. When i was twelve my mom got an apartment near a school that i could 
attend so i moved in with her, really for the first time ever, i stayed with her alot before then but this was the first 
time it was really home.
I don't know why, maybe because the school was bigger, I wasn't used to living with my mom and little brother, or 
possibly I was just lonely, it all happened about the time my grandmother died, but i was extremly depressed. Right before 
my grandmother passed away i had gotten really religious and prayed every night for her cancer to get better. When she 
died i didn't know who else to blame except god. Then the hate turned into doubt, then i started to deny the existance of 
god all together. It all made me more depressed. I had extreme anxiety, every morning i woke up i would vomit, cry, and 
hyperventilate in panic of going to school. I couldn't handle all the people. The structure. The pressure to be good. I 
couldn't take it anymore i tried every out i could, I found happiness in alternate realities, but it did nothing but 
seperate me from everyone else even more. I would read constantly to distance me from reality, if that didn't work i would 
play online video games, if that didn't work i would sleep non-stop. The only time i wasn't depressed is when i was with a 
friend at school, then she moved away. I had nothing to make me happy. Every day grew more depressing then the last. I had 
nothing to brighten up my life, every day i would dwell on what life was. I came to the conclusion it was meaningless. I 
had learned to make a noose, and i stood on a stool at twelve with the rope around my neck and the other end connected to 
a beam in the ceiling,i did it whenever i felt the most depressed, in all about 7 times. I could never kill myself. All i 
kept thinking about was this girl and my little rother and how if i offed myself I'd never see him or her again. I was 
attending counseling, but i never told her about it at all,and one day i just told my councelor that if i had to live 
every day feeling like this life wasnt worth living. I then went to a mental hospital for a few weeks, its easy getting 
out when your not insane and can lie your ass off. When I got out and went back to school, alot of people were wondering 
where i had went i just made up somthing i dont remember anymore. But one of those people happened to be the girl i had 
finally realized i loved. She was like the only person i felt like i could tell anything to and not have to lie, so i told 
her. I think it seperated us a bit. I started to look forward to going to school and seeing her, then she moved again(she 
did that alot). But i kept my head up figuring shed move back. She didn't that year.
That summer i started hanging out with my childhood friend, he was a few years older then me, and he smoked weed. 
I had tried it once before and was like what the heck, i like weed. So i started smoking it. Everyday. I would come to 
junior high baked everyday. Get out of school and get high the rest of the day. I finally felt good, i had no worries. I 
had found somthing that made me happy. About halfway through the 8th grade the girl came back. I knew she would. We had 
first period gym together and would sit there and talk. It being first period i was always baked, and she didnt like it, i 
was ashamed. And then when she found out i didn't believe in god she asked if it was true. I was sitting around a bunch of 
people that knew and i could never lie to her anyways, i wanted to tell her i doubted god alot, because he kept taking her 
away from me. But she didn't know i liked her and i never made any approaches. I figured being her friend forever was 
better then having a junior high relationship that was doomed to failure and us potentially never talking or being close 
again. She moved away again towards the end of that year.
When I started highschool the following year the school was bigger and it brought my anxiety up even more. I was
horrified of school so i would get as high as possible every morning before going. Eventually i just quit going. I chose 
to stay home in my room and get high and sleep, I was really depressed. I didnt have good grades and had nothing to be 
proud of. I was ashamed, at that time most kids my age didn't smoke weed or associate with it. I had to hang out with the 
seniors my freshman year because my best friend was a senior. I got in trouble for missing school and failing a drug test 
and got sent to juvee. When i got out i was on probation for 6 months. I couldn't smoke weed or hang out with friends. I 
was in the dumps. But i realized that i had gotten over my suicidal tendancies. I didn't want to kill myself i wanted to 
wait it out because i learned its always darkest before the dawn. The next year i was off probation, I could hang out with 
everyone and smoke. I joined JROTC because my older brother is military and was battalion commander when he went to the 
highschool. I loved it, i was good at it, but it put me under alot of stress to be perfect again. The year went by fine i 
got a lot healthier and it was overall a good time.
That summer all my friends wouldn't get off my back about not ever having a girlfriend, so i started talking to
this one girl reluctantly. She was cool and we had a lot in common, but anytime i thought about her i would feel guilty 
about "moving on" from the dreams that got me through the worst times in my life. To one day marry this amazing girl that 
made me unbelievable happy. It eventually got the better of me and the new girl living a whiles away made it easy for me 
to lose contact with. Right around the time i stopped talking to her i had made a crapton of new friends. One of my 
friends introduced me to this one guy because he had weed connections and he knew i smoked all the time, so we hit it off 
and became best friends. Well his friends all accepted me and we all became best friends. When school started i figured 
out a way to be home schooled. From august when school started all the way to february was non stop drugs. Prior to 
meeting this new best friend i had never really done anything other then smoke weed, he introduced me to a whole world. I 
started doing hydros and xanax, drinking every single weekend, i even tried coke. Me and this kid who was also 
homeschooled pretty much just lived at my house and woke up everyday trying to find some way to get high. Then we started 
having people over all the time because i had a cool room with enough room to smoke, so we would invite people over and 
smoke out. My mom quickly got irriated. Eventually i couldnt afford to smoke and there wasnt enough people to supply the 
drugs i needed, so i started growing it. I was really good at it and my mom got upset because they grew so big. She made 
me throw them away. I was crushed and it started a bunch of crap between us. Eventually she sent me to another mental 
institute. This time it was good for me, I got away from the drugs and alcohol i was doing non-stop. When i got out i was 
on probation.
But unlike last time, this time i didn't give a fuck. I smoked, i drank and i could care less about probation. 
Until i failed enough drug tests and pissed them off enough, when they were about to throw me in juvee again i quit my 
shit. I started just drinking and smoking synthetic weed. Eventually i had enough of that shit and got my mom to lie for 
me and keep from checking in with probation this time i went crazy and did everything in way excess, one night i did 4 
bars, alot for me at the time, and i traded some of my stuff for a ounce and a half, then went to sleep. I woke up the 
next day to two of my best friends randomly asking me if i wanted to go to the girl of my dreams' birthday party, i was 
like fuck yea! got a bunch of weed lets go! i didnt even know she still lived in the state but we went, she had a 
boyfriend but i was like oh well, she still the coolest girl i know aint lettin that get me down, by this time i knew she 
could do way better then me and i was just stoked to see her after so long. I rolled a oz joint and broke my glass pipe 
that night. It was a good night. We parted ways without it being anthing, i knew id see her again.
At home there was still alot of drama for me, by this point my memory is really fucked up from all the drugs i did 
in this period so excuse me. But my grandmother, the one that was still alive took me with her to the gulf, to get me away 
from my mom before it got bad. We went to the same beach that i went on a school trip to with that girl in the 6th grade. 
Specifically when we were great friends and i knew i liked her at that point. I even got her a shark tooth i found. She  
accidently threw it like 10minutes later. Anyway i was there with my grandma no drugs, no cigs, my annoying little 
brother. One day they go out to do somthing and i stay in the hotel room. I checked my facebook and had a message from the 
girl. Shes asking if i could get her high sometime, i told her i was out of town but she gave me her number. When i got 
back to town i was on probation, But I remembered her hitting me up so i hit her up, well just so happened she was in town 
getting her hair cut and i was like well, ima get my haircut aswell. Then and there i made my mind up, if she wanted to 
smoke, i was going to smoke. I got my friend to take me to the store and got my haircut. After i got my haircut we hung 
out walked around and talked while she was waiting on her sister. Then a few days later i begged my friend to go pick her 
up so we could hang out. And we did, we smoked and everything was awesome. We were going back to my house when my mom 
called and said i couldnt have any1 over. So i was like well, ill hit up my other friend and we can go to the river or 
somthing. So i hit him up and we went to hangout. Apparently they knew each other and hit it off great, i was like epic we 
all know each other great. anyway to make a long story short, they started going out and i felt like a dumbass. The girl 
of my dreams was now going out with my best friend, and I had set it up it seemed. It was the shittiest i had ever felt. I 
was pissed at my friend i felt he betrayed me, but i saw they were both really happy and i decided w/e life isnt over. 
then when they broke up i thought id never get to hang out with her again. And it was kinda true. She went back to hanging 
out with her friends, i went to hanging out with mine we never talked after that because we quit talkinng when she started 
dating him. Everything was normal for a few months.
Eventually my mom kicked me out i had nowhere to go and was wanted because my mom had lied her butt off to keep me 
from checking in with probation officers. I had no choice, my mom wanted blood and had the power to do it. I decided i 
would stay in the same friend who dated the girl of my dreams's, hay loft, club house, barn thing. I stayed there for a 
month and his mom eventually found me. I told her everything my mom had done and she decided her and her husband were 
going to help me, but it had to be legal. So after she talked to probation officers and my mom i went to juvee for 2 
weeks, when i got out they adopted me. Now my best friend was now my brother. I had made a promise to his parents that if 
i moved in i would quit the drugs and make my life positive. And ive kept it. Ive gotten a ged, a job, i can pass a drug 
test, and im about to start college. Everything was going great but after the girl coming up a few times in my memory and 
seeing her at a concert. I couldnt get her our of my head. I figured that i was about to go to college a pretty long ways 
away, and i didnt know what she was going to do after highschool. I realised that if i didnt get a chance to tell her how 
i felt i might never get a chance. So i told her, i tried to play it off like no big deal but it really was. She took it 
like no big deal. I told her it was because i couldnt sleep and had to get it off my chest and that was true. But its 
still not better. I just wrote this because i couldnt sleep. Its sad, and pretty corny, but after getting adopted and 
flipping my life on its head the only thing i want to change and dont know how is my relationship with her. How do i do

Submitted: December 03, 2012

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