No Refuge

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Poetry  |  House: Booksie Classic
This is just how i feel. Maybe the pain and loneliness is just temporary, but its hard to believe that right now. So this is me pouring out my feelings into words. I know, its kind of depressing.

Submitted: January 06, 2014

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Submitted: January 06, 2014

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I wake up today
with the same emptiness in my chest
knowing i may never achieve happiness
because i cant forgive
i cant forgive the ones that put my hopes down
the ones who told me i couldnt do it
and brought out the demon within me
i wake up in the same household as the people i hate
fearing what he might do to me
and trying to make her love me
while i prepare myself of the words 
that would slip from her mouth next
words that slashes a hole across my chest
words that tears through my flesh
and words that crushes my heart
i look at myself in the mirror
and stare in disgust
as the names i was called whispers in my head
ugly, fat, man-looking
and to know that the owners of those voices
belongs to the people in my family
sucks the dust of ambition left in me
so i stand there 
afraid that no one would fall in love with me
that i would always be alone
because of how i looked
ugly, fat, man-looking
i occupy myself
by reading pieces of inspiration
to convince myself
that maybe life is worth living
that maybe if i walk far enough
i could spot that tiny ray of light 
the light that would save me from this hell im trapped in
i continue to read til evening
but after realizing that it would be of no help
i lie myself down
and i try to go to sleep 
praying for forgiveness
praying for strength
but when i open my eyes
the darkness reminds me that i have no refuge
so i lie there
with tears streaming out of my eyes
and i cry myself to sleep
understanding that i will never be content


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