You Got What You Deserved

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Poetry  |  House: Booksie Classic

A short story.

As cold as you are I stand still. Blood is on the floor dripping from my knife. Your throat seems to have been sliced in seven places. Yet I do not care. You deserved your end, suffering to fix amends. I could not contain my anger anymore no matter how much I was asked to hide it.

You are now nothing more than a corpse. I am numb to what you are to me. I am glad you can no longer make me suffer. I have been thrown into a spiral of emotions, as you laugh and sneer in the comfort of your own little world. Control your anger they said. But how could I? I have every if not more right to share my pain, my suffering, confusion, discomfort, sickness.

I will do what I want. I have had enough of people trying to help, only to hurt me and control me themselves.

Hide, I want to hide, disappear, be happy. Let me be me for once I‘ve had enough. How could you be so heartless? Heartless to your own blood. To someone who adored you. Thought the world of you. I’m only going to say this once so listen close as I whisper.

“You got what you deserved.”


Submitted: April 04, 2012

© Copyright 2022 Shinouku. All rights reserved.

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Comments

animefreak77L

cool this was really deep and true. only reading this once and i can already make up a background story. this is amazing even though i dont really think it can be considered to be a poem. keep up the amazing work. this was surely worth asking u to re-post it.

Mon, April 9th, 2012 3:32pm

Author
Reply

Thanx :D I'm stoked you can get a background story from it! Means I'm starting to get a hang of writing =]

Again sorry about it not showing up. True but I wasn't really sure what category to put it under?

Mon, April 9th, 2012 10:25am

Yume chan

Man this was a very sad and very depressing poem. The one that took the others life becuase he/she was maybe abused or hurt by the loved one is now no different than that person. The question comes back with irony: How could you be so heartless? Heartless to your own blood. She/he is now no different only worse because a life was actually taken and if no forgivness is asked before the end of lifeline he/she will meet that loved one again in hell. Very sad:( lol but hey this is a good comment^^. You did really well in showing the pain, emotion and lost, also the hate, but even in all the hate one sees the love the person had for the other when its said "the one you adored". Great job! Its written very well and has great lesson that can be learned from it. Keep up the GREAT work^^

Tue, June 5th, 2012 7:18am

Author
Reply

Thanks heaps. Unfortunately this is a period of time that I've experienced personally. But I would never kill someone, its just an expression. I'm glad for such a short story it still made an impact. It is very ironic though:)

Mon, August 27th, 2012 8:57pm

IMAGOrion

Very well done, there were a few mistakes but that surprisingly didn't effect how I read the piece. Very sad, my favourite line was "I am numb to what you are to me." Love that line!

I'd recommend re-categorising this as a 'short story', though it is a REALLY short story, It still has the conventions that make up one.

These are mistakes I picked up on, which I think pointing out can always help a writer progress and improve:

"I am glad u can no longer" - I think you were supposed to put 'you' instead of 'u'. I'd only recommend that text if it's through texting... in which case it needs quotation marks.

"But how could i?" Needs to have a capital 'I'

"Your throat seems to been" Needs a 'to have been' of a different option. If you want to add 'to have been' then watch your tenses.

Overall, very well done I hope I helped you. Keep up the good work :)

Wed, August 1st, 2012 3:48pm

Author
Reply

Thanks so much for taking the time to read it, and giving me some feedback :) I will redo and put it under short story when I have some spare time.

Thu, August 2nd, 2012 6:16am

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