After Your Gone

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Other  |  House: Booksie Classic
this is a tragic wee story of a man who lost his love.

Submitted: December 17, 2008

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Submitted: December 17, 2008

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28th of March 2005

Dear Jenny,

Where are you?

10th of April 2005

Dear Jenny,
Since we’ve been separated, I miss most coming home and finding you on the couch wearing my t-shirt.I’m thinking about the next time I wear it, it still has a soft, subtle perfume scent, reminding me of you.Twirling an ebony lock of hair between your thumb and index finger- you’re engrossed and don’t acknowledge me, never taking your eyes off “Come Dine with Me”.
- She’s had those potatoes on too long, you eventually say to me.Smiling, you get up and walk into my arms, my hand touching the crown of your head and following your hair running down your back, the smell of your shampoo filling my nostrils.
- You’re so cool and you don’t even have to try, I reply, laughing affectionately at you.You hold onto your swollen belly and laugh along, which made me happy, my hands meeting yours, clasping our little bump.

24th of April 2005

Dear Jenny,
She has your eyes.Huge and bright, shaped like almonds. The colour and depth of the ocean -you could drown in them. Flecks of green like blades of dewy grass.I remember towards the end yours lost their sparkle - the emerald lights snuffed out.

1st of May 2005

Dear Jenny,
I want to see you.When I close my eyes I can.But then I start to drift off and it’s as though I can feel a jolt in my body, a grinding of gears in my head and I’m thrust into a memory of noise and pain and darkness.I snap my eyes open and the grass is still green and the sky is still blue.But my heart is pounding and I’m struggling to breathe.The horror of what’s happening floods through me like water from a dam.I’ve found that teardrops rinse off the bad memories temporarily, but when I come to from an unconscious state of hopelessness, the horrible reality is still here.You were never one hundred percent in the room.You’re not in the room.Not in our room.Where are you?

23rd of May 2005

Dear Jenny,
I was trying to remember if we ever row.I remember once on holiday you were intent on taking photos of absolutely EVERYTHING.Every signpost, every being that crossed our path, every last scrap of food we ate, every tuk-tuk driver.I decided you were taking too many photos and every time you pressed the button and I heard that click and whirring sound I got a funny, angry feeling in my teeth.But that’s as far as it got.No kitchen implements thrown across the room, no shouting matches and no fireworks.All you had to do after that was smile, or I love it when you do that thing where you breathe on my neck and plant little light, fast kisses on my skin, one after the other.The end came anyway.

31st of May 2005

Dear Jenny,
I phoned you today and it went straight to your answering machine.It was a relief to hear your voice.It’ll be ok.Its just fate, isn’t it?A Fact of Life.I need to focus on one thought at a time.One Day at a Time.I’m drenched in forgotten advice Jenny, the only advice and words I listened to where from your lips.I suppose it’s quite ironic.I’ve never needed your words so much in my life and your not here.And it’s because of you that I need to speak.The place in between sleep and awake is like pure bliss-it’s when I think everything’s okay, all I have to do is reach out with my hand and I’ll be able to touch you, you would be all warm and sleepy and you’ll wrap your arms and legs around me.My fantasy is so detailed and convincing I’m so sure I can smell you and I think I can hear you breathing but then every morning I open my eyes and touchyour side of the bed and its freezing and empty and not normal.I am thankful for every goose bump and chill I ever felt being with you, I wish I could keep those feelings in a bottle to quench my thirst for you whenever I wanted.

10th of June 2005

Dear Jenny,
Someone has picked up the room and is spinning it around.Why is it fair that you were taken from me so soon? You’re going to be angry when you realise that you’re dead.Do you know where you are?Poor Amelia.She has your eyes.Wherever you shall lay, I shall lay.Wherever you shall lay, wherever you shall lay, I’ll be there.I will lay.
The end is coming anyway.


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