Dear Email Bastards

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Non-Fiction  |  House: Booksie Classic
Letter for the world of emails

Submitted: November 27, 2015

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Submitted: November 27, 2015



Dear email bastards,

I have been receiving a fair amount of emails, until recently that have all been useful that I have chosen to accept into my inbox. My email is like my house, if a family member comes knocking I welcome them with open arms, if a friends turns up at the door I also welcome them in. Then if my business partners turns up we have a chat and keep it to nothing more than what we need to discuss and if at my door stands an acquaintance of mine, I will listen to what they have to say but sadly they won't be allow in (most of the time). However if someone emails me of whom I have a discord with the only thing I shall be doing is shutting the door in their face.


On the other hand, my dear bastards, if I am standing at the door talking to a family member, a friend, a business partner or an acquaintance you are the ones who kindly sneak into my house through the back door. I never asked for you, I never gave you the key and I never gave you permission to barge into my house. This is the insult you great me with when I come home and find you sitting comfortably by the fire. Yes I can send you to the shed but I can never stop you completely. If you end up in the shed, which you will, then you are hidden and the insult is faded but I still have to come at you with hot ashes and spears in order to drive you out.


Frankly my dears I don't give a shit if it is cold outside or if you are being passed on from door to door until you can find someone to take you. What I do care about is that one of my businesses partners gave you permission and gave you a key to intrude into my house. My business with that partner has ended so even if you did have permission to come into my house that permission ended with our business agreement.


So please will you leave. Before I call the police for breaking and entering.


Your thoroughly frustrated host,



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