I looked up at him, and then I looked away again, trying to find a safe place to rest my eyes. He was trying to see through me, trying to understand me, I could tell from the frustration on his face that I had seen a million times, in silence like this. He exhaled sharply and ran his hand through his hair, messing it up in his agitation,
“You’ll be the death of me” He exclaimed, I kept up the front that had been up for so long, not showing the panic screaming inside me, fearing that this time he would get fed up and leave,
“Then leave” I offered calmly, he eyes filled with hurt and I turned away, ashamed of bringing pain so constantly to a man who had just loved me with his whole heart.
“You know I can’t do that” He murmured, his voice softer now, an underline of tenderness in it. I looked back at him and took in his features; his boyish looks and casual clothes reflected his kind nature, and the way his heart was constantly on his sleeve.
“You should go,” I mumbled, the regret of my words filling me as I uttered them, but I knew I couldn’t hurt him anymore.
“You know, sometimes I can see through you, sometimes I can see that you do care for me, so why keep acting like you don’t? It’s only hurting yourself” He said, I threw my hands up in the air like a woman praising god, and I took two steps back from him, placing the distance between us for comfort,
“What do you want from me?” I demanded, “I’ve never seen love! I don’t know how this works; I just know how it ends when it all goes wrong! I never knew ‘happily ever afters’, I don’t even have a proper home!” I gestured wildly around me at the dirty apartment I was living in at the moment and my arms sagged down by my sides, with tears falling down my face and my shoulders shaking, I repeated “I’ve never had a proper home”, he took two long strides and crossed the room, pulling me into his arms and stroking my hair soothingly,
“This is your home” He squeezed gently to demonstrate what he meant, “Right here, in my arms,” I let myself, for the first time ever, sink into his arms and really feel his embrace, instead of detaching myself from it. I allowed myself to smile, through the tears, at his tender warmth, for the first time, I felt safe and secure, and I finally understood what people mean when they say, “There’s no place like home.”
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