Angel (home)

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Poetry  |  House: Booksie Classic
Is death really the end?

Submitted: March 19, 2007

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Submitted: March 19, 2007

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I looked out over the city skyline breathing in the musky smell of wet concrete as I turned and looked back at you standing in the window of the second floor. I thought I saw you smile at me but I could be wrong. I took the pack off my back and tied it to the back rest of my Harley securing it more than I thought my heart could be at that moment. I could feel it crumbling shattering into a million pieces your words still echoeing thru my ears your crushing look still in my minds eye.

I tried to get the imaginary smile from the window out of my head but all I could think of was you were mocking me as I straddled the machine fired it up and sped off into the city night leaving my heart and soul behind on the curb for the next days garbage pick up.The cars were going by me in a blur my eyes filled with tears my mind filled with the nights of making love to you. My ears filled with the words you had told me over and over again. The lies of your love, of your devotion. The nights you laid in my arms, telling me how I owned your soul how I was your one, how you would always be there for me.

It was all going thru my mind, instead of the light turning red, instead of the truck coming from the other street. It all happened so fast and I am not sure how I got here really. All I know is the machine left me and I was flying thru the air I waited for you, for anyone to catch me. Instead I woke up here. Plastic running thru my arms in my mouth unable to talk yet I try to ask for you my lips barely forming your name my voice nothing but a whispered sob. They only look at me strangely as if they think I am insane. Maybe they will put me away. Let me rot in a padded room forever trapped in the memory of your shattering words. Echoing thru my ears thru my soul forever more.

GET OUT I woke up and saw her face. Her brown eyes looking at me taking me in as if she had to concentrate on who I was or was suppose to be. I tried again to talk to reach for her only to find my arms had been tied down. Why was this I thought to myself have I lost it have I gone over the edge finally? I struggled till I was thrashing in the bed, or atleast I thought I was. Must have seemed more like a futile urging as she rested her hand over mine and I stilled without a second thought. Did I know her? No. Did I want to? No. She was not you. I didnt care who she was I didnt I swear. So why did I still under her touch under her gaze. Her eyes piercing into me with one look.

I closed my eyes trying to hide from her. She moved her hand over mine gently and found me again. I ran in my mind she came closer. I couldnt hide. Who was she? I had no idea, but I was rescued by the darkness and then nothing. The whispering grew insistent, urging me to come back to open my eyes. No I screamed inside my soul. I wont come out I will never come out if I have to live without her. This is what I hoped they could hear without having to face them.But would they listen? No.

Do you see? Cant you tell how I fought to not live without you. How I fought the feel of her hand the look of her eyes the smell of her perfume? Where did that come from? How did I know now when she was not there? How did I know she was not there? It was that lack of her. That touch the interupption of time and space felt when she was there. I tried damn it I tried not to lose myself against her. I knew I would not win. Somehow I knew it. Cant you see tho I tried. I had to open my eyes. She was there her hand on mine again. They were gritty they were stuck and they burned but when they set on her they were healed. I was healed. I could see I could smell I could breathe. I open my mouth and knew before I heard my own voice I could speak. I knew before I reached out for her that the tubes were gone. I knew before I took my first step I was home....

my angel came to take me home.

 


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