In The Flesh (my own little eating disorder)

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Non-Fiction  |  House: Booksie Classic
This is a story of girl who has an eating disorder... it's my eating disorder. what i have to deal with when i look in the mirror or when i attempt frood.

Submitted: November 30, 2010

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Submitted: November 30, 2010

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Have you ever had that feeling when you looking your self in the mirror and you think to your self hey i need to loose some weight? That once in a blue moon moment? Well that's me everyday 365 days a year, 24 hours, every minute.

I have an eating disorder... it has me....

i was 13 years old and i was just rapped to young to really know what sex really is, in school, so young. yup that was me. after that happened i started to feel ugly, usless, stupid, that's when it happened.  "IT" it took me buy suprize.

It was lunch time and i was with my friends, having fun. then i get this feeling of self doubt. sadness took me over,( depressed the rest of the day)

 when i got home i saw a movie where this girl was sad and she used her sadness to loose weight.

she purged (self threw up)

that night i tryed it purging, i used a tooth brush. it didn't work. of couse not

the next day at school at lunch i tryed it again, and it worked.

i was so happy,  high,and,  free

free from all of the bad thoughts

i felt clam

then i kept doing it over and over every day at different times

then i wouldn't eat all day and purge out my dinner at my own house. 

no one had a clue, untill i opened my huge fat mouth.

i told my friend, (i opened up a can of worms,) it ended at my sister. 

she didn't believe me at first until she walked in on me "using" my home bathroom ......

i don't purge anymore.

i want to and get the urges but i don't

now what i do is look at pictures of really skinny celebraties and resrict

i try to stay under a certain  weight

i am 5'6128.0 lbs.....

still fat!

no good enough....

Geroge Harrison is who i  look to for thinspiration

it helps because he was so skinny...

so perfect.

it is so easy for me to not eat something than it is to purge it

i still get feelings of over eating.

my day planned out:

eat lunch... (sandwhich with tofu inside)

dinner... (vegtables no meat)

My Eating disorder made me vegetarian!

i can mask it...

i went a week with just soup now i am 128.0 lbs!

if i can get skinny then i will

what ever it takes

i know it has controll over me

but i have controll over it

i won't go anywhere

and i won't get help

i don't want it to go away

i can't be the fat twin anymore!

i refuse!

if skinny is the only way

then so be it

so be it...

here it is in the flesh 

at first my fingers down my throat

 throwing up the food that my mother prepared for me and my family

then not eating enough

in the fesh my eating disorder 


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