Hidden Desires Part 2, "The Highway Alone to Nowhere"

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Horror  |  House: Booksie Classic
Follow this long highway of self discovery that leads to nowhere. Some may find comfort while others will find fear.

Submitted: November 12, 2008

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Submitted: November 12, 2008

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Hidden Desire Part 2, "The Highway Alone to Nowhere"
Current mood: \"\" scared
Category: Writing and Poetry


Hidden Desire, Part 2, "The Highway Alone to Nowhere"

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How many of us know what it is like to truly be alone. Not alone when surrounded by people, but alone.

Imagine a place that you constantly find yourself in, or even go to at times of desperation.

Looking ahead a highway can be seen, Two lanes coming, Two lanes going, split by a large strip of luscious grass. This highway is running down hill you can see the bottom and from there it gradually curves into the depths of natural hills. It appears as if it goes on forever. The hills are covered with gorgeous trees all coming into their fall foliage. The sky is bright and blue yet a grayish tint is amongst all that can be seen. Cars are flying past on the opposite stretch of highway. Cars speed by on the stretch of highway you are finding yourself on, nothing but a blur, you can feel the air from them but to see them is something that is having trouble being focused on.

It is not that you feel as if you are walking on the ground, but walking on air. The scenery that is seen is jumping from side to side as if it is an unfocused video camera being jolted around. A sense of emptiness fills you, dizziness takes over.

Sometimes people can find peace, tranquility, and calmness, However I am here, and I am unable to do this, the only thing I can feel is panic, a sense of being lost, and complete confusion

At first when the journy forward was trying to be made, No where could be gone. It was a constant stationary place where the scenery bounced and everything but you moved. Something was stopping you from the journey that lied ahead, no matter what nothing could be pushed through that imaginary wall.

Then as if magic a sense of knowing takes over and again you begin to walk.

Now it is time to move forward, Now the journey awaits.

The journey moves forward at an extremley fast pace. Looking around furiously you are trying to figure out where you are, find out where to go, what direction to head. Yet for some reason you just keep moving forward.

No quicker than a blink of an eye, you are surrounded by something else, you have found yourself somewhere else. Now it is no a neverending stretch of highway and foliage. There is landmarks, buildings, places, roads with lights, yet the cars have disapeered. Struggiling, and squinting, you fight furiously to make out street signs, building names, billboards, yet everything is moving to fast to beable to focus long enough to see where you are. Left here, right there, straight path ahead, another right, another left, right again, right one more time, and then another left. Nothing seems familiar, nothing seems to be able to be made out.

Sometimes people can find the way, However I am here, and I am unable to do this

Headed down a single road with no lines down the middle of the road, no sidewalks can be found. The road is shaded by a canopy of trees that overlap stretching for miles you are heading the only direction you can. Just to end up right back at the long stretch of highway you started with, cars again, yet the same ones keep flying by.

Sometimes people can calm themselves long enough to think, however I am here and I am unable to do this.

Standing there, and furiously looking around, Worry, Panic, and Fear have become overwhelming.  The breath that is breathed is quick and short, The blood that once flowed through the veins have been drained completley. Thought cannot be gathered enough, all that is felt is a sense of complete Fear.

Somtimes people are able to feel happiness, however, I am here,  I am unable to do this

All the while, the walking is constant, it is no longer walking it is gliding, gliding on air. Quick and Fast, yet out of breath you are not. The same road keeps being followed until again a blink of an eye and you find yourself somewhere else again.

The road still looks unfamiliar, the buildings are still unnoticed, the billboards, signs, and street markers are all blank. Back and forth the vision that is being used folds. Dizziness still remains, Nausea still lies there, Panic still fills the air and moves to the lungs as  every breath is breathed.

Left, right, straight, another right, then a second right, a second left, then straight again. All these roads are being quickly traveled. The searh for surroundings, combined with the fast pace of the movement, Unfamiliar scenery all adds us and it feels as if your head is flying from side to side till all people can see is the look of fear that fills your eyes, the silent scream you try to let escape. Yet you still move, only to end up back where you started at in the first place.

From head to toe panic envelops you into its grasps, fear is locked beneath, everything is moving so fast. No one and nothing is around. It is just you. Just you!

Sometimes people are okay with this however I am here, I am unable to to do this

Stubborness seems to take over. Why give up, why be afraid? Not finding your way through this is not going to be an option. This time YOU! venture forth willingly. There are no roads to turn on yet you turn into the fields of grass that lay on each side. From there you continue forth, somewhere, somehow, it will lead to something or someone. No sooner then that is said you find yourself coming out through trees onto another road you have not yet seen. A gray building with double white steel doors lay on a corner with a small parkinglot that lies ahead. There is a sign in the window but nothing is there. Just a blank white board with nothing. A sign that sits on top of a black pole lays in the front corner of this little places lawn. Looking up to see, yet still no words, still no sign. Just emptiness. A quick left and the building quickly passes. Apparently it is not allowed to stop and take a look, to search for answers. Cuz this road is being traveled, and it is one that was not chosen to go down.

Sometimes there are people who get to choose, however, I am here, I am unable to do this

Straight through and up a curving hill this road with no lines takes. Green trees canopy over the small stretch of road leaving it to be blacker then anything you have known. You continue forth but once again something stops you. You continue to move forth yet no where are you to go. Then no quicker then you begin to fight for the journey you are right back where you started. This long stretch of highway lies before you again.

Who knew such a beautiful view could bring such fear into our lives. Who knew that such a beautiful view could bring so much despair, so much emptyness, so much panic, so much anxiety.

Somtimes people are lucky enough to find the beauty, to find the happiness this gives. I am not, I am unable to do this,

In an act of desperation you open your eyes, It seems like the most logical and quickest way out of this nightmare you unknowingly found yourself in. Yet you open your eyes to darkness, and though you know that you are awake, and know where you are, and know what lies in the darkness, the vision is still there. It plays into the darkness. And once again without a choice the never ending highway lies ahead. You fight to stand still to not move, this journey that leads to nothingness can not be taken anymore it is to damaging, it is to frightening. Yet you keep moving. Down the hill and around the curves and once again you are finding yourself on another road that you do not recognize

Sometimes people recognize the road they are on, however I am here and I am unable to do this.

More buildings without names, more streets that are left blank, more signs that are left blank. Left, left again, left then a sligh right, another left, then another right, straight, then a left, and another right. You seem so close to the destination, you seem so close to finding what lies ahead. Yet once again you are rushed right back to where you started off.

If it is here when eyes remain open, and again when eyes are finally closed, It might as well be journied with eyes closed. At least it is a clearer picture, at least there still may be a chance that something can be seen.

 What seemed like stubborness is actualy blinded inability. There is no other choice but to be here, but to venture through. You are faced for what it seems like an eternity to live through this feeling of emptyness, nothingless, lost, and constant confusion. This is what it is like to be alone, not alone and surrounded by other people, but to be alone.

Falling on my knees to the ground, my fists in balls and placed on the cement, Tears begin to stream from my eyes. I could no longer breath, instead I am gasping for air as I sob and scream. The years of emotions that I have fended off and locked inside come rushing towards me all at once, tackling me all at the same time.

Sometimes people can sort through there emotions, I am here and I am unable to do this.

They are all there, yet I cannot distinguish a single one, I cannot seperate them, nor can I fend them off, but most importantly  I cannot even remember why they are there in the first place.

I feel pushed,  but I will not move, I can no longer stand this

However, I am not given this choice like the rest.  Still remaining on the ground, still refusing to move, yet the ground underneath becomes that of a conveyer belt and begins moving me forwards. Once again this journey continues. Sobbing now and hurt more then ever all the feelings come rushing at me again

Love, Happiness, Joy, selflessness, confidence, hurt, anger, resentment, pain, abuse, anguish, worry, scared, selfish conceited, self conscious, guilt justification more hurt, more pain, fear itself. All the emotions imaginable.

Left, then right, then another right and a quick left, up a hill, down a hill, off onto a beaten path. Yet still nothing can be found, still emptiness that remains, fear has taken over, If i coul find something to rid myself of all this I would.

Then once again I am right back where I started.

And the journey continues on, I face it everytime I close my eyes, everytime I am surrounded by darkness, I am trapped, No way of Escaping, and left with the inability to know what it all means, to find the answers. Put here without a choice, placed here in hopes to gain something else. In a complete act of selflessness, intermingled with a hint of selfish, and complete desire

I had hoped I would have a better look at this world that they had grown to know, that I would find it, and navigate through, in hopes to find them, or hopes to understand better what it is they put themselves through

Unlike me, they like being here, it brings them peace, it brings them contentment, they are able to think while here.

Sometimes people are lucky enough to be faced with this world and come out knowing they can live with themselves.
However I am here, and I am unable to do this.

Sometimes people are lucky enough to beable to live with themselves

Sometimes people cannot live with themselves but at least they know why.

I am here,

However, with me it is different, with me I do not.

And this is what I fear the most

And again I close my eyes, and am force to remain

There is no escape, there is no way out, and no matter how hard I try, I am still left with the inability of being able to find my way.


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