The greatest love story never told

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Romance  |  House: Booksie Classic
Lost love how you made me feel.

Submitted: June 12, 2008

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Submitted: June 12, 2008

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Greatest love story never told

I’m sitting here looking at this blank screen, my hands hovering over the keys searching for some sort of inspiration for what to write. Things haven’t been the same for me since you left me and I just don’t know how to cope without you, youshaped me into the person I am today and finally I’m proud of who I am and you’re not here to share it with me. I find myself thinking back to how we met, stumbling across one another on phone chat of all things, I smile as I recall my thumb aching because of all the texting that night. I catch myself asking you if you remember how you cried when I handed you your new puppy, my heart ached for you that day, I physically felt it expand and for the rest of that day my chest was heavy with the aching love I had for you, I look at him now, he too is lost, I was never his mum, I was that ‘other’ one, the cheek of it, I fed him, walked and clothed the little mutt and still it was only your call he would respond to.
The tears are flowing now as I look at our photo album, the one of us in Prague a month before the illness crept up on you, no, on us for our world was never the same. I watched you shed pounds until to everyone else you were a shadow of your former self, but not to me. I saw you go from strength to strength, refusing to allow it to consume you. I remember how you ordered me a dinner of custard creams and milk, I couldn’t believe you paid 5 delivery for two items just because you knew it would make my day and you were determined to keep doing that even if you couldn’t physically go and get it. Only you knew my secret midnight cravings for custard creams and milk, only you accepted that the food aliens existed and with a straight face you’d listen to me gist you about how they’d dragged me against my will into the kitchen and force fed me those biscuits until the packet was finished.
These tears are relentless, maybe its best if I closed my eyes. With my lids lowered I’m flooded by images of you, they sprint past and I don’t seem able to slow them down so I grab at one. it’s the one of your naked frame streaking across the front room, blocking out the TV, demanding my attention for a second and then you were off again, jiggling down the hallway to the bathroom, daring me to follow you. Of course I did, it was a good day, they were so few and far between then that I snatched at them hungrily, it was short lived, after you showered you collapsed into bed your body screaming in pain, your stomach in arresting knots. How I wanted to take that pain from you, to wrap my arms around you and draw out the discomfort, knowing that I can’t I simply hold you, stroke your hair and reassure you that it will pass, not knowing who those words were for, you or me? It did pass but we continued to lay there, your naked flesh against my person.
Hours passed and we lay together, me kissing your forehead and stroking your cheek as you drifted in and out of a troubled sleep. As the room became engulfed by darkness you began to wake, responding to my kisses. We began our dance of love making, slow measured movements ensuring I didn’t hurt you as I traced my fingers across your frame taking in every inch of your body’s canvas. I replace my fingers with my lips and I feel you shudder and inch closer to my waiting frame.I remove my clothes to appreciate you fully and lay back down, you watching my every move, your eyes darting over my body snatching hungrily at the feast of flesh before you. I’m taking my time, allowing your appetite to develop, I’d hate to spoil your meal by moving too fast.
Finally naked I pause, allowing you to ruminate over the vision of pure, unadulterated love personified. Before you I stand, pledging to love you, your person and your soul, never will I leave your side, never will I forsake you, until the moon refuses to glow and the sun has scorched itself into nothingness, until then I am yours, until then I will stand before you repeating this pledge. My eyes are forced open by the sound of my phone, looking down, I so desperately hope the alert is a message sounding your return to me, my heart aches an anguished shade deeper. Of all the tones, the pitch of a suffering heart is the most troublesome for it contains a depth that no other sound has, its beat is painfully slow and its groan is constant and unforgiving, as am I. I say this to myself, repeat it over and over again as I ponder with my reflection, together we will get through this I think. I can only whisper it in my mind as any louder and you might hear me and punish me further, when I can say it aloud without splashing my hurt in the sink maybe then...I trail off that thought’s path knowing that day will never come.
3 years have passed and still I hurt for what we once had, yearn for your affection with a deep sense of remorse, how did I not appreciate it fully when its reservoir flowed freely without hesitation or limit? Breathe....in....out...in... no matter how many times I repeat the futile exercise I feel nothing but the tightness that sits comfortably on my chest. With that I blink back the tears that are oh so ready to fall and follow the tracks of their predecessors, along the furrows carefully mapped out in a haphazard fashion. Down my cheeks they sprint, collecting under my trembling jaw where with me they pause, together we teeter at the edge of our respective existences pondering whether to jump or be wait to be pushed. As usual another tear joins the collective, adding its grief and anguish to the weighty matter threatening to cascade over the precipice that is my chin and all is lost. Huge globules of my person struggle over one another scrambling to get away from my tortured soul to a freedom I will never experience.
What they refuse to tellyou about the greatest love story ever told is that by accepting its sweet and fluffyinvitation, you are scrawling your name on the register for future untold pain. I’ve seen my name in indelible ink, it will not fade nor can it be removed, the only hope offered is time, so until time passes me by and nods his approval I shall remain a victim of true love.


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