poem on pollution

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Poetry  |  House: Booksie Classic

polution is the main problem in our world.so i just want your attention,and aware people about pollution

LOOK OUTSIDE, SEE THE TREES

WATCH THE FLOWER IN THE BREEZE

THINGS WONT'BE LIKE THIS IN A YEAR OR TWO

IF POLLOUTING IS ALL WE DO

SEIZE THE NIGHT

SEIZE THE DAY

THINGS WANT ALWAYS BE THIS WAY

THOUSAND OF PEOPLE ARE DYING

IN THE NIGHT YOU HEAR YOUR CHILDREN CRYING

LET'S STOP THE WAR 

OUR PEOPLE ARE SORE

THE WORLD CAN'T HELP ITSELF

WHO CARES ABOUT YOUR WEALTH

HELP ME TO HELP YOU

SHOW THE WORLD WHAT YOU CAN DO

 


Submitted: July 22, 2014

© Copyright 2022 simrandeep. All rights reserved.

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Comments

Andrew Taranta

Okay before I begin you did post this poem on an open forum of sorts so please be open to criticism. I really didn't like this. Like your rhyming was horrific, it felt like it was written by a 6th grader. The vocabulary was just very simple. Now on to the good. I liked the message. I also liked how you broke the scheme in lines 5.6. Carpe diem! I liked the last 4 lines a lot. One good tip is to never use the same word to end a rhyme twice in the same poem. It basically just screams "I don't know many words" Thanks for sharing and I'm hoping you have better work.

Tue, July 22nd, 2014 5:13pm

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