She just sits in her chair and stares into space, like she is nothing but a doll. The only proof of life is the slow steady rise of her chest, and the occasional twitch of her lips, like she is trying to fight a smile. I place the bear back in her lap, knowing it will be on the floor again soon. It was his last present to her. The doctors don’t come anymore, or even her parents. After 6 years there is almost no one that even tries anymore. If I hadn’t known her before, if I hadn’t known she could be so alive, I would have given up too. If I hadn’t known, I wouldn’t talk to her every day, wouldn’t fix the bear, wouldn’t have seen her take a deep breath and close her fingers. I wouldn’t have notice the bruises that were covered by her sweater. If I didn’t care, she would be gone and at peace right now.
She just sites in her chair and stares into space, as he abuses her every night. He is supposes to protect her. Keep her safe when no one else is around. Instead he sends her deeper into her hole. Farther from life. She tries to fight back, push through the walls that keep her trapped, but clenching her fists and crying is all she can do. He knocked her bear to the floor, knocked ‘his’ bear to the floor, and that’s when her tears start. It’s the only way she shows life. She might as well be a doll, if not for the bruises he puts on her, and small red cuts down her side, he covers it all with her sweater when he leaves.
She just sits in her chair and stares into space; I ask her again and again who did it. I ask the night guard, but he said he had not seen anyone. The doctor doesn’t know either. She just says she must do it to herself at night. But I know different, the lines are too straight, to perfect, like a blade cut them, not nails. I stayed with her for as long as I could. A talk to her, pleaded that she wakes up and tell me. Then I do the unthinkable. I used ‘his’ name, I ask her if this is what he would have wanted, if he would let anyone hurt her. I see her lips twitch, but I hear nothing but a whisper. My shifts end, they won’t let me spend another night without pay; the guard said he would watch her; no one would got to her.
She just sits in her chair and stares into space, as he yells, and he knocks the bear down again. Her leg twitches. He had to pay the doctor off, but he knew the nurse wouldn’t take money, he knew they had been childhood friends. He pulled his dolls hair, and leaned in close. She closed her fist. The blade flashes pressed into her neck. Before he could whisper into her ear he heard her voice, it was hoarse but it was clear “he would have hated it” the guard pulled back. Just in time for her fist to miss his face, but she was slow, to long since she moved on her own. He grabs her arms and smiles, "so my doll lives, well not for long, together, we will go together". She knew then, she should have stayed in the dark, and let him hurt her. He had waited, till his doll lived, so he could kill her. She braced for the blade, but instead saw a gun. She smiled and went limp, it would be fast, and she would be with 'him'. It would be ok.
She just sits in her chair and stares into space, not telling me the pain she had gone through, was going through. The doctor had called, she had done some tests. He had paid her, but money wasn’t worth it. Not when she knew. I hung up before she finished, and called 911, but I knew I had to get to her, had to save her. I couldn’t stop 'him' from dying, but I can stop her. I heard the yelling before I got to the room, I almost fell when I hurt her voice. I pushed open the door and fell into his back. Pain, it’s all I remember, beside the deafening noise. But when it all calmed down I heard her voice and saw people running around. A man came next to me shouting that I was in shock. All I knew was my angel was moving was talking. She wasn’t a doll.
She just sits in her chair and stares into space, waiting for the pain, but it never came. He turned and fired twice when the door burst open, he kept firing but he only had two bullets. He threw the gun at his doll and lunged at the nurse, but she was on the floor, lifeless, blood all over her stomach. The doll screamed, she had memoires that no doll had, and they were of blood, so much blood. Everyone died, everyone always died. She heard footsteps down the hall. Had to protect her friend. She wouldn’t die, not like ‘him’. The doll moved grabbed the guard. And held on, through the punches, and the scratches. Even when new hand grabbed her she still hung on till she couldn’t. Then she was by her friend. The only one who still cared. She would live till she knew the nurse was ok. Till everyone important was gone. They smiled at each other till the medics carried each girl to the hospital and away from the hospice.
She just sits in her chair and stares into space, like nothing happened. Or so her doctors told me. It had been months since I had been at work. The doctor had come to visit me a few times, telling me what the tests she had done found. And to give me a small letter from my friend. I will live till you are gone, I will hold on as long as you do to. You are my friend, my only tie to life. Till I lose you I will have something to live for, my only thing to live for. I understand if you don’t come back to work, they said the shot messed you up pretty bad. The shrinks are talking to me again, but I’m not talking to them. I wonder how long till they give up again. 2 maybe 3 years. I don’t care, I have nothing left to say, ill use my last few breaths thinking about James. He was all that mattered to me. All but you. Thank you for caring. Please take good care of his bear for me. Love your Dol. And as I held the bear I found on my night stand I knew, I had to get her back.
She just sits in her chair and stares into space, reliving those last few moments with ‘him’. That’s all she ever did. She doesn’t see the wall with the ugly peeling wall paper, or the pictures of beautiful landscapes. She see nothing real. From beginning to end, every day she relives her life with him. As far as she is concerned she didn’t live before or after he came into her life. That first smile, kiss, hug, and their first time. Every moment, every breath. Like it was still happening. She always ended the day before, before he left for school and everything went wrong. Before the blood, bone, and metal all mixed together. Just because she stopped thinking about it, doesn’t mean she doesn’t dream about it. She was remembering there first kiss when the door opened. Her eyes didn’t even flicker, but her finger twitched when she felt the hand on hers. She knew her friend was there, but she only wanted to remember, not talk, she had nothing left to say.
She just sits in her chair and stares into space, as my hand covers hers. I just sit on the floor waiting for her to say something when she doesn’t like I knew she wouldn’t I start to talk. “The doctors did some test on you. And they found something interesting.” I pause waiting for a reaction, there isn’t one “you know this its living right? You said as long as you had something important you would live, but sitting here day after day, wasting away isn’t living!” I have to calm down, I’m pacing the room, I use to just say nice thing, sweet thing to keep her happy, but now that I know she can hear me, understand me, I can’t hold back. “You know James wouldn’t have wanted this, he loves you cause of your life, your fire, your insulting his name by living like this because of him” I saw her flinch and knew I was getting through. “The tests they did” I stand in front of her, and touch her face while I calmly say “they found out your pregnant, only a few weeks but you are. Now you can sit here and remember someone who would want you to live, and they will kill your baby. Or you can get out of that stupid chair and live for your kid” her eyes were closed, but I could feel her trembling.
She just sits in her chair and stares into space while she says “its' that mans child, I didn’t ask for this, what if I don’t want it?” the nurse just smiles and says, “you wouldn’t have said anything if you wanted it gone”. Years went by, it wasn’t easy, proving she was ready, that she wouldn’t go back again and abandon the child. But a few months after his birth, they were moving into the house with her friend. She was to be her full time nurse till the courts were satisfied. It was hard, and at first she thought she would take it all back, if he looked too much like the man that hurt her. But Vince was perfect, and looked so much like her people thought he was a girl. There were still scars from everything that had happened. She had been through so much, but she never let him see them. He is 3 now, and has so much life in him. He is so much like his ‘dad’. The one that died in the car accident. And she loves him just the same.
She just sits in her chair and stares into space while she rocks him to sleep. This is the only time I see her like she was. And I know, everything will be all right.
© Copyright 2016 sirens song. All rights reserved.
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