The Black Friday Blessings

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Humor  |  House: Booksie Classic
This short story is a celebration of one of my favorite past times-shopping!

Submitted: October 04, 2008

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Submitted: October 04, 2008

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Thanksgiving is a great time of sharing and communing with family, friends, and loved ones (even some that you might not necessarily love, yet they manage to end up at the house uninvited with Zip Lock bags and Tupper Ware bowls trying to take leftovers…but that’s another story). However, the day after Thanksgiving is even better. All hail BLACK FRIDAY (…cue the horn ensemble), a monumental day in the lives of many, if not all Americans.So it’s 2:00am, the Friday after Thanksgiving, and my aunts, my cousins, and I are all sitting around the roundtable in Godfather fashion. The eldest aunt, Eve, is handing out directions and directives like hit orders by the Italian mafia. ‘You…be sure to…And you, remember to…Yeah, and take the little one with you, it’s time she learn…”. We’re sipping caffeine-laced drinks like they’re going out of style. A few minutes after Eve gives orders, we jointly devise a methodical plan with the aid of Black Friday sales papers, a map of the parking lot, and a diagram of Regency Square Mall with money-green X’s to mark the sale hotspots.Questions are thrown about madly in voices that demand righteous answers: “Whose car are we taking? Better yet, whose van are we taking? Is the vehicle capable of holding the bounty of this Black Friday’s chic fashion/wizzy-electronic/bedazzled jewelry harvest? Point of entry-where is it? And what about parking: which of us possesses the strategic maneuvering skills required to steal good parking like Griffey stealing 3rd? Whose bold enough to block vulnerable, empty parking slots while the rest circle like vultures going in for the kill?” A final chart is made showing who does what, where we meet, when we move, and emergency contact information; after all, Black Friday is infamous for its bloody brawls over last Super Nintendos,only-one-remaining flat screens,and special edition Huffy BMXs.
Seven power showers and approximately 12 outfit changes later (almost 2 per person with consideration given to cuteness and comfortability), we emerge poised and ready, donning hard and emotionless game faces. The ride to Regency Square is usually a 15 minute drive, but Black Friday and the excitement of wrangling the year’s best deals on the year’s hottest items presses the pedal to the metal, and we find ourselves arriving in a time worthy of Olympic medal. En route, the decision has been unanimously made to begin at the food court/small business vending/random-odds-and-ends kiosk entrance-where we wouldn’t dare waste our mad money. We huddle together in a ragged oval, something similar to a Sunday NFL scene on ABC, filled with anxious anxiety and aggression that is only rivaled by menopausal hostility. With a solidified game plan and a list of hit and miss stores, we break-HARD!!!
Within 5 minutes, the huddle has disbanded and we all very individually scurry off in search of the deals that we’ve waited for and longed for, deals that we’re dying to embrace (…Wow, deals sound like men!).I follow the smell of sweat produced by rapid and sudden movements, and the sound of angry yells and screams over misleading signs and incorrect prices. Through crowds of malodorous families, I juke, jerk, and pivot my way east until finally I stand in front of the store of my youth, a college student’s best friend-Old Navy! It’s approximately 4:30am, and I finally have an earnest revelation of the saying, “The early bird catches the worm.”. My eyes survey the terrain and glaze over the items, dishoveled, unfolded, and flung about wildly. My sale radar, which is something of an innate ability divinely implanted in me by the Almighty Himself, sounds and resounds within me, and I focus in on “ALL CLEARANCE-EXTRA 75% OFF”. If that’s not an OMG moment, I don’t know what is. My senses are heightened and my survival of the fittest mode has kicked in. I find myself tucking, hitting curves, and leaping like a Heisman trophy winner. My footwork just graduated from regular season to Super Bowl status, oh yeah!
I arrive at the clearance rack in record time, personal besting my shopping spree sprint records. One quick glance, and I’ve taken in sizes, styles, prices-post reduction might I add, items that will definitely remain orphaned, items that will be fostered, and items that will permanently be adopted into my loving and caring wardrobe. I’m in the zone now. The zone, as it pertains to shopping invokes a certain belligerence that could easily turn to violence if the wrong move is made or the wrong words spoken. My fingers and eyes concurrently scan through shirt after pant, skirt after dress, all shiny and soft, and ruffled, and denim. All the while, I’m thinking “God if heaven is like this, take me yesterday!”
To be continued… :-P


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