Unrequited Love (by SkittleFlavoredPoison)

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Editorial and Opinion  |  House: Booksie Classic
Well, I'm not sure if this can be considered an essay. I'm an airhead, you see. But okay, this one is about love (as usual), unrequited love specifically. The title says it all anyways so I better cut this short.

Submitted: June 03, 2010

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Submitted: June 03, 2010

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Okay, since I still have my writer’s block I’m going to write about what’s been bothering me lately. As the title says, it’s about my unrequited love for someone whom I’d like to call ‘Matt’ but really that’s not his real name and I don’t think I’d ever tell you who he is. Some of you might think you know him but he’s not that guy, he’s someone else. Matt is my first love, or so I’d like to think. It took me awhile to acknowledge that fact, and even now I still sometimes want to deny but what else could he be? He’s been stuck in my head and of course my heart for four long years and he still is. I’ve always had a hard time letting things go, I just didn’t know that I’d have a hard time letting people go too. The strange thing is I don’t hurt when I see my other crushes being with the girl they like but when it comes to him my heart hurts all over. And at that time I didn’t even know he had a girlfriend yet, I just read a song he dedicated to someone, I even hoped it was me but then it couldn’t be and really wasn’t. That was the time I realized I really was in love with him, it took me four years to realize that it wasn’t just infatuation or a simple crush.

I’ve always thought that sooner or later I’d be able to accept that there’s never going to be any chance but somehow my heart is as hard as my head. If only I was completely numb but I’m not, not yet. I still hope and I still care, when he doesn’t even know, not that I would’ve wanted him to know, he’d just reject me…but still this stupid heart can’t understand that there’s nothing but heartbreak waiting if I keep on hanging on to him. I guess that’s the reason I’m not really forgetting him because in the first place I, or my heart, doesn’t really want to.

I’m not even sure if he’s the same guy I’ve loved for all I know he might’ve changed a lot. Maybe I’m now just in love with a memory of someone who’s completely changed. Just in love with a memory…

I don’t know if you guys can relate or anything, I mean a lot of people out there are lucky because most of the time the ones they fall in love with also are in love with them. Love… it used to be such a foreign word to me, I never thought I’d discover it in someone so unlikely. I never knew hate could turn to love. I despised him before but somehow Cupid intentionally made me fall for the one I never thought I’d even like. Maybe he knew about the reason for the sudden change of hostility to friendliness. Maybe…but then maybe not.

I don’t know when this will end or if it ever ends. For now, all I can do is listen to whatever my heart is saying right now and right now it says…Matt.

So, for now I’ll listen to songs that describe what I’m feeling and realize that like in most of the songs there’s always going to be a time when I’ll get better. I’ll get over him…


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