Feminism Forgotten- Decisions (3rd in trilogy)

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Other  |  House: Booksie Classic
A story part of a trilogy about the struggle for feminism t be acknowledged in an ignorant country.

Submitted: January 04, 2012

A A A | A A A

Submitted: January 04, 2012




Chapter one, Amelia

It's not easy. No decison I am going to make is going to end perfectly. Especially as he is naieve enough to think that we can join Feminism Forever and strive for equality whilst having a good value education. Wrong.

If we join we will not be able to go to school. Ever. Not knowing that when we were caught we would go to prison for ten years. Maybe longer. Actually probably longer.

I have told Aidan all of this. Simply he says: "More things are important than education,". 
What? I worked so so so hard to get into Latchford. Quitting school would be like saying: "Yes, Mr Coreleone, you were right. Us girls are not cut out for a boys school,". Secondly Aidan dotes school (as much as myself). Every inch of him flows with information. He is a fount of knowledge.

But maybe being part of something special makes you superbly special; maybe you become a super shining star. A higher percentage of people have an education but surely they are missing out on the perks of being a commited member of Feminism Forever. So maybe having an education is a bit of a cliche; swarms of people have one; but perhaps not in every country.

I cannot decide. I want to join. I want an education.

Chapter two, Aidan

Make a decision. Honestly. Nothing like keeping me waiting. Truthfully I feel like I am a fish on a reel; one minute I'm being pulled up and the next I am going into the seas of confusion.

Honestly I know I was a little too optimistic when I suggested the idea; which firstly was shot down into shards rather than pieces but then the shards were put back together which formed pieces which then went back together again; as complete as a jigsaw. Ready for Amelia's scrutiny.

I thought it would be simple. We would join and be able to go to school too; once we had an education we could get a job and also be more useful for Feminism Forever.

But it is one or another. Education or Feminism Forever. Knowledge or quality.

I need to know what Amelia thinkg. Honestly I do not know what I want to do; even though I pretend that I do. Amelia will have to make the decision. Not myself. I would not know where to begin whereas Amelia is a lot more intelligent than I am. I can count on Amelia. She'll know what to do. She always does. 

Chapter three- Amelia

Finally the weekend. Weekdays drag on like an extendable lead. School is like a chore that I am determined to do. Every subject I have forced mysekf to be ahead at. Being behinf would be like being stranded in the Sahara desert.

I motivate myself. You would think that the teachers would be the people to spur you on. Ha. All the teacher are males ; talk about sexist. Consequently most of them try to belittle me or try to ignor me altogether. Most. Only Mr Carlton treats me normally. At first it was because he knew I was a blood relative to Carl Andrews; who he admired. But now it is because I am not scared to challenge his opinions; and I actually think he consequently has changed some of his own opinions. Regularly I go to debating club (I am the only member) and we have some good discussions. Afterwards I do essays as well because he thinks it is a good way of being interested in writing (being a bookworm I am really interested in writing) as well as preparing me for english (and history) assesments where written communication is really important.

Anyway I am meeting Aidan in our special place. Delightful. How pleased will he be when he finds out that I have not made a decision after all this thinking time?

But it is not as if the decision is which loaf of bread to choose at the supermarket. It is an enourmous decision. After a long hard working school week I want a rest from thinking. Is that too much to ask for?

Chapter four, Aidan

For once I am earlier than Amelia. Weird. Punctuality is Amelia's middle name. Why would she be late?

Now I have spotted her. Reluctantly she is strolling towards me. Take your time. Yes, I can waiting a millenia for you to finally reach me. 

Normally I see a dazzling woman. However up close she looks... different. Her hair looks ruffled, her face pained and her eyes lacking their usual grandeur. Instead they look tired. She looks tired.

"Hello," Amelia says in a guilty tone.
"Hello," I say, attempting to sound bright and cheery; she needs cheering up.
"Oh, Aidan. I haven't managed to decide," Amelia bursts out in a wail.
"Haven't you?" I ask curiously; knowing Amelia she has something to get off her chest. Urgently.
"Well, I'm busy. School work, surviving with my family, wondering if..." Amelia starts defensively but abruptly stops, causing a sense of mystery.
"Wondering what?" I ask curiously.
"Never mind," Amelia says flippantly.
"But I do mind. Since when have you kept secrets from me?" I say in a hurt voice. Amelia is my girlfriend. Shouldn't she happily share everything with me?
"Since all you care about is persuading me into joining Feminism Forever," Amelia says accusatorily.
"Is that what you think? Never would I pressurise you into anything," I reply, sincerely shocked.
"Really?" Amelia asks, unconvinced.
"Really. You are all I care about, Actually I haven't decided what I want to do either," I admit truthfully.
"Aidan, you pig. You made me think you had," Amelia says, slapping me lightly.
"Sorry, ok? Take all the time you need to decide while I try to make my decision. Anyway what were you wondering?" I ask.
"I was wondering whether I should contact my Mum," Amelia answers.
"What?" I ask, seriously surprised.
"Well, it's worth a try," Amelia says.
"What's worth a try?" I ask, confusion building inside of me.
"Finding my Mum. If I found my Mum I could feel part of something," Amelia says dreamily.
"But..."I start.
"No matter how petty you may think I am I cannot forget that I am adopted. I cannot forget that I have never had a family that others take for granted," Amelia says tearfully.
"But..." I start.
"If I do not find her then that is that. But I would know that I had tried," Amelia says lightly.
"I will help you," I volunteer.
"Really?" Amelia asks happily.
"Of course. I love you too much to leave you alone to do it," I say passionately.
"What would be wrong with me doing it alone?" Amelia asks, almost in that dreamy tone again.
"Snap out of it. It is the real work not some fictional fancy fantasy," I say roughly.
"Sometimes I want to be in a fantasy," Amelia says tearfully.
"Oh, please. You sound just like my Mum," I say dismissively.
"You sound like a judgemental twit," Amelia says in a disgusted tone.
Arguments. I hate arguments. Especially between us. Whenever we argue we do it so fiercely and loud that we sound like we loathe each other. Love doesn't seem present. Not at all.
But we do love each other. So so so much. Whenever we touch each other I feel all tingly and blood pumps to my brain energetically. Whenever we share a smile my heart beats faster. Whenever we share a rare kiss it either makes me feel utterly complete or I feel warm and bubbly and I visualise fireworks.

Chapter five, Amelia
Again we are arguing. Why? I mean what is the point? What do we achieve?
Gladly I hear the silence ringing alarmingly in my ears. A break from our raised voices. A well earned break. A breath of well needed fresh air.
What is funny is that before we argue we mainly start a conversation with anger and frustration and then we go soppy about something and then we argue. Honestly I would prefer to be soppy than argue. But I guess that is just me. Well the way Aidan behaves it makes me think that he doesn't want us to be together.
So what if I sometimes resort to fantasy? It is a lot better than remembering my arguing parents; they are still ripping chunks from each other; it is better than making decisions; decisions that I feel forced into making despite what Aidan says; it is better to escape the betrayal from my parents, to escape everything. Sometimes even Aidan.
Chapter six, Aidan
Normally we would end our arguments civilly before departing home. However this argument was so viscious that it dragged on until we both felt so repulsed by one another that we grunted goodbye and walked away.
Now I am with Mum. Predictabky she is howling.
"I wish I knew whether to join Feminism Forever or not," I say frustratedly.
"Not," Mum says quietly.
"Whay?" I ask, taken aback; I thought Mum was in one of her trances where she becomes unaware of the outside world. Apparently not.
"Don't join," Mum answers; looking up at me and sounding as if she is coming out of a daze.
"But why?" I ask.
"Because it ruined your Dad," Mum says simply.
"How?" I ask curiously.
Mum howver howls louder than ever. Useless.
Chapter seven, Amelia
One positive thing that came from our conversation is that I have slightly less pressure to make my decision. However it just means that I am more likely to add pressure to myself when deciding whether I should contact my real Mum or not. A big decision.
Imagine discovering a caring, loving, and doting Mum that has been missing from my life. Imagine talking to that kind of Mum. Imagine living with that Mum.
That was what I was daydreaming when I with Aidan earlier. Something he didn't try to understand. Something he wanted me to "snap out" of. Something he judged.
He has judged his Mum for her current state of mind. He has judged me simply because I dare to dream of something special. He has not judged himself though.
Well not in front of me anyway. Then again he can be a very personal person; I suppose he is like me in that respect. It depends on the circumstances.
Chapter eight, Aidan
Sleeping is impossible. My thoughts keep flittering from one thing to another; my girlfriend Amelia to my Mum, my Mum to my Dad , my Dad to Feminism Forever and Feminism Forever back to Amelia. It is like a continous circle (aren't all circles continuous?).
Nothing recently that I have done has drawn Mum's attention. When I mentioned something related to Dad (that I didn't know at the time) she became alert and her ears flapped up like a comical rabbits. But I stayed. Dad left. So shouldn't I hold more interest over Dad? Unless it was purely a coincedence. But still. It just seems weird that the one time I talk about something unintentionally concerned with my Dad she looks alive again.
I wish I could have gained more information from Mum about Feminism Forever and Dad before she sank into the pits of depression. Again.
Ideas. Maybe I should find out everything for myself about Dad. Amelia is finding stuff out about her Mum so I should find out about Dad. The letter he wrote was so different from every memory I recollect of him. Now I need to find out why. If I can.
Chapter nine, Amelia
Nothing can make me drift off to the idyllic land of dreams. Probably because I have made my decision. Well, one decision. My real Mum matters so so so much to me that I have got to find her. Despite Aidan's judgemental lapse today I hope he can help me on my quest.
Does our continous fighting mean that we can never be together? If so then I can't see how I will ever be happy. Through everything bad I have had Aidan there to comfort me. If we can never be together then we will drift apart having to fight the big, bad and boisterously wild wide world... Alone.
Chapter ten, Aidan
Maybe I should keep my efforts for finding my Dad personal. If Amelia finds out she will probably think of me as a hypocrite for dreaming of a nice guy for a Dad when I judged her for thinking of a nice Mum.
But maybe she shouldn't be kept in the dangerous dark. When I do not know everything Amelia thinks and feels I feel like an outsider. Then we argue. Aggressively.
Today we will meet up like we do every Sunday. So I will monitor how Amelia feels around me so I can know whether to tell her or not. Decisions.
Honestly I am even wondering whether to apologise or not. At the beginning we were getting on well, but when I mentioned her dumb dreaming demeanour it went chaotic. That's life. I guess. One minute you are up high; the next you are down low on the seesaw of life. Down. Down. Down.
Chapter eleven, Amelia
Today I will meet Aidan. Traditionally we always meet on a Sunday so I feel duty bound to follow it. Not that Aidan always has I might mention.
Last time we met I looked like a heinous hyena haunting our special place. Not any more. Personally I like to feel well groomed so I have spent quite a bit of time taming my hair and thinking pleasingly pleasant thoughts as I noticed Aidan looked at my eyes almost critically and so I want them to have their usual sparkle; well Aidan says they have a sparkle. I don't know.
Aidan.Aidan. Aidan. He is all I ever think about. I sound like a boring broken record. Honestly, I don't care. Love is why I think and talk about him all the time. Love is all present when we are together. Love is what makes me feel purposeful. It is precious.
Without this feeling I would feel like a cliche. There are lots of girls who study hard, lots of girls who are undermine by their teachers and lots of girls who want a better home life. Lots and lots and lots.* Girls don't love. Well not on a scale compared to me and Aidan. We are completely inseperable. So it is Aidan who is the only unusual part of me. Special.
* I'm not saying that those things are bad. They are good. But after a bit you want something or someone to make you feel special and original. You want love. If only it was always good.
Chapter twelve, Aidan
Again I am here before Amelia. Unsurprisingly I will apologise. I always apologise whether I am at fault or not. Well that's life.
Anyway, Amelia is coming. Actually she's running towards me, as fast as a raging bull. I'll stand up because I think she might run over me. She has almost reached me. I am ready for the...crash.
But she hasn't crashed into me. She is hugging me so so so affectionately.
"I'm so so so sorry. I was bang out of order to call you judgemental. What happened with your Mum and Dad..." Amelia starts quickly.
"Talking about my Dad I found out something about my Dad," I interrupt and tell Amelia Mum's reaction yesterday.
"Wow," Amelia says shocked.
"So, I've been thinking that I should find out about my Dad which might help me find out where he is and I can also help you find your Mum," I say eagerly.
"Ok. Does that mean our decision about Feminism Forever is postponed?" Amelia asks.
"Of course. We need to make a decision knowing everything we possibly can," I answer.
"Can I help you find out about your Dad?" Amelia asks.
"Of course. We'll need to help eachother," I say.
"Firstly I think I should ask my Mum and Dad where Mum's twin sister lives," Amelia suggests.
"How? I mean your parents probably won't tell you," I say.
" So I'll ask them it really really really quickly when they are stressed so they spill," Amelia says slyly.
"Amelia, you genious devil," I say.
"Well sometimes you have to be," Amelia says lightly.
"That's a good idea anyway. I think I should mention Feminism Forever again to my Mum," I say.
"Ok," Amelia agrees.
"What if it doesn't work?" I ask nervously.
"We call each other and figure out a plan B. Honeslt I think we should try this for a bit before we give up," Amelia says.
"Of course. How long is a bit?" I ask.
"Two to three days. Any lonbger then it is almost like we are waving goodbye to time," Amelia says.
"Amelia, can I ask you something?" I ask.
"You just did. Of course, you can." Amelia says.
"In the films they have code names for the quests. Can we have code names?" I ask childishly.
"Why?" Amelia asks sighing.
"Because we have two missions," I say.
"Fine," Amelia says amd then I distinctly hear her mutter "boys,".
"Whay will they be?" I ask eagerly.
"Er, your Dad's can be called Inside Story and my Mum's can be Dreamer Mission," Amelia suggests shyly.
"Great. Those are great," I say enthusiastically.
"Really?" Amelia asks doubtfully.
"Of course. They are easy to remember and relevany and they don't let on what we are trying to find out," I say.
"What's wrong?" I ask, concerned.
"Nothing. Well..." Amelia starts reluctantly.
"You can tell me anything. Remember that," I urge.
"Well, I just wish we always got on like this. Yesterday reminded me of how young and petty we sometimes are," Amelia says regretfully.
"I wish that too," I say honestly.
Knowing that we have been open about everything makes the hug we share feel special. Perfect.
Chapter thirteen, Amelia
Wow. This hug feels very very very right. Honestly I had doubts. I thought we would argue again. But we didn't. Instead we talked.
Great. It feels great to know that Aidan supports me as he is on a mission too. Great to know that we can have a conversation without getting at each others throats. Great in general.
If only I knew it could last. But I've got to go home soon. Back to my hellish home. Matthew Manx is slowly succeeding with his campaign. Lots of discriminative laws have been abolished and others have been sneered at with snake venom. Yes, more changes. Many changes.
However Mum and Dad still stubbornly argue. Perhaps for something to do. I dunno. Minerva is still in her defensive mose which she changes to soppy mode for Derek. Pathetic she sounds on the phone. Repimanding Derek for his misdemeanors always change to praising him. I guess he squirms snake- like out of trouble like most men.
Ah, well. I have got other things to think about.
Chapter fourteen, Aidan
She's gone. Tearfully we said goodbye to eachother. Now I am lingering here. Well, I don't want to go home do I? Not knowing that I'll have to swoop down on Mum like a vulture to get information. Relevant information. Plus I will also have to listen to the miserable moping too.

Never has looking after her been more of a challenge. She still wastes half of the day in child mode. The other is still spent in deafening howling. Before I could handle it. Thinking I would be able to discover medication or a psychologist. Deluded, more like. Psychologists do not come cheaply and medications have to be signed for by an adult and Mum wouldn't do that. She only reluctantly pays the bills and gives me money for shopping.
I wish I hadn't sneered at Amelia for dreaming just because she reminded me of Mum. I dream. I wish. I wish for magic to come to me so I can make Mum better, I wish for a new improved Dad to come to us and I wish for Amelia and I to be happy. But they're wishes. Only wishes.
Chapter fifteen, Amelia
"Home,". Or so to speak. Currently it is viibrating silence. Oh, well. Honestly I can't be bothered to care.
Regretably I can't carry out our Dreamer Mission as they are not shouting so they can't be caught unawares.
My room is the place I want to be. The only place. However as I am walking upstairs I become distraced. Distracted by a sound coming from a room upstairs. Quickly I step onto the landing. Easily I can decipher where the sound is coming from. My Dad's bedroom.

Deciding that investigation will be more fullfilling that sitting bored on my bed I go further on the landing. Oddly my Dad's bedroom door is open. Normally Dad closes it and forbids Minerva, mother and I from entering. This just makes me feel more inclined to enter. To see what's happening. Slowly and cautiously I walk into Dad's bedroom; I feel as if I am walking into a terrible trap but my feet move nonetheless; controlled by something that I know isn't me. 
However as I walk further inside it becomes plainer that I am in no danger whatsoever. Mum is the issure of the noise, rummaging through Dad's countless possesions queerly quickly and carelessly.
"Mum," I shout.
"Yes," Mum answers weakly, looking up. Instanteously I conclude that Mum is demented due to the prominent protruding vein on her forehead, the fact that she has uncharecteristically not put on any make-up; which she says goes against the laws of fashion, and also her normally casual laid back style has contrarily turned into Linford Christie mode.
"What are you doing?" I ask.
"Your father has been threatening to leave for a while now, even though I suggested how you would feel about this. Anyway he said yesterday that he was all packed and ready. But this morning he had a meeting to attend to so I finally got to check if he has packed," Mum explains gleefully.
"You don't know me at all. If you did you would know how strongly I would object to being used as a tool for your emotional blackmail. Secondly you would know that I don't care if Dad stays or goes," I say sadly.
"Well, I care if he is going," Mum says simply.
"Is he?" I ask curiously.
"No, he isn't going. Well he hasn't packed," Mum says happily.
I shake my head in disgust. Women like Mum have undermined womens self- sufficiency thus underming feminism as men feel inclined to believe that they are the most independent beings alive. Actually, they're not.
Just as I am about to walk away and wallow in self-pity I have a brain wave.
"Mum, where does your twin sister live?" I ask quickly.
"14 Meadow View Drive," Mum answers instinctively.
"Could you write the whole address down please," I ask politely.
Mum thrusts open one of Dad's draws and takes our a notepad and a pen; this is probably where he writes his speeches; and she quickly jots down an address in surprisingly neat writing and then hands it to me.
"Thank you," I say gratefully.
"No bother," Mum says in a sad tone.
As I walk away I wonder whether Mum consciously knew what she was doing. If not then I feel as if I took advantage of her. If yes then I wonder why she didn't ask any questions but adopted a sad tone.
Chapter sixteen, Aidan
No luck. Mum won't answer anything. However her face adopts a pained expression and she howls continuously at a world record amount of volume.
Why? Why tell me not to do something; because she has heard tales from someone; and then not answer my curious questions? Pointless.
Inside Story isn't going as easily as I planned. Inside I feel disappointed to Amelia, I wanted to get answers quickly and easily to make me feel like an idyllic and impressive boyfriend instead of the elephantine let down I feel now.
However I have tommorrow to find answers which I will try to do.
Bring, bring, bring. Our phone is sounding its usual age- old cranky tune. I'll answer it. Oh. It's Amelia. Dreamer Mission has gone has planned, she's got an address for her real Mum and she wants me to help her write a letter tommorrow.
Ironic, isn't it. Women always say that everything works out for me. Yet in my experience Amelia has always had more luck. Oh, well. She's an exception. She's an odd one out. She's a special case.
Chapter seventeen, Amelia
Somethings wrong. Aside from being pleased with my progress with Dreamer Mission Aidan seems bitter. Perhaps; well actually I am almost certain; Aidan feels hurried into quick progres with Inside Story mission as I have already taken a huge leap with Dreamer Mission and he hasn't yet with his mission.
Stupid. I shouldn't have confined us to two measly days. No good. Purposefully I had good reasons; I figured if we had a quick deadline we would strive for finding information quicker; but practically I didn't think it through. I know Aidan. I should have known not to give him a bulky challenge with a short deadline. I know how panicked he can get and how he adopts self- hatred when he doesn't reach deadlines. He's a perfectionist. I should have remembered because I am too.
Mistakes. Mistakes. Mistakes. If I can't arrange a plan with my best friend since forever without making mistake upon mistake upon mistake then how am I supposed to write a letter to a stranger?
Chapter eighteen, Aidan
Another dreary day. At school. Never have I detested it as much. Constantly I feel angry. Angry at the headteacher. Angry at the teachers. Angry at the fact that my best friend is regularly undermined just because of her gender.
Only Mr Carlton treats Amelia fairly. Actually that's a lie. Obvious it is that she is his favourite. But am I jealous? No. She deserves to be treat equally by every man so the fact that she only has one man on her side seems a miniscule proportion.
Anyway, today was alright; well not alright but better because Amelia gave me some news that broke, for a microsecond, the all consuming hatred I feel within this sexist school.
I got given time. Time. I don't mean I got handed a watch; if I did I would image sadly for a rolex; but I got given more time. Political correctness may be against that way of phrasing it so I will say: Amelia informed me that she had reconsidered her judgement on the amount of time we were allocated for our missions and decided to extend it to weeks instead of days. This information made myself feel like I had gained more time .
Amelia didn't want to start the letter today; "I'm scared,"; so we will do it tommorrow.
Chapter nineteen, Amelia
I lied. Well, sort of. I said to Aidan that I was scared to write the letter to my Mum. The truth. But not the whole truth.
Never did I mention that I feel genuinely guilty for having taken the information from Mum when she was weak; which she still is and she is still in the same position because Dad has not returned yet; and how I feel so rotten about it.
Never did I mention how petrified I am about writing the letter. What if I make a mistake? What if I bore her? What if I am a disappointment to her?
Never did I tell him this. Weirdly it seemed incredibly personal. Knowing what he has been through with his Mum I didn't want to bring it back up by mentioning mine. Emotions are too private to openly discuss. Especially in school. No. Everything important has to be said at the special place. We're going there tomorrow.
Chapter twenty, Aidan
No luck. No luck. No luck. Another day of tedious school. Another day of desperately asking Mum questions. Another day of disappointments.
Well it could improve. Only if the meeting with Amelia goes well. I'll hold my breath. Not.
Sometimes I feel as if a part of me died. Evaporated into thin air. My optimism is almost invisible, my smiles rare and my happiness is a shadow of the past.
Chapter twenty one, Amelia
Waiting. Waiting for a reply. Waiting.
Weeks have gone by since we posted the letter. Weeks at school have gone by. Weeks at home have gone by.
The letter we wrote was this:
Dear Laura Andrews
There is no easy way of writing this so I'll just come out with it. I am your daughter. Only a few weeks ago I found this information out for myself. All of these years I thought that your sister was my biological Mum. Never did I know that she had a twin sister. You.

I hope you have not moved because I suspect this is an old address of yours. Anyway, I will get down to the bottom of it. I want to get to know you. Please reply.
Yours sincerely, Amelia Andrews

Maybe we could have written a higher standard letter but I was a bit impatient to post it.
School has improved. Largely. All of the teachers; except Mr Carlton; have been transferred to all boy schools due to the girls at out school complaining about them to the government. The teachers we have now; except Mr Carlton; are young. All the teachers have been trained to keep their personal views about men and women under wraps.
Dad didn't leave us. Normally I would think having the oppurtunity to get rid of him and then it being shot down would disappoint me. But I love him. Despite everything. Somehow him threatening to leave has brought all of us together. We work harder for him; well I work hard for him because I care about how Mum feels. Well we aren't a happy clappy family who smiles cheesily all the time. We're just ok. Thank you Matthew Manx.
Chapter twenty two, Aidan
We're meeting up. Now. Things have changed slightly. Everywhere. More laws are being abolished, lots of people are having their jobs changed and yet people aren't angry. I guess they realise that Matthew Manx's equality scheme has caused more good than Carl Andrews scheme.
Now I am in our special place. Amelia's there. She's wabing a letter. The reply?
She's shouting: "It's not from. A reply. A reply. A reply,".
I race up to where she's standing, as eager as she is. After all of these weeks of waiting for a reply to our letter; which wasn't easy to write and ended up sounding slightly incoherent; it has come.
Without being prompted Amelia opens the letter shakily. Amelia reads out:
Dear Amelia Andrews
You deserve to know the truth. After my sister and husband were married they longed for a child. Adopting a strangers child was their only option. But I became pregnant out of wed lock. Young and foolish I was at the time. Not mature enough to raise a baby. So I decided to give my bvaby a chance as well as making my sister happy. 
Afterward I told my sister to pretend that she had you naturally so you wouldn't eel hurt ot awkward. Also I told her to be ashamed of me; the sister who had brought a child into the world illegitimate; and shun me. Really I just wanted to avoid seeing her with you and feeling the pain, longing and sadness because I couldn't have you.
Thank you for writing to me. I wish I felt ready to talk to you. But I don't. If we contacted I don't think I could handle it. All of the past would come back to me. All the pain and suffering. All the heartache. 
It wouldn't work long term. Although you would try to disguise it we'd both know that you resented me and I would constantly be reminded of my mistakes. That would be a living hell.
This doesn't mean you're a good person. Without knowing you I feel you're exceptional. But I just don't want you to put you through my bad parenting and I don't want to live in the past.
Yours sincerely
Laura Andrews
Chapter twenty three, Amelia
Dreamer Mission has shattered into a million pieces. I should have know that they were just dreams. No truths. None.
At least I can be reassured by the fact that her letter seemed to come from the heart, like mine did. Which is probably why they both weren't accurate and well planned, the heart beats constantly and the blood in every direction.
Anyway, I'm glad for a reply. Even if it wasn't what I expected. Maybe this twist was good. A blessing in disguise.
Chapter twenty four, Aidan
Poor Amelia. Right now she is thinking so hard that a vein is sticking out on her forehead.
"Amelia, are you ok?" I ask concerned.
"What?" Amelia asks in a dased tone.
"Are you disappointed?" I ask.
"No. I'm not. What I wanted was a family. I've had one all along," Amelia says.
"Your Mum and Dad?" I ask incredilously.
"No. You. You and I are a family and this is our home," Amelia says.
"Really?" I ask.
"Well, technically," Amelia answers.
"So, you're ok?" I ask.
"Yes. I'm glad I found out my start in life," Amelia says brightly.
"Amelia you've given me an idea. In Dad's letter he said to find out the beginning you have to look at the end. So to find out the start we have to look at the end," I say eagerly.
"But he could be anywhere," Amelia says.
"No, his end as a family man, well he thought being a family man was most important and he did that at home," I say.
Quickly Amelia and I found out the truth. In Dad's bedroom was a little notebook that said on the front: To Aidan, I give you a summary of my story. He's only done a page but it was enough. Here's what he wrote:
I have decided that I want you to know the man I am under my disguise of bitterness and anger. So I havew written you this. I hope this makes you resent me less.
My Dad was a rich business man who I despised. Never did he let anybody else have an opinion. His word was law. Most of the topics we had differing opinions were petty so I didn't mind his attitude so much. But I wanted to abolish his views; and every other mans views; about women as well as wanting to impress your Mum who he wouldn't let me see because she was poorer.
So once I was old enough I used the money Dad had given to me and bought this house for your Mum and I and started my own business. Once it was successful I paid for workers to run the business whilst I joined Feminism Forever. I joined because I heard it was fighting for freedom for women and I wanted to help.
However when I joined I realised that it wasn't quite as simple as the brochures suggested, It was a terrorism group. Before I had done any missions for Maxime Munt; I didn't see them as relevant to the aims of the organisation; the Maxime Munt situation started. Lots of members were caught. Including me. 
But because I was a new unused member and your Mum was pregnant I wasn't prisoned. But that came at a price.
Both the police and Feminism Forever drained most of my business and money. This made me feel bitter and depressed because I had been humiliated by women and taken advantage of. So I decided that althought I had hated being brought up by my Dad his methods were best even if they were sexist. 
So I hope you don't hate me for leaving. I just can't pretend anymore. I can't pretend I am not stressed about money.
Chapter twenty five, Amelia
That note changed everything. Aidan and I won't join Feminism Forever. We wouldn't want to join a group that uses violence to get its point across.
That note didn't just make up our mind. It has made us realise that a lot of people hide their feelings until they escape, but really the truth is best.
So Aidan and I have achieved both of out missions. Our decisions have been made. So far. Life is full of decisions so we'll have to make more. We'll have surprises in life as we have recently. Maybe in ten years time Aidan and I will have gotten our qualifications, be married and have children and helped feminism and all the way through it our families will be whole and united. Anything is possible. Especially with the people you love.


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