One Night In Black Dream
The dark cloud that loomed over her foggy mind took her to another time, another place far from the things ordinary, far from boring…far from the pain of living. She yearned for death, she yearned to feel his hands touch her body, to kiss her scars – to capture her in his arms and never let go. She yearned to feel alive and lately – it seemed she could only ever feel it through dying.
It did no good because when she wanted to die, someone always stopped her. Froze her and made her step back from the ledge or throw the knife across the room. It was her guardian angel, which was what she called him and tonight she was determined to meet him face to face…he said one night but didn’t say how or when. Angel Azrael just knew she couldn’t wait any longer. She had to know of the guardian that was keeping her alive and slowly driving her insane.
Angel had found a small razor amongst the clutter in the small basket below the sink, with satisfaction she took it out, closing her eyes momentarily with only a seconds thought of hesitation. When she opened them again, he was there, in the mirror – beside her.
“You’re here.” She smiled, knowing he would come.
He frowned in return, which meant he was yet again unhappy.
“Yes, you’re about to do something stupid Azrael – do you truly yearn for death, so much so that? He asked.
It was asked so soft she had wondered if he had even said anything at all.
“I yearn for you, to know about you, who you are-what you are.”
He seemed to consider this a moment, remaining silent.
This made her upset.
“Last time, you promised me you would take me with you!” She screamed, her raven hair now shining with an intense hot aura of both frustration and sadness. Her blue eyes raging against the torn emotions as she desperately yearned for some peace to this torment he had set upon her.
“I want to know death! I want to shake his hand and ravish in his peace…I want to die!” Angel screamed, her voice raising to an ear shattering pierce, but all she was met with was silence.
“You promised to show me.” Angel finished weakly, the tears spilling over her eyes.
With no thoughts or repercussions she took the razor and set it, not across her wrist but vertical, knowing that she would finally be able to let go.
“I am only a guardian. I cannot stop you this time if you choose to do this. I can merely only watch and wish you could see the beauty that I do. Yet you can’t.” He frowned, his hand coming towards the glass as he held it out. “Come, if this is what you truly wish – then I will show you what awaits. Perhaps I should have done it that first night…when I happened upon the bridge.”
As he spoke he seemed to think back, back to when I was about to hang myself from the overpass of the highway.
“It wasn’t by chance that you stopped me, was it?” I asked, my voice cracking.
“No, it was fate…as fate normally goes. Now come, if this is what you truly desire then it shall be. I will take you to what awaits. As I have promised.
Angel swallowed the lump in her throat but reached out to his hand, jumping slightly.
His hand was cold, dead feeling. She imagined they would feel warmer, though nothing compared to his pale skin, much like hers, but unlike her lips that were a bright red, his were blue. The black hair matching her own as well as the piercing blue eyes…but like her own they were dead.
“We are much the same, huh?” She asked, seeing the dark leather jacket as he pulled her body to the mirror, allowing her to step through. It was a full length mirror thankfully, otherwise she would have had some trouble.
“Yes, a striking resemblance but in nature we are very different.” He explained, a small smile gracing his pale lips.
Angel was tall and slender, a height of around 5’8, a hundred and fifty pounds with gothic white pale skin, red lips and long shoulder length black raven hair.
“Do you have a name?” She asked, pausing to look around, her face turning to shock.
“I have many, but most here just call me Jimmy.” He smiled, glancing around with her.
They were in the middle of a dark forest. It wasn’t just dark, it was pitch black – the only source of light seemed to be coming from Jimmy.
“You’re glowing.” She pointed weakly as he gave a quiet laugh.
“It gets very dark out here, even worse when the fog settles.” He chuckled, his hand never leaving hers as he started to guide her from the tree that use to be her mirror. “There is much to see and explain.”
“I just want to know why…why you chose to save me.” Angel frowned.
For a moment he was silent, again pondering the question.
Angel noticed the fallen leaves beneath them, crunching against the ground as they walked a never ending path.
“Perhaps I saw more to your future then you saw, perhaps I was making amends for my own wrongs…perhaps I understood your pain. I don’t know. You were not my charge. I was supposed to leave you to your fate. Something inside me couldn’t- wouldn’t let you die.”
Angel thought deeply on his answer. She never had many who cared, not many that would miss her if she died, but still something bugged her.
“My future, you said were – past tense. Does this mean…” Angel trailed off, her eyes carefully gazing his face, studying his beauty.
“It means your life will come to an end. The fates are never written in stone and we write our future in sand. Writing so close to the seam there are always waves. A wave has come up and washed away what was supposedly meant to be. I do not know any more than that, I’m sorry.” He apologized, his hand jerking my body to a stop.
He reached over with his other hand, his figure almost touching my own when he grabbed the razor from my right hand and threw it away into the darkness.
“No more cutting and do not manipulate me again or next time you will not be so lucky. I will not always be around to stop you from doing stupid things. That is something you must control on your own. Like you – my time grows short. If everything goes according to plan tonight, I will finally be free. I will have cleared my sins.”
“Sins?” Angel asked him as they started to walk the endless forest again, the echo of dead leaves continued to collapse under their feet.
“Yes, I was alive –long ago. I lived like there was no tomorrow…and then one day when I fell asleep, I never woke back up. I was merely a ghost in a world I was no longer tied to. When I became too weak for the mortal realm, I retreated to here. It is a place I suppose for the lost souls…though, occasionally I like to roam outside this place – I just can never stay there for too long. That is how I found you that day on the bridge. Which brings me to another question, why did you try to hang yourself?”
Angel shrugged indifferently.
“Because there is nothing to live for. My parents are always telling me what a failure I am, my friends are nonexistent – when death seems so peaceful, why fight? Why suffer?”
They continued along to a small clearing, a distant running of water was heard in the dead silence – it sounded almost peaceful.
He pick up on the same sound and shook his head.
“Do not be fooled by what you always hear. Come, I will show you the stream you hear.”
She followed him obediently, his body glowing slightly dimmer – somehow she knew that was tied to what he mentioned before.
When they reached the river, he bent close to the edge, helping Angel down gently along with him so that she wouldn’t fall – their bodies touching momentarily.
“In this forest, the blood of the innocent flows freely. They bypass this circle and are reborn in the next. Those born in this circle must repent and through redemption, we will have our chance to be reborn.” He said, dipping his hand into the body of water.
When it emerged from the red crimson, the blood flowed back into the stream. As it did however the shrill screams of the innocent echoed in the night – as if we disturbed something sacred.
“The innocent die when the guilty disturb their passage.”
Angel dipped a hand in herself, feeling the thick liquid gather around her hand before sliding right through – all still and quiet.
“Why don’t they scream when I touch them?” Angel asked, pulling her hand out, amazed. Her hand was completely clean and untainted.
“Because you are still innocent.” He smiled, letting go of her hand, letting his own rest on the webbed fabric of her skirt. She didn’t protest.
“Why only one night, Jimmy? Why do you have to go away?” She asked with disappointment.
“We must go to the next stage in creation. I have been stuck here for far too long. I need rest but cannot get it unless I steal the innocence of another. That’s what I have been waiting for – and it can only be done tonight. That’s why I promised, because you are the innocence I have been waiting for – but I cannot take it without consent. That is why I brought you hear tonight…” He trailed off, letting the information sink in.
Angel shook her head.
“Not here…if this is where I would end up, I- without you here I couldn’t-“She stuttered, horrified as the realization dawned on her of his intentions.
“You are innocent, the innocent’s blood will flow on to the end of the steam, and the stream will lead you to peace. After all, wasn’t that what you wanted?” He recounted, his voice slightly mocking.
“No, I wanted you. I wanted to know you-“Angel started but he cut her off.
“Then ask away my Azrael, my angel of death.” Jimmy mocked a strange predatory smile spreading across his face.
Angel recoiled from his touch but it was like he caught himself again and conformed back to his soft spoken, serious, dead self. Which confused Angel even more.
“I’m sorry, sometimes I like to scare people…but do you want to truly know me Angel? To really see the man behind the mask?” He asked, removing his jacket from his body.
Angel stuttered, watching as his muscles flexed against the thin cotton undershirt that had been only partially shown. When he discarded the undershirt she could clearly see the tattoos that covered his upper arms and chest. It wasn’t a bad view.
Angel felt herself slipping into a trance as she watched him remove his jeans, a yearning in her sparked again, but she also heard the distant warning of another voice, a voice that screamed to stop – to run. She did not heed it.
Instead, her hands found her shirt while his hands found the hem of her skirt, simultaneously pulling in the opposite direction, their bodies heaving with lust in the shallow glow of his aura.
His muscles were toned, his body – though even in death was still very much beautiful. It matched a shade or two lighter than Angel’s.
“You’re beautiful.” He breathed, reaching out again to touch her – but this time stopped. “Tell me yes, just say you’ll let me.”
Angel moaned, falling deeper into lust as her breath hitched outward.
“I will, please, I’ll do anything.” Angel relented to him, seeing the smile she had longed to see return.
“Thank you.” Jimmy breathed, pushing her back again as he straddled her body. Though it wasn’t gentle, she didn’t care. She was happy, she was complete.
When he slammed into her the first time it was hard, rough…crude. It was everything that felt wrong and everything that felt right all at the same time. She had hoped it would never end…but it seemed to end all too soon. As quick as it began.
In truth the act only lasted mere moments.
His body finally came to rest beside her, his breath gone and shallow.
“I thought the dead didn’t get tired?” Angel breathed as she felt herself start to come back to her senses – the hold over her was gone. Regret slowly making its emotion known.
Angel swallowed, trying hard to wield it away.
“They do when they are dying.” He said sadly, though looked relieved.
She touched his arm but he held it up out of her reach above her head.
“It’s almost time.” He told her with a smile, his eyes glancing up to the black night – not even a star in the sky.
“How will we know?”
Jimmy turned his head to look off in the distance, seeing the fog start to spread of the dead forest. Angel followed his stare.
“When the fog surrounds us, I’ll be gone.” He nodded with certainty, seeming unconcerned now.
Angel was getting worried.
“And me? What will become of me?” She demanded, but it was quiet and weak.
“You’ll wake up. This will all have been a dream, none of this will have happened, not until your death. Then the innocent will scream at your touch.”
To make sure he was being clear he pulled himself up and dipped his hand into the water, lifting it out clean. Smiling triumphantly.
It was only then did she realize she had been used and manipulated.
“You only saved me to save yourself!” Angel yelled, standing up – her nude body glistening dully in the aura of his light, sweat and heat spinning around her like a vortex of constricting air.
“You demon!” Angel exclaimed, going to move from her spot to fight him, bust as soon as she raised her body up, the fog started to set in.
“I took what you didn’t want.” He shrugged, letting his body slide into the bloody stream, looking back to smile. “You took life for granted, I simply took advantage.” He mused proudly as I leapt forward, diving into the stream after him.
As she touched the water through, a million screams erupted into the night air. Echoing, deafening the silence. A second later the bright crimson turned black, the innocent were dying – which made Jimmy howl with laughter.
“It is you that is cursed, my sins are washed. I can be at peace – I can finally rest, and I have you to thank for it.” He continued to tease as Angel jumped from the bloody stream, the dark liquid dripping from her. The tears coming back to her eyes.
The screaming soon died down to nothing.
“You tricked me, it was all a lie! The promises, the hope – you deceived me.” She cried out as the fog finally ascended around them.
“I’ve been roaming this hell for four years. I need rest, Angel. I need peace. Maybe when you die – after four years in a hell you no longer want to be in, watching the stream flow down a path you can’t even follow, hearing the screams of a million innocents die as you try to follow them – but never can. To walk an endless path that leads nowhere – you will seek a soul out to and trick them into giving you their innocents, pumping them with false hope, false desire – watching as they die in front of you. You’re dead Angel, you just don’t know it yet.”
Angel swallowed hard, the light feeling in her head intensifying. She no longer saw Jimmy, but rather the light around them distinguish, followed slowly by her consciousness as she laid naked on the ground, in the drying blood of innocence.
As she let the fog surround and take her back to the place she knew, Angel started to get the meaning of The Rev’s words. She understood.
“I promise, I will never take life for granted again – please, please give me another chance?” She begged to the empty air, letting the fog take her away.
When Angel opened her eyes, she was lying on her bathroom floor, the razor nowhere to be seen and her mind abuzz with new found emotion.
She sat up, looking around, her eyes glancing to the mirror, reaching her hand out – touching glass. She sighed in relief, getting up off the floor. When she looked back, a transparent figure was smiling in the mirror.
She smiled back, touching the apparition’s cheek.
“Thank you.” She whispered, pulling her hand back suddenly.
The apparition screamed, disappearing back into the reflection of the glass, when Angel brought her hand, it was covered in blood.
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