The Ride

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Humor  |  House: Booksie Classic
A combination of wee facts jumbled into a mad bike ride experience.

Submitted: February 12, 2020

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Submitted: February 12, 2020

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Today, as promised, I will be taking my dear friend out to teach her how to ride a motorcycle.  It's been years now since explaining the freedom and fun of riding out in the country side. Though the both of us never learned, it shouldn't be all that difficult.

It was a beautiful late summer day... a typical Friday, mid morning with not much to worry about. As we are out to the flat open farmlands, of where I live.

On our way out, she adjusts the radio... WTF! Doncha, have any good stations here in the US? Call this crap country... it's rock n roll gone wonky!

Eventually she finds a station of oldies... Once I hear the title begin by the sound of the lyrics, I sing out... Do you believe in Malcolm.

WTF! What are you bloody singing? Malcolm, bloody hell, it's Miracles! I can't bloody hear, yet can understand the word miracles, quite easily, mind you. You need a bloody Q-tip or your head examined!

I explained that I have an issue with music and noise going on with words spoken. A wee too loud or when lyrics being sung in the song, it's hard for me to understand.

So another attempt at finding another station... then finally I hear The Red Hot Chilly Peppers... and sing out... Put it away, put it away, put it away now! She looks at me and shakes yer head, and turns off the radio. Bloody hell, no sense listening to music if you can't stop mangling the songs... Can't you just shut up and pretend you know the bloody song for once!

Well it looks like we are off in a flying start... to hell.  As I am about to point out our destination, a farmer is out with his tractor ready for his seed corn harvest. What a most excellent spot, nothing but open road and nothing to ruin the experience.

After parking along the towns dirt path between his farmland, used for maintenance of electricity and telco lines. I pull out all the necessities for our motorcycle experience. A wee pic-a-nick basket, drink, 5 gallons of petrol, and our motorcycle.,, A fancy dirt bike, from my cousin. Big and powerful enough for two.

I lock up the 4x4, unload the motor bike, fill it's tank. and tie the package of goodies over the tank. Obviously she is not too happy... it's been bloody murder with her not willing to be on a motor bike, let alone learn to ride. It's one of them turning point moments. You won't know until it's placed in your lap. Well, I don't think she's not going to sit still long enough, for it to happen. If I can ride a motor bike, she'll see it's easy peasy, right? 

I turn the stopper to the fuel line, to allow fuel into the carb, pump the sqeezey bulb thingy, to fill the carb, and make sure the bike is in in neutral. Showing her the whole procedure, as to follow along. Being a big bike, she being wee, won't be able to start it on her own. So I start it up after a few attempts. Each one she tells me... awwww, it's not going to happen today, maybe another time, aye!

Shush your gob woman!

Well now that it is running, I point the bike in the direction we are to go, before mounting on the bike. Being wee, she will need assistance, since her feetys, don't touch the ground when sested. Impossible! Bike keeps toppling as it try to balance and place her in front of me.

So I get the bright idea to use the 4x4 to rest the bike upright while she sits in place. Problem solved! Me seated at the far back, everything seems in place, ready to go. She stops and tells me she needs to pee.

Luckily the corn is not cut yet, so finding a good spot is as easy, as a few steps away.

I figure to do a test run, just to show her how easy a motor bike is to ride. Undo the stand, and blip the throttle a few times... then release the clutch in 1st gear. No problem... she had just popped out of the corner of the corn field in font of me.  So unexpectedly, and somewhat lost.

The motor bike's engine was her way to find her bearings.

Just as I took off... well, the bike did, as I hit the throttle too hard, and launched the bloody thing like a torpedo, out across the road. Of all things, at the time... an old lady was just about to pass by.

Bike runs over petrol can, punting it over and sending it diagonally out at the corner of the road. The bike still under its momentum, veers onto the road, right in the old ladies path, which makes her panic, and floors it, missing the brake, all the while, trying to turn away. Hits the bike causing it to tumble back from which it came. Causing sparks as it slides across the gravel. In turn ignites the spilt fuel and creates a very nice bonfire. While the old lady is off to meet up with the farmer's tractor... head on, out in his corn field. She made a very nice path for the medics to follow, in finding her and her fate. 

I am told.. remember to bring two helmets, next time... Riding motor bikes is a bit dangerous out here.


© Copyright 2020 Sluggy. All rights reserved.

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