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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Literary Fiction  |  House: Booksie Classic
I've just started writing again after quite a long break. Thinking about starting another novel but I'm not sure yet. I've written the first chapter and have plenty of ideas but I'm interested in what people think about it. If you like it, please comment. If not, comment and tell me why. If it gets good enough reviews I'll write more and hopefully post it for you to read. :]

Submitted: January 08, 2012

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Submitted: January 08, 2012

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Secrets. Everybody has secrets. Little things that they hide from the rest of the world. Tiny secrets that they hardly ever think about. Small secrets that they push to the back of their mind. And big secrets that weigh them down with the burden of hiding it. Everybody has secrets. I do. I used to live for my secrets. Now, they just tear me apart. 
I was never a popular girl. Even back in kindergarten kids used to shun me. They weren’t mean or nasty to me the way they were to some of the others. They just left me alone. Didn’t play with me, or ask me to sit with them at snack. Wouldn’t talk to me at all. Back then it was the worst. I went home crying everyday, clinging to my mothers leg, begging her to let me stay home instead. But she sent me back day after day. And eventually I got used to it. Being invisible, it suited me. So I stayed invisible. Until he saw me. 
I was smarter than most girls my age. The trivial things that they did never seemed to interest me they way that books and education did. I didn’t hang out around the mall, or go to sleepovers or parties. Instead I went to the library. That was where he saw me, truly saw me. And the look he threw me took me breath away.
 
It was as if the world had darkened somehow. Overnight all of the colors of life had washed away and been replaced with white and black and grey. It looked so bleak. I dressed to match. Black tights. Black skirt. Grey shirt. I didn’t know if I looked beautiful but it didn’t matter anyway. It was just another day, no special than the last or better than the next. I’d already washed my tears down the drain. It was over and that’s all there was to it. I had to go to school. I had to be normal. Nobody could know. 
The halls were loud and crowded but to me it might as well have been empty. I was utterly alone here. I wasn’t ugly or gorgeous. I was neither brilliant nor dumb. I was average. But average didn’t cut it for them. It was enough for him and only him but now he was gone and he wouldn’t come back. I knew that and it was terribly depressing but I couldn’t let anyone find out. And that feeling was even worse.
“We have a sub in English today. Mr. Peters went to that guys funeral.”
“Oh, yeah, I heard about that. How tragic.” 
“What happened? Who died?” 
The girls at the table behind me loved to gossip. In high school hierarchy they were among the elite. Each as beautiful as a model on the runway, with flowing hair and flawless makeup. Yet their beauty far eclipsed their brains. Dumb as doornails if truth be told. But listening to their babbling had always been a secret pleasure of mine.
“You didn’t hear about the accident? It’s been all over the news!”
“I was on vacation! Just tell me.”
“Well a few days ago, this guy was driving his motorcycle along the beach. They say he was going to fast and lost control. People could hear him screaming from the water.”
“Becky has a cousin whose boyfriend was there. Becky said that he ran up to see if he could help and the guys skin had basically been completely torn off. Him and the bike were on fire. Becky told me that her cousins boyfriend won’t stop crying because it was so sad. The guy kept screaming in pain and trying to get up. And just before he died, he looked at him and said, ‘Tell her I love her.’ Totally heartbreaking.”
“Who is ‘her‘? Did they tell her?”
“Nobody knows who he was talking about. My mom said Mr. Peters knew him for a long time and he never mentioned a girl. No wife or daughter or girlfriend. Mothers dead and no sisters. My mom said he was probably just delusional.” 
I wanted to tune them out. I wanted to turn around and hit them. I wanted to run away. I wanted to curl up into a ball and cry for hours. Instead I sat there and listened to them talk about Chad from the football team hooking up with Heather who was dating Johnny. 
 


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