love for life

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: True Confessions  |  House: Booksie Classic
how i loved my life as a kid..and then how i started feeling that its ok to die..n then how i felt i can die if it dint hurt anyone..

Submitted: November 26, 2011

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Submitted: November 26, 2011



I remember the age when I wondered why we should ever die. The world and the people I loved were so dear to me. I myself was something I never wanted to lose.I loved myself so much. The world was such an amazing place. I felt that even if I lived for a hundred years, it wouldn't be enough. I wondered how old people could say thaey wanted to die and that they are all prepared and waiting for that.

Later,I realized that death should be accepted, that you cant say no to it. I dint want to die ever. But I never told anybody about it. that it gave me a fright to think of death, to lose everything, to leave everything behind. But  everyone knew.

In my later teen years, I thought death was fine if it dint pain,because there are moments when  you feel that life isn't very wonderful. I couldn't accept death anytime. It should happen on a day when I dont find any interest in living the very next day of my life, like I've felt on some days. When I felt very lonely and hurt, when I felt that I could lose the people whom I loved the most in my life, I felt  I should die that very night in my sleep. Next day, it'll all be just a mystery to my loved ones. Still, I always felt that suicide is a big mistake. I felt there is nothing in this world bad enough for people to kill themselves. I was angry on these 'stupids'. Whatever happened in life,  suicide is not a solution.  You could talk to someone- your dear ones, a friend or just a stranger. We should find pleasure in other things of life. Life is not just the matter of the thing or incident which hurt you. You could always come back to a healhy, happy life.  You just need to keep smiling. Happiness will come to you. Make others happy. Even a smile will matter a lot to another person, you never know. Slowly, you will come back to your normal self. The colours will come back, the music, the spirit and then you are completely back on track.

But now, I dont feel death is a bad thing altogether. It could be a blessing to a lot of people who are suffering and are done with their lives. But dont make it a typical suicide. If you suicide, somebody you love very much may be tagged responsible for it. You would never want that to happen. Even if your death is purely out of your interest and because of no particular reason other than the boredom and guilt of living a worthless, useless, meaningless life or rather existence, everyone who loves you will feel responsible for your death.  They'll feel that they could have stopped you somehow. I dont know about people who have gone to the stage where they dont care what happens to their dear ones after their death. I dont know.. But ,for people who find only their existence in this world a problem to be ended, and who cares for their dear ones, would not want anybody to be responsible for their death. They would not want anyone to worry about them and the problems you have. For them, death should be ourselves vanishing from the earth and also from their loved one's minds, from the minds of everyone who would care. Pain of death won't be a problem. Pain is not an issue and what you are achieving through it is the only and very important mater which eternal.

But, suicide is not a solution.


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