Emotional Trials and Tribulations caused by a French Man

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Romance  |  House: Booksie Classic
My relationship the story.

Submitted: January 06, 2014

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Submitted: January 06, 2014

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It is almost two years since my emotional rollercoaster started. It all began in the summer of 2012 when I made the decision to end a long-term relationship of four years, the break-up didn't affect me, I didn't cry or feel sadness, All I felt was relief. It was a dead relationship of which I was used and manipulated and it was time to move on. With little coaching from my best friend, He pushed me to try out all the common dating websites for fun, I was a bit hesitant as all the stories I have heard from them are awful. Through much thought I threw caution to the wind and delved into Badoo. This site seemed quite simplistic so I navigated around it quickly, Finding numerous age groups of 'men seeking females’ I quickly seen the desperation of sex craved males, their predictable texts bored me so I never replied. Through one day of trolling I notice a French male whom I seemed drawn to. I received a message of ‘HI’

The Relationship developed through Badoo quickly and next thing I knew we were exchanging numbers, I felt at ease with him and his mentality and ambition matched my way of life completely. After months of courting and after numerous dinner dates, I decided it was time to introduce him to my friends. Most of his friends here were work colleagues so we decided mine would be first. He received the warmest of welcomes from my best friend who knows all my deepest darkest secrets. He then met one of my other close friends who happened to be my room-mate at the time, with a little cooler of receptions as she did not value the attitudes of French people and their arrogance. All was going smoothly for months as a new romance does when blossoming.

The pathway for our romance started to take a twisted turn down a bad path. I met his work friends who were working in an English-speaking company but French related, I found the initial first reception to be cold and ignorant. They proceeded to talk in French in front of myself and a friend that accompanied me to a night out with them. That night began the cracks in our relationship, although we didn't know it at the time all was not well.

We proceeded to argue over the reception I received from his group towards that of mine and the answer was always the same as they were not his 'real' friends and his best friends were not the same, at this stage we had being together eight months which felt longer at the time and I still did not know much about his friends or who they were or where they lived. At the same time His friends in France a couple were having a baby, which when born they named his second after my Frenchie, I thought it cute and respectful but I was mistaken for there were stranger things at play with this couple.

When this couple had their baby boy, I discovered pictures of the dad naked to my Frenchies phone sometime after, When I mean I discovered It, I seen the images when he was texting his friend beside me. I asked him what they were and he told me that his friend was messing sending him naked pics of himself. At the time I found this quite odd and did not see a funny side and when I shared my view he said relax it is only a joke and brushed it off. I let this topic go between myself and the Frenchie but in doing so I opened myself up to a world of hurt and insecurity, As prior to meeting the Frenchie I was not a jealous or insecure person, I was just a hot-tempered red-head also with the star sign Taurus, I stood no chance with my emotions.

The same topic rose its ugly head a number of weeks later on a night out, We had entered a bar for a drink before meeting up with my friends and upon receiving my drink, my Frenchie begins to tell me how the friend who sent the images was 'sex texting' him and that he always did it, claiming still that it was a joke. I was outraged and infuriated and of course alcohol does not go down well in these situations. I demanded that he was cheating on me with this guy, and that I was humiliated and betrayed and stated I was not an experiment for his sexuality.

That night ended on a bad note, his explanation was petty and undeserving to my ears, and it was almost as if he took me for a fool. However the sad reality was I forgave him and told him to break contact with that guy and so he did. The issue stayed hidden however it only added fuel to my fire of insecurities, simple facts of him never telling me who his friends were or news from back home in France made me feel awful that he was ashamed of me. He also began to critic my appearance, anything from my hair to my make-up was poked. In my mine this was insane and why was I letting him do it??My friends had seen me upset too many times now to not give me kind advice. All with the same heavy words of 'without thrust there can be no relationship'

The truth hurts and it did in a big way, through his own insecurities I think he feared I would do something similar and always doubted where I was and who I was with. When it was always him who gave cause for the infidelity was never invited to parties with him or on nights out with his work friends, which was later imposed that it was due to the reception I first got from them.

As time progressed it got to New Year’s Eve and we had passed the previous troubles. We went out with some of my friends, Great night of drinking and laughter, but when we arrived back to my home for a house party the storm brewed even greater, a friend of my room-mate was there also with whom trouble always follows. We were all wasted however still knew what was happening, The friend of my room-mate had gone upstairs due to being too drunk so from the bathroom to my roommates room. Everyone was downstairs at time bar my Frenchie. I decided to go upstairs and get him and in doing so, go upstairs to find him coming out of the bedroom to which I enter and the friend of my roommate in her bra and undies. I was instantly shocked and outraged, feelings of betrayal again flooded back. Like how could he do this to me??? I confronted him and he said he walked in on her like that but I could not comprehend why he was with her as he didn't like her and had argued previously that night. With alcohol full to the brim in me my temper really flared, again because I loved him and I brushed it away was the type of person who contained her emotions until they exploded out of me.

This always seemed to be the way with me and the Frenchie. I think all our unlined issues contained with my insecurities and his secrecy was a deadly mix of disaster. After all the festivities were over and we all got back to normal we decided to move in together. In doing so we also decided to stop drinking as with a drunken mind you never think clearly. This may have being madness when considering our past but we progressed along. My family loved him which was rare as my previous boyfriend never really hit it off as my Frenchie did. Even though we fought I still had all the good bits of us together and how he made me laugh and how he supported me on hospital trips and was there for me when I had to entertain family drama.

Through looking back on the nice events of our time together there was always a little row to ruin it. He always had high expectations from me and wants and I stupidly gave them without question but on his end something does seem to be missing. I feel sometimes I am back in my past relationship sometimes, manipulation and expectations is one of many things effecting me. He always tells me that he never feels like he does anything right but when you look back on our relationship so it not be answer properly was not the one in a room with someone I said I did not like and that person was half naked and I was not the one sexting with another was not secretive I was unfortunately and open book. You just never looked at us as a proper couple until things started going wrong. Would you react like me if the shoe was on the other foot??One can only imagine.

However by some miracle nearly two years after all of bullshit and drama here we are still living together. Through our rocky road we decided to get couples counselling because there were more issues not mentioned that kept getting in the way. The counselling really opened my mine to my anger and how we speak to each other and how I was as a person. I realized so much about my emotion and my ways that when heard out loud most of our troubles stemmed from him. I was not perfect in the relationship either but what I mean by this is my emotions would get the better of me.

I am three years older than him and I think this serves me well as in most situations that he never experienced before, I have and therefor know how to approach things better. I began writing this as a way to put onto paper the events of my relationship and try have them in a clear prospective. As said previously we have catapulted in a totally different direction now, We are always talking and never fighting that much however even though I am beginning to trust him it’s still very sore what has once past, From a previous discussion I do not think he does understand the hurt caused and still thinks it was little more than a flirtatious experience. Looking at my relationship now and previously I can see that my fault has always being my temper and my reaction wither due to alcohol or simply not speaking my mind at the time it still doesn’t seem to sum up the hurt and incidence my Frenchie gave me over the two years.

I guess the question was ‘why are we together after all that hurt and pain how can one go on’? I do not honestly know how to answer the question, I can only say that I love him dearly and would hope in the year we have being living together he would begin to understand how to respect me more and begin to work on his issues. Although mine is undergoing further progression my thoughts are that his are slow moving, I would have to point out certain issues and behaviours before anything would change, sometimes I do feel like I say the same thing over and over again, But I am not afraid anymore to say how I feel.

Life is short lived and if I could do over I would change so many things, however this would not be one of them as it has made me a stronger person with someone I love. It has as a relationship a long way to go but I feel it will get there. Patience is all that I can give and time will be a great healer.

One simply has to realize that if wrong or if you wronged another it cannot just go away. When reading this I do hope it is seen where my insecurities came from and that if I had done the above I think the tale would be a lot different than now. I just feel sometimes that because my love is so great for this one person and he knows it, does he use that against me knowing I will forgive and forget basically, Again only time will tell. I do only hope that my Frenchie will understand the love and admiration I have for him and him only. He without knowing it has made me the best version of myself and for that I am thankful. The French has become my best friend and I am hoping that he will understand what that means.

 

 

 


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