Sympathetic Erections

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Humor  |  House: Booksie Classic
About everything and nothing at the same time, this particular piece of randomness was written one lonely night in a motel room, gin at my side, during this summer's tree planting season.

Submitted: September 14, 2012

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Submitted: September 14, 2012

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Sometimes I feel . . . not only sometimes, all the time. Usually it’s more then I can handle, or more then I think I can handle at once. This doesn’t really matter though because after I rearrange the lattice of the monkey diner I can usually deduce the clitoris’ location on the star chart.

Sometimes I wish I were a psychopath . . .at least then I would have an excuse…

Not only have I defecated on a close living relative, I sliced bread with a dull cow penis. Only once the tan has been auctioned can the silver puppies be peeled and dried according to the reasoning of the banana queen.

An acquaintance of mine once told me that a single piece of barbequed aquarium can help a cored pineapple perform brain surgery. Not only is this beneficial to the majority of apple juice poachers, it aids farmers in resurrecting disco. One drawback on double penetration is that the former will always reside in the latter no matter how hard the resident spider monkey bones the porcupine. Unshaven men will soon mass into an army of beef clump dodging air testers. . . swell sentence. If vomiting is induced on a pimp before proper closet testing measures have been performed then there may reside within the armada of recently hatched assholes a bone that glows with an evicted light of sensual banana feels. Important sugar addictions can be surpassed by the expansion of recently penetrated cellophane. This leads to an unsurpassable urge for the remaining ogre population to develop sympathetic erections in regards to the remaining surface area of a puking sphere. Input from the outraged representatives from the kingdom of bald ass slippers will lead to a reform in which tight young coconut slices will add a new word to their collective vocabulary of . . .penis. . .

A wise man once farted. . . it was dank.

Atrocities ranging from the sublime to the carnal can be perpetrated by the most ignorant of belly buttons. Once the thought has been elevated, a potato could theoretically rearrange the alphabet so that bass has a whole new world to explore with Richard the lion heart. Abraham Lincoln once pierced me with a single penetrating glare. I was immediately taken aback and proceed to purchase a hooker named Ferrari. I kept her in my garage until she started to leak into the space between my cologne and purple bunny suits. I used her skin to start a company specializing in the manufacture of , among other products; impertinent contraception, gaping axe wounds, therapeutic sustained machine gun fire, and suppositories.

I love my dogs.

-- Colby Bedford


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