Desperado (first copy)

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Poetry  |  House: Booksie Classic
The easiest way to sum this is to say I was pissed off...a bit slightted but mostly plain frustrated. Here it is.

Submitted: February 17, 2008

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Submitted: February 17, 2008

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Desperado
For once, I’m admitting that I may have always been in the wrong…
When it comes to why I’m in solitary, stationary, sedentary, still
For once, I’m admitting that I may have always been in the wrong…
When the inexplicable becomes the desirable, the predator becomes the kill.
For once, I’m admitting that I may have always been in the wrong…
When trying to compensate for the infancy of your thought process.
For once, I’m admitting that I may have always been in the wrong…
When trying to crush secure provisions and turn myself into a mess.
For once, I’m admitting that I may have always been in the wrong…
When trying to justify my fall from a throne, there’s no excuse for that.
For once, I’m admitting that I may have always been in the wrong…
When it came to a choice between sanity and disillusionment.
This entire situation harnessed me into a mold.
Of whom I am not, a mere shadow of who I was.
What I stood for was gone, completely thrown out the window.
Why did it become so broken and mystified?
Why did I become so broken; all has been clarified.
A fool for the court, my faults were on display.
This is the story of my lamentations; this is the sound. Hear the band play.
They will blare the horns for you and lower the bell for me.
They will play such chords of grandeur for your entrance and complete silence for me.
For I am a mere jester; your actions and my reactions have resulted in a change of place.
Blinded myself with a wall of tears for something that is not even worth an acknowledgement in my mind’s space.
Crying the tears of realization that the fall was only a sign of desperation.
Falling into a mold of unhappiness because I’ve been feigning what I feel for so long.
But acceptance has made me realize that the best place for me is gone.
Gone away from the games of little kids; an emotional hide and go seek.
Because your female figure wasn’t the prime; your respect for women is weak.
Weakened to a state of ill refutability. Clinging to the images of lost and mindless whores.
Creating in my mind a clear picture disguised by a holographic image that made me want to scrape the sores.
Be the scapegoat for your troubles; unstitch the embroidery of your pain.
Forgetting myself in a world of chaos; slowing morphing myself into the goddess of insane.
Cause the blood pour to drain into an abyss of pure confusion. Pool around an image that once meant something to me.
For I was running in my own virtual illusion and I wasn’t trying to save me.
Ignorance is bliss and I was happy being deceived.
Into believing that I should cling to hope when there never was a future for you and me.
Feeling so insecure and taking out the time to critique the layers that unfold to confine me.
I am everything that everyone says I am…..quite possibly much more.
Where I’ll end up isn’t’ meant for you to know, not sure if I want you as a friend anymore.
Professed that you were one of my closest only to be unsurprisingly disappointed.
For once a glow is prevalent. For once there is a slight definer to the term anointed.
It took so long, but now before you stands a queen whose throne has been regained.
By the words of others around and I dare not reveal the names.
But I will share what I learned, for that is how one grows.
I accepted how I felt towards you when it was apparent that you were far below…
The standard I set for myself, I was reared to be one of the best.
To uplift and teach the others that there’s no reason why you should ever settle for less.
Purging negativity requires clairvoyance beyond the realm of negative constants. Let it sink in and you’ll understand where I’m coming from.
Or maybe you won’t because you’re still a lost boy whose life has a balance equal to the actions that result in cum…
So pack up your pre-judgments, false perceptions and ill karma. Throw them on the back of that busted camel and go.
For once I agree with you…our levels aren’t equal. Go find yourself because the last thing I need in my life is a wandering desperado.
 
Circa April 2005


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