Spiderwebs

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Poetry  |  House: Booksie Classic
A tale of a cycle...simply put.

Submitted: January 24, 2008

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Submitted: January 24, 2008

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I know, I knew
Same song, same story, change the face.
For this has been my existence for years past by years to come.
Darkness is my next of kin: A barren womb while I fight for the sun.
All I ever wanted was for someone to enable me to breathe.
Bu the same thing occurs. So I’m numb while I bleed.
The same drops that have always instilled fear within me
That my future will be hers, that my pain will always succeed.
I am destined to be the black widow.
For I have existed and died alone
The disparity I feel has never gone away
Even when I thought that you were the one…
To change all of that for me. And magnify the joy that I knew I deserve.
It all came crashing down. Into me and this is just how I serve….
I mourn the loss of the ability to care for someone else.
They’ve proven to me their love runs deep for no one but themselves.
I mourn the loss of the ability to be open and let someone in.
For I cannot trust anyone but myself. And when I thought something would be different.
I realized how stupid I am looking again.
I thought it was finally over and that for once, through all the nonsense, pain, tears, everything…..I was going to be okay.
But it wasn’t true. It wasn’t what I wanted to believe.
And now I’m back at the start, so sad to say.
Crash the atmosphere and fall to the flames.
This is the standoff
Burn the rain….will burn for the virus of a brandished sunshine that cannot remain, but refrain.
For I feign the happiness I deserve.
For I’m losing myself to a despair of a mind that may or may not care.
For what I feel, think, do or process within the depths of me.
So, I toss and I burn.  I fall and it turns into a mixed animosity
All aimed at myself. I, again, I am the one to blame.
Suicide is where I land; suicide will hold my shame.
Disappointed in myself for my standards are unattainably high.
So, here I am, it’s all cursed. Here I am this time.
If I were to fade would it be warranted?
Would the other side of my mind process my torment?
Clouds form around me and I beg for no change.
Same as before; Pain as before: Scarred as before.  Just change the name.
For in Faith I die, but I abide. For in Hope, I shelter, but I cried…
Many tears over sacrifices of the past life.
Holding onto a dream until it breaks.
Breathe in, blood out.
For I no longer crucify the girl, the lady, the woman……
The unwanted
Missing from the cradle
We breathe, we share.
You run, I care.
Imagination ruining the purity of a time past….
Ruined through a solution of turpentine.
Masochistic dreams allow the submission of suicidal lullabies.
As I die….and he’s okay.
As I cry….and he’s okay.
Switch, that’ll be the day.
For there was June, just in the mist….now shades of White.
How many?  Same game.
How many? Same fight.
For I die…and he’s okay.
For I cry…..ad he’s okay.
But plight will no longer remain.
Eventually, I will abide.
Eventually, distance will seep through my rain.
TANGLED AGAIN I STAND, TANGLED AGAIN I FALL…….
ENTRAPMENT, WIDOWED ME……
BOUND AND……..
YOU JUST CAN’T SEE.
 


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