When I went from a shadow to a person

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Romance  |  House: Booksie Classic
It is about a girl who cannot confronnt the guy she likes, has nervous breakdowns & is know as the "Shadow" sitting next to him! You will have to read it all to find out what happens though!!

Submitted: December 09, 2007

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Submitted: December 09, 2007

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As I was in class, he sits next to me. Sweating palms & wanting to speak, but the words won't come, I try to smile, but it just makes my stomache lurch, 'causing me to go to the nurses office. I stay there until the end of first period, then, knees shaking, heart pumping, my mind in a love-struck frenzy, I go to lunch, meeting up with my best friend, Lucy. She always knows what to say to make me feel better, like, if I am feeling heart-broken, even if I do not tell anybody, including her, she will still come up to me, for no aparent reason, & give me a big hug & say, "It'll be okay Casey, You know that we'll get through this together, If You want to talk, you can call me after school, okay?" Then I will not be able to resist & smile back at her, Feeling better & more "Loved" inside. I don't really know why I have nervous breakdowns whenever I am around him, but I do, Just like that, I see him, try to talk to smile, even just waving, & I automatically feel sick to my stomache. He is the strangest thing, that boy, I have never seen him once & not wanted to talk, wave, or just smile at him, It is truly something special & rare, Sickening but healing, awful & rewarding. I want him so much, But I don't know what to say, I don't know how to act, he is bitterly perfect, knowing just what to do in order to make me melt, Ah, If only I could really be "Melting" in his arms, not in my dreams, or in my head. I have never felt his hair, rubbed his cheek, held him close to comfort me. Only in my dreams have I ever done these things. I shall never know if we are meant to be together or if it is just a stupid "Love" fantasy of mine. Sometimes, on very rare occasions, he will smile & say "Hi," Or even walk up to me & try to make conversation, but I know, In my heart, That I have missed my chance to ever be noticed by him again, unless puking in front of my whole class counts. The other day I walked up to him & said "Hi," he didn't even barely give me a glance, but still, something in his heart tugged at him, & so he said "Hi." Back to me. It makes me very sad to think that I spoiled it, my love, my chance that I ever had with him. Lucy says to just keep on beleaving, & that if that beleaving becomes strong enough, that I will no longer be so nervous & sick around him. I try to understand where she is coming from, But it doesn't help, just makes it worse, then tears will start to well up in my eyes, She will realize & attempt to apologize for making me cry, but I just say "Its okay Lucy, It is not Your fault, but mine. I blew it, everything that I could have had with him, I am officially invisible now, with no boyfriend, no life & the only one in the world who would ever want to hang out with me is you, Not that I don't like being with you, but I really would love it if he would just erase my past & then we would be able to have a fresh, clean start to life, & I could show him that I am not just a nobody in the classroom, that, that shadow sitting next to him is actually a person." then Lucy will denie it all & tell me "Keep your chin held High Case, If some stupid guy doesn't want to hang out with you, then he must need to be put into a phsyco-ward, with therapy & everything!" we will laugh & then walk home. "What in the world do I need to do in order to get over my awful nerves?" I ask Lucy & Katrina,(She is also, one of my "Feel better buddys" but I love them both anyway!) "All you need to do is talk," Suggest' Katrina, "Yeah, Just relax & try to make conversation, Its pretty easy, just like you are doing right now!" Lucy adds. "WHAT?" I yell, "How am I supposed to "Make conversation?" I can barely look at him & not puke, let alone TALK to him!?!" "Yeah, I guess you are right, we better take small steps, like, try REALLY hard to just smile at him, then, If you want to take it up a step, look him straight in the eye, It always works, guys get the impression that you are interested but won't jump at the first signe of physical contact!" Katrina says. "Yeah, & Slowly, as you get more & more comfortable with that, then try to start saying high & making small talk!" "Perfect plan!, thanks!" I say, "I will try that first thing tomorow!" well, tomorow came, today!so guess what I did? no, I didn't puke all over him or have to go to the nurses office, Instead, I said hi & smiled, he looked shocked, but still, he smiled & then, guess what?!? he walked up to me, ME! then he started talking to me & asking me if I wanted to hang out!! I said yes & gave him my phone number & e-mail. He said thanks & walked away!! I ran over to Lucy's house where her & Katrina were hanging out in her bedroom! "I did it! He asked me out!" I shouted with joy! "WOW!" they screamed in unicine!! Well, Last night was the "Date" It was great, we went to he movies, Then he took me out & we shared a milk-shake!! Wow! I guess that "The gaze" Really does work, I mean, all that I had to do was say "Hi" & I was in! then, at the end of the night, He kissed me goodnight & Said that he wanted to do it again sometime! WOW! I Guess that my world really did turn around! I went from feeling miserable & lonely to Happy & joyfull!! This is the end of my story, but, of coarse, it won't really end here, there will be many more tales to come, so visit me again & I will fill you in on the latest "Thing" with me & my new "Boyfriend" I know, boyfriend, that is what I said!! we have now been together three months & am going on four!! I look at him now & can say; I have felt his hair, & rubbed his cheek, all of those other things that I thought that I would never had, I love him, & he loves me, nothing can change that, I am no longer the "Shadow" sitting next to him, I am now his best friend, his lover, & His long-time companion.


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