If i had...

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Romance  |  House: Booksie Classic
Samantha is a girl who tries to be okay but ends up trying to commit suicide... With the help of her best friend Dylan she gets through it all alive..

Submitted: July 13, 2012

A A A | A A A

Submitted: July 13, 2012



If i had...

Chapter 1

I was about to have my last heart beat when i heard.

"Samantha! Sam!"

I heard it loud and clear and i was suddenly pulled out of the water. I choked on the water as i tried to regain my vision.

"why would u do that?"

I hear someone ask in the ringing in my ears.

"speak to me!"

the voice says, and i know who it is. It was my best friend, Dylan. He was there through it all, through the pain and mistakes i made. My teeth chatter and suddenly i was in his arms.

"you're going to be okay..."

i hear him mutter over and over. Suddenly i'm in a house, probably his. Somebody was taking my bathing suit off.

"w-what are y-you doing?"

i manage to sputter out.

"don't worry it's just me.."

i hear Dylan's sister, Ally say. I just nod. She puts some clothes on me, i'm not sure whose. Suddenly her hands were replaced by Dylan's and i'm put on the couch with warm arms around me. I was still shaking. He sings softly to me and i close my eyes, falling to sleep and feeling safe. That was the only night in a long time that i'd dreamt.

Chapter 2

I woke from my dream still in Dylan's arms. He smiled lazily, as if he'd fallen asleep too.

" Good morning sleeping beauty."

he says with a smile. I blush and realize i can actually feel my hands. I reach up to touch his cheek.

"you're warm..." i say quietly.He grins.

"i'm only warm because you're cold."

he said and suddenly it's like he remembered something. He changes the topic completely.

"why in the world would you try to kill yourself?"

he says turning away from me with a sullen look. I sight.

"you know why..i did it again..he hurt me simply because i let him.."

i say pulling up my sleeve to reveal a blue bruise that was almost black. He can barely look at it. He sighs.

"y-you didn't let him..he did it..not you.."

Dylan had been in denial ever since i showed him the first bruise. It was from my boyfriend, Tommy. Tommy was short tempered and if i did something wrong, he'd hit me. He tried to make me do.. Do things i didn't want to do.. To put it that way. One time i listened. I was an idiot. I look up at Dylan.

"It was my fault.."

, i say almost a whisper. Wasn't it? Dylan looks down at me, wide eyed. He shakes me a bit.

"Sam! Wake up! Don't you understand that you're not the one that's hurting yourself? Well besides today, but that's not the point... It's not your fault. They weren't your decisions sam, he HURT you! Why are you with him anyway?" he asked letting go of my arms to look away.

"because... Because." i stutter. He looks down at me.

"We have to fix this... You can't let you try to kill yourself again." He says, a single tear falling on my skin.

"I know... I'm sorry. I-I'll fix it..." I say hoping i would get the nerve to stand up for myself.

Chapter 3.

Dylan sighs. "Lets not talk about that now." he says quietly, shaking his head ad finally releasing his hold of me.

I nod and get up slowly.

" I'll be back.." I mutter and go to the bathroom.

My lips were blue and i was still shaking. I pull up my sleeves to look at the bruises. Suddenly i realized Dylan had followed me. He has a sad smile on his face. He sighs quietly.

"You're still cold aren't you?" he asks.

I nod slowly. He opens his arms and i automatically walk into them. He hugs me tight against him, he strokes my hair gently.

"I-" he cuts himself off. I pull away and look at him.

"what is it, Dylan?" i ask.

He just shook his head and starts to walk away.

"Dyl-" he cuts me off, turning around and kissing me. I pull back reluctantly.

"Dylan i...i still have a boyfriend.." i say quietly. He sighs.

"I'm sorry i just.." Is all he can say for now. Be starts again, "Sam why don't you love me? I was there through it all and all HE ever does is hurt you.." he says and i can't stand to hear it.

"I'm sorry Dylan... I do love you... Just... As a friend." i say barely audible.

He turns back around. He pulls me closer and holds me again.

"I'm sorry...I really am Sam...I-I'm sorry... It's not your fault" he says, like i'm a delicate doll. I sight.

"it is though.. And it's not your fault... I'm like a tornado, i hurt and affect everyone." i say honestly.

That's all i ever did.

"that's not true," he murmurs and pulls away. ", why don't we get something in your system?" he says putting his arm around me leading me to the kitchen.

He lets me go and goes to the stove and starts making something, i'm not sure what. When he gets a moment, he takes me hand and brings me to the living room and covers me with layers of blankets. He sighs and without another word, he goes back to the kitchen. That was when i realized something. I really did love Dylan. I needed him. But what was i going to do about it?

Chapter 4.

I sat there feeling empty, afraid, and alone, even though i knew Dylan was right there in the kitchen. Dylan comes in a few minutes later with a tray of chicken noodle soup and tea. He sets in down in front of me. I just stared at it. I wasn't really hungry. Dylan, apparently, already knows what i'm thinking. He sighs.

" when you start eating it, you'll realize how hungry you really are.." he says simply.

I take a bite and of course Dylan was right, i was starving. I finish the soup within minutes and Dylan sighs of relief. I look at him.

"why are you doing this? Why do you do things like that when you don't have to?" i ask.

He says nothing. I got the hint though. I sip the tea and sit back on the couch.

"thanks.." i say quietly, knowing that i should've said that first. He nods.

" no seriously.. You saved me from my own stupidity, given me clothes and now food.. What can i do to repay you?" i say looking directly i him now. He looks away.

"just don't do that again.." is all he says.

I nod and avert my eyes back on the Tv. I finish the tea and get up to go put it in the sink myself. Dylan pulls me back down.

"wait.." he says and acts as if he could hear something.

"he's here and he's looking for you.." he says quietly.

Dylan could just sense things most of the time. I nod.

"don't worry about it Dylan I got it." i say not even believing myself. He bites him lips.

"I'll be right here if you need me.." he says.

I nod and open the door before Tommy had the chance to nock.

"you're here.." he says and pulls me closer and hugs me. I sigh and pull away from him.

"i am here... And this is where i'm staying, we're over, so get on your merry way back to hell.." i say.

I was just about to close the door in his face when i hear a crack and everything goes black. The last thing i saw was a glimpse of Dylan's figure already standing over me and Tommy looking down at me, like it was meant to be that way, and deep inside i knew it was. I was weak and nothing. Absolutely nothing.

Chapter 5.

I woke up staring at the white ceiling of the white room in a white bed. I was in a hospital, and i hated them. I looked around frantically and finally found the one person i wanted to see: Dylan. He smiles sadly at me.

"you're awake.." he says, he was already sitting by the bed holding my hand. I squeezed his hand a bit.

"yeah.." i get it out. Then suddenly i remember why i was here.

"where's Tommy?" i ask quietly.

"he's here.." is all Dylan says.

I look around in a panic. He sighs.

"not for you.. When he hit you.. I.. I lost it.. Until my sister finally pulled me off." he says looking away from me.

"he's in the hospital because of me.." he says still not looking at me.

"how bad is he?.." i ask. He sighs.

"not too bad, he only came because they thought i gave him a concussion.. But he was just high as a cloud" he says. I turn his head toward me.

"hey.. Don't worry about it.. You wouldn't have done that if you didn't need to, and you yourself know that.." i say. He finally looks me in the eyes.

"are you alright?" he asks.

"i'm fine.. Are you alright?" i ask. He smiles.

"you're definitely the same old Sammy, worrying about me when you're the one in the hospital.." he says with a chuckle. And he was just the same old Dylan, the Dylan that i loved.

Chapter 6.

Just as Dylan leaned in for a kiss, the doctor came in. Dylan sighs but smiles at the doctor who seemed to be bringing good news. The doctor smile.

"good you're awake.. I just came in to say that you are free to leave anytime now as long as you feel alright.. Okay sweetheart?" she says calmly. I nod slowly.

"good.. These beds aren't as comfortable as i'd thought they'd be.." i say with a laugh. The doctor smiles and walks out.

Dylan gazes in my eyes. I smile as he leans in and kisses me softly, his lips lingering on mine longer than they should've. He pulls away reluctantly.

"so do you say to getting out of here?" he asks with a grin. I smile. "that sounds wonderful.. Let me just get out of this horrible gown.." i say with a laugh. Dylan chuckles. He walks out of the room.

"unless you want me to stay..?" he jokes. I laugh.

"out!" i order. He winks and leaves. I literally changed in seconds, i hated those gowns. I open the door.

"ready.." i say. Then i look around and don't see him anywhere.

"Dylan?" i ask. I hear him laugh and suddenly he's carrying me out of the hospital. I giggle.

"what are you doing?" i ask with a smile. He looks down at me.

"what does it look like? I'm getting the hell out of here." he says with a laugh and finally puts me down.

"good.. I hate hospitals.." i say. He grins.

"believe me i know."

Chapter 7.

It's a month after the break up with Tommy and I'm happy with Dylan.

"good morning gorgeous!" I hear my favorite voice say with enthousiasm. It was my Dylan.

"Dylan!! Wait.. what brought this up?" I ask, with curiousity, a wide smile.

"well you know how I always wanted you to be happy with me..." he says trailing off.

"...well..." i continue.

"well what ifI had... two tickets for Hawaii." he says smiling.

"what? Dylan..I-I dont know what to say.." it was true I was speechless. As I try to find my words, Dylan leans in for a kiss, then stops abruptly with a gazed lookacross his face.

"what? Morning breath?" I panicked and ran for the bathroom. But as I was halfway there, an arm stopped me.

"No its not morning breath. It's Tommy, he's on his way and he wants payback.." he says halfheartedly.

"Dylan.. Hun we have to go... NOW!" I search for my clothes but I cant seem to find them anywhere. I turn around and say..

"Dyl.. Dylan?.." Dylan is nowhere in sight. Suddenly, my feet are no longer on the ground.

"The car is ready to go." he says laughing.

"Ohh Dylan you have no idea how much i love you..." I say laughing. Next thing I know. we're both laughing.

(chapter 8 is coming soon)

© Copyright 2020 Sophies. All rights reserved.

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