The delicate veil

Reads: 341  | Likes: 0  | Shelves: 0  | Comments: 4

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Poetry  |  House: Booksie Classic

Wasn't sure how to approach this piece. There is a second,lighter part which I wasn't sure whether to add or not because I thought it might detract from this piece. I will post the lighter part under 'A glowing wood' (for lack of a better title). Please let me know your thoughts.

Carrying the weight of the world,

She approaches the edge,

Peering into the desolate abyss before her,

She screams in agony,

She screams at the world,

Giving voice to her pain,

The world screams back for only a moment,

It is not enough, It is too late,

She has thrown herself into the darkness,

And has pierced that delicate veil.


Submitted: December 01, 2008

© Copyright 2022 Soriah. All rights reserved.

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Add Your Comments:

Comments

poewhit

Some just cross that line

Mon, December 1st, 2008 6:25pm

Author
Reply

Thank you for taking the time to read and comment my work xx

Mon, December 1st, 2008 10:35am

Gift Of Noni

Soriah,

So many think life and death are seperated by a giant chasm. Ie. "Peering into the desolate abyss before her"

I love your deeper undestanding that it is just a "delicate veil"

Very powerful words for those who can understand them.

regards,

Tim

Wed, December 10th, 2008 1:44am

Author
Reply

Thank you Tim, I'm very flattered!

Tue, March 17th, 2009 7:08am

Alice Oiseau

ohhh i love that line about the world screaming back, and of course your closing line is breathtaking! i would only suggest lengthening the poem a bit. it seemed too short and as the reader i was expecting something more building up to the awesome climax that you created, but i didn't get that build up. otherwise though i thought this was a fantastic poem! i heard an echo of a scream in my head as i saw her jump off the edge and plummet into the depths of darkness. love it!

Mon, December 29th, 2008 4:30pm

Author
Reply

Cool! Thank you, I'm glad you liked it so much, this was a first draft though. I have yet to go back to it, thank you for the suggestion of making it longer, I always like people telling me how I can improve my work!

Tue, March 17th, 2009 7:18am

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