For the World to See.

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Gay and Lesbian  |  House: Booksie Classic

Testing... is anyone out there?

Putting words on paper. This, my friends, is my outlet. It is the only thing that can calm my nerves on the busiest of days as well as spark any interest in the most dreary of days.

Why do I need an outlet? Ha, if you only knew.

Let’s start with my job. I work part time at a department store. To keep my identity safe I will not share which one but all you have to know is that it is boring and that I have bad managers. I debated saying the worst managers but I’m sure that’s an exaggeration. I have two male managers who feel they are so superior yet I have a higher education than one and the other is only a few years older than me. So, every day at work I am forced to hear the barking of orders and I take it. Why? Because I am just that kind of person. I am a nice person, and frankly, I can’t help it. I just feel like I have to be nice to everyone.

Second, let’s start with my school. It is a major university and again, I will not share which one. I love my school. It has the most gorgeous campus. The simple day of walking around a campus full of leaves and a coffee cup in my hand is the perfect of days. It just gives you that feeling of being home and the vibe is just irreplaceable. It beats high school by a long shot. I know what you’re thinking: Where’s the problem? Well, it’s not the school; it is the fact that I have no idea what I am doing here. I have no idea what I want to do or where I want to do it! My indecisiveness plays a huge role in this. Damn that trait of mine.

To top it all off, I am in love. If you were to talk to someone who knew me they would think you were absolutely insane because me being in love is just not possible. I was never the girl who had guys around. I have never had a boyfriend, I have never had a first kiss, and, well, you can guess the rest. Oh, and did I mention I am in college?? Yet, the impossible has occurred. The problem is, drumroll please, I am in love with a girl. Did I mention that I am a girl to? Well, I am! So I walk around with this pain all day because I am at a point in my life where I have to figure out what the feelings inside me mean. I have to figure out what my future will be and how I will be able to handle something like this. I like to think it will get easier, that I will be able to say it out loud one day. Oh, and as for the girl, there is no way I have a shot with her. I wish because I see her and I think to myself that no other person in the world could possibly love her as much or could take care of her as well as I could. That may be cliché but I feel that in my heart.

So, on this paper I write. And I just want the world to know what I am feeling; I am just not ready to let the world know who they are listening to.


Submitted: June 06, 2012

© Copyright 2021 soulwriting13. All rights reserved.

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Comments

Radial X

I can really relate to a lot of what you say in this piece. This is well-written and easy to read. Thanks for sharing!

Mon, July 2nd, 2012 9:34pm

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