A Poem of My Life

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Romance  |  House: Booksie Classic
This is something that I felt like I needed to type sooner or later to get it out. I'm not asking anyone to read it, but it's right here.

Submitted: September 26, 2009

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Submitted: September 26, 2009

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I'm weird

I'm really weird

Sometimes people say I'm crazy

Sometimes I wish I was

Crazy people have an excuse

They have an excuse for their weirdness

If you're crazy, that's it, that's all, it's that simple, people will dislike you, but you won't care

If you're weird, it's not that simple, it's too deep and complicated, and no one around you is patient enough to understand it, and you care about that, and that hurts you, it never stops hurting you

I have a house, I have food, I have family, but what I really want is love

I want to care about someone for who they are, and I want someone to care about me for who I am

My life is defined by that purpose, that's what I want

I like red hair, but I really don't care about appearances

I don't care if you're in a wheelchair or if your teeth or where your ass should be

It's still your appearance, and appearances are meaningless

And yet, at my highschool, that's the only thing that everyone cares about

Everyone, except me

Everyone at Highschool that Isee acts like a monster, all the guys and women act like savages, all eating eachother for their own personal survival, being canibals, like they've been trapped in a stone roomand a hard floor with nothing but dust, and they're all sucking on the dust in desperation to find some nutrients to survive off of

But not me. I don't care about myself. I don't want to be selfish. Iwant to help, Iwant to do good things. I've done so many things to help others, not just women, everyone, not because I care, sometimes I don't care, and it's not my fault for that having that trait, I just want to care, I want to smile to myself and call myself a good person and for once, believe it, believe that I did the best that I could.

I'm not a good person, but I'm trying to be

Not once have I ever seen someone my age do the same things. And yet, most guys have girlfriends. I don't.

I'm the only person that tries

Why? Why couldn't I have been like everyone else?

Someone had to be weird, someone had to care, someone had to suffer, Iunderstood that

But of all the hundreds of people in my Highschool, why did that one person have to be me?

Why do I have to be weird? Why can't I be normal? Then I'd have a girlfriend, then I could find love.

Because strangely enough, every guy that doesn't care has a girlfriend, I've seen it

Everytime I see a woman smile, giggle, talk to another guy so casually, so happily, giving guys so much, sitting at the same tables as guys, sitting across from guys, holding their hands, hugging them kissing them, everytime I see it, a big bunch of bullets go through me instantly

I try to close my eyes, to look away, to pretend it's not there, to run away until I can finally limp and stagger to my house to clutch my chest while the pain and sadness finally numbs and I can live off of shooting stormtroopers, racing a kart, meleeing a grunt, I can survive, be in stable condition,be a robot, and I'm actually expected to do well in school

So many times a day, I see women getting slapped in the ass and doing as little as saying "stop doing that!"

I would never do something like that. But if someone gets to do something so great and gets let off so easily, what's the point of not doing it?

I want to kiss a woman. Sometimes I want to just get up in class and kiss a woman. There would be nothing that could stop me, no prison cell that they think they have put me under, I could just do it, it would probably be more than I'm ever going to get in my life, for once, I could be alive

They couldn't do anything to me, I couldn't care if I got sentenced to jail for the rest of my life, it would still be worth it, beyond worth it

It's not that I'm afraid of punishment that stops me from doing this everyday

It's that I know that they don't want me to kiss them, none of them ever want me to kiss them, they want other guys to kiss them

And I realise that if I really, trully cared about them, that I would understand that, and that's what keeps me from kissing them

I'm weird


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