Unkown for now

Watching the sun rise on a calm october morning in the wake of a crisp autumn, I can only hope that I will get through today and many more days to come. The nights are no longer my safe haven, as I spend most of them awake and terrified of dreams that I cannot comprehend, or even explain.. I hear the alarm clock going off, but it makes no differnce I don't need it and have not needed it for almost a year..Seems like yesterday you were standing here next to me watching the sunrise with a smile that glowed just as brightly.
It is my very selfishness that leads me to my most vulnerable acts of not getting past your death as you would have wanted me too...I stand here weeping my days away in hopes that maybe my eyes have dried out so mush that I cannot cry anymore.
It is with some sense of renewment that I must move on, but how do I do that when I know you'll never walk through that door again and give a warm hello, a fresh flower, or even a smile that says your mine? I can only stare into the suns rays and still not get the answers I need. My heart is breaking all the time, even the clouds know it by the end of the day..why did fate take everything from me? Why do the stars tell the story I cannot read? Why am I still here when I have no purpse to go on with?
Still the skies offer me no reassurance as I continue on this path of dreariness..