Dear Sister

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Memoir  |  House: Booksie Classic
A letter to my sister who passed away.

Submitted: May 02, 2009

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Submitted: May 02, 2009

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Dear Sister,

The first call came in around eight pm on December 16th, 2007. I was expecting your voice on the other end of line. But instead the voice was scared and worried, " Alicia, Tanya is in the hospital. She had a massive heart attack. She is in open heart surgery right now."

My heart raced, " Is she going to be okay?"

Shaky the voice gave the only answer it could, the truth, " Honey, her chances of surviving are very small. I will call when we find some thing out. Love you."

" Love you too."

When I hung up the phone I cried. Tears soaked not only my face but Jodie's shirt sleeve where my head laid.  I felt so empty and helpless. I was damn near ten hours away in a different state and couldn't be there with you. We were so close in friendship but at this point I felt so far away. Like the connection was instantly gone.

The next call came in at three am on December 17th, 2007. I knew by the sound of her voice that the news wasn't good. In a way I was ready but part of me wasn't ready to hear it. Her voice was steady but I could hear the pain, " Tanya didn't make it."

I replied with the only thing I could think to say, " Okay, I'll call you later. Love you."

" Love you too."

My heart sank deeper than my feet when I repeated to Jodie what I was just told, " Tanya didn't make it."

I couldn't even cry. I felt so empty. Questions rushed through my head like a freight train, would you still be alive if I had been there, would this be easier if I had been there? My mind went back to our last phone conversation. But I couldn't seem to remember any of it. Did I tell you that I love you before hanging up, was it a good conversation?

I talked to you about everything when you were alive. You were my best friend. You helped me through so much. I couldn't even make it to your services to say my final good byes before you were laid to rest. It is like I lost a part of me when you died. Now, it has been almost two years and it is still hard for me to talk about you. I write you letters and keep them in a folder. I haven't gotten over your passing on.

When things get hard for me or I just need some one to talk to I still want to pick up the phone and dial your number. For about two months after you were gone I would call your number when I knew no one was home just to listen to your voice on the answering machine. That would put my mind at ease for a little bit.

But then your husband changed the answering machine message. The Monday after you passed away I received a box in the mail from you. One you had sent out the day you had your heart attack. When I opened it, I found a picture of you. I stared at the picture in my hand and cried with out a word. My heart was breaking all over again.

I am finding new ways still to talk to you about things that are going on in my life. But the one thing that I wanted more than anything was for you to be my maid of honor in my wedding. Even though that can't happen I know that you will be watching down on us the day we have our final ceremony.

I know you are in a better place now. Where pain and suffering isn't an issue and stress doesn't come around. Nothing can hurt you anymore. Just never forget that I love you. I will never forget you or the memories of the nights and days we talked for hours.

Love Always,

Your Little Sister


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