The Burrito Meets the New Guy

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Humor  |  House: Booksie Classic
Here is a departure - there is no narrative; purely dialogue. So, you may well ask, "Steve, why did you not put it into a script?" Read on and you will see why.....

Submitted: June 17, 2012

A A A | A A A

Submitted: June 17, 2012



The Burrito Meets The New Guy



“Hey! You’re the new guy, right?”

“Yeah…yeah I guess so. This place is kind of …weird.”

“Why, because it’s old?”

“Yeah, that’s it! That’s what I’m trying to say….it’s old!”

“Right. Well 75 years is not young. I’m sure Larry wouldn’t want to hear that, but it is true, wouldn’t you say?”


“Yeah, the host.”

“Oh..that’s his name. No one ever told me.”

“Yeah, it’s Larry.  So, I’m Henry. Friends call me Hank.”

“Hi Hank.”

“Hi. What’s your handle?”
“Jacob. Friend’s  call me Jake.”

“Well Jake, welcome aboard. You’re gonna meet a ton of great folks here. It’s actually pretty good despite what you may think. Most of the residents are really nice and fun.”

“That’s good to know. Where I was before wasn’t exactly a ‘perfect working environment’ if you can dig that.”

“I dig it. For sure. So..the surgery went well?”

“Yeah, as good as can be expected.”

“Well, you seem to be adjusting well. Let me introduce you to Jorge. He’s typically very busy, but right now he appears to be vacant. Let me get him. JORGE! You around brother?”


“Jorge, meet Jake, our latest addition.”

“WOW! We haven’t had a new addition in a long time. Best wishes, compadre.”

“Thanks, man.”

“How was it at your old hacienda?”

“Oh pretty brutal. Guy did nothing but eat junk food, snort coke and drink. Really, really bad.”

“I guess that’s why you’re here now.”

“Reckon so.”

“Well, welcome to it, jefe. I think you will find the accommodations most comforting despite its age. I make sure he doesn’t have too much sugar.”

“Hey! Jake, it’s me, Hank.”


“Have you met your partner? Her name is Esmeralda.”

“Hi, Esmeralda.”

“Hi Jake, nice to meet you. You seem really sweet.”

“I’ve dealt with my share of sugar, you could say.”

(general laughter)


“What…what’s up Hank?”

“Well… you being the new guy… I dunno if you’re prepared for this, but the old man’s having a burrito!”

“A WHAT???”

“Yeah! With extra spicy sauce. Y’know, a guy his age should not be doing that kind of stuff, seriously. It makes us work overtime. You’re going to have to meet other people in the union. People like Hans, Katyana, Sidney and Jules. You’ll get to know them eventually.”

“Right…but what do I do now about the burrito?”

“Okay Jake, brace yourself. Esmeralda! Jorge! Be prepared to turn into hyper-metabolic mode!”

(rumbling ensues)

“Man, I never thought being a kidney would be this difficult!”

“Jake, you know jack shit. Imagine being the guy's colon!”

“I hear ya, Hank.”

“Okay amigos, let’s all great ready for the grande fiesta!”

“Good luck, Jake, Jorge. Jake, I would give you a good luck kiss but you are two ureters away.”

“Thanks, Esmerelda.”

“Hey Jakey, it’s Hank. Wait until you meet Horst. He runs the old man’s private parts. He’s normally a lot of fun, but right now he’s sleeping, so don’t wake him. Okay folks…batten down the hatches…Spicy stuff comin’ through!”




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