MOCKUMENTARY

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Humor  |  House: Booksie Classic
Comedy Sketch/Skit satirically sniping at the low quality, 'dumbed-down' sensationalist style of many modern documentaries.

Submitted: February 06, 2010

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Submitted: February 06, 2010

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"MOCKUMENTARY"
 
By
 
Steve Basnett
 
 
EXT. ANCIENT CITY -- DAY
 
Zooming in through clouds, a long arcing sweep draws in on a detailed, computer-generated representation of an ancient city. Similar sweeps and rotations from above continue from different angles.
 
NARRATOR (CONDESCENDING, SPEAKING WITH OVER-DRAMATIC EFFECT THROUGHOUT)
 
3,000 years ago, King Agamenmon III lost an entire city. One moment it was there, the next it had completely vanished. In this program, we will examine in detail the sketchy events surrounding this legend that a small child totally made up 2,500 years ago, and piece together a laughable fabrication of what clearly never happened. Espousing ridiculous details from one insignificant artefact dug up in the 1970s, we will present utter tripe, and try to make you believe it actually happened by excessive exaggeration and misleading intonation of the words could and may.
 
 
CUT TO:
 
EXT. ANCIENT CITY -- DAY
 
Pan of recreated city life at street level. Pans continue from different angles.
 
Everyone is wearing white togas.
 
NARRATOR
 
Using expensive computer generated imagery and repeatedly showing the same recreated scenes with actors – still wearing digital watches if you look closely enough – we will guide you on a journey that will briefly distract your seven-year-old from poking the cat to enquire doubtfully, "Dad, did that really happen?"
 
 
CUT TO:
 
INT. ANCIENT WALL CARVINGS -- DAY
 
Slow pan of ancient wall carvings depicting battles.
 
NARRATOR
 
Conveniently neglecting to mention that King Agamenmon III was actually a brutal ruler who sacked Alexandria four hundred years after the dates we state, he will be described as a great hero for conquering an extensive domain. Although there is clear evidence that he massacred 200,000 slaves on a whim, and that his forces burned babies alive as they tore through peaceable communities, we will continue to insist that he was perhaps the greatest man in history. This is despite the fact that we suggest he misplaced an entire civilisation.
 
 
CUT TO:
 
EXT. RECREATION OF ANCIENT CITY CHAOS -- DAY
 
FOREGROUND: Inhabitants cower, staring in horror to the heavens.
BACKGROUND: Other inhabitants flee in all directions.
 
NARRATOR
 
Using simplistic language so as not to lose dim viewers, we will do little more than make obvious suggestions, like the people of this civilisation would have been terrified during the experience of such a trauma as the loss of their city.
 
 
CUT TO:
 
INT. OPULENT MUSEUM REFERENCE ROOM -- DAY
 
A middle-aged man with a bushy grey beard and glasses is sat behind a vast wooden desk. He wears an ill-fitting suit, and sports a ridiculous bowtie.
 
NARRATOR
 
Dr. Hansbeardy Schpectacled of the Institute of Unbridled Extrapolation in Berlin, is the world's leading authority on the artefact we've gained access to...
 
 
CUT TO:
 
INT. ARTEFACT –- DAY
 
Slow rotation around the artefact: extravagantly lit and in soft focus.
 
NARRATOR
 
Although it appears to be the broken handle of a jug, he will state with conviction that is an ancient fertility symbol.
 
 
CUT TO:
 
EXT. ANCIENT CITY –- DAY
 
Computer-generated track from directly above the city.
 
NARRATOR
 
Working from nothing more than this unremarkable piece, of greatly inflated historical importance, our highly creative graphic designers have rebuilt an entire computer model from their own imaginations, revealing in extraordinary detail exactly what the lost city could have looked like.
 
 
CUT TO:
 
EXT. REPEATED COMPILATION OF PREVIOUS GRAPHICS AND RECREATIONS
 
NARRATOR
 
The outright hokum we share with you in this farce of a documentary will be drawn out over the course of the next hour. By recapping everything in the first segment after each ad break we'll somehow manage to stretch this program for an entire hour. Under the banner of a once trusted iconic name associated with genuine discovery, we will do nothing more than drag its formerly proud name through the dirt once again.
 
Stay with us, as we take you on a dull and repetitive journey after the break...
 
 
FADE TO:
 
INT. TITLE SCREEN
 
STILL: "When Graphic Artists Make Up The Past."
 
THE END
 


© Copyright 2018 stevebasnett. All rights reserved.

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