Le Desperado d'amour
The thing about Liz was that he wanted her bad.Their affair was still fresh, had just barely started, so he couldn’t get enough.Everything about her
was just right.She was petite, exotic, (half Apache) and her hair reached to her butt.She made him feel like a man.So, when three weeks later, she’d grown sick of him and had enough, he knew he was
in trouble.He’d known all along he’d only been intriguing because she’d been intriguable.He’d only been seductive because she’d been seducible. He knew his limitations. But now he was in deep, and
knew he couldn’t go cold turkey.He’d have to taper off slowly.How? Bysleep ing with her one more time.So he came up with a plan.
The first thing to do was to plant a thought in her mind.So he drove to her work.She worked for a dude he’d gone to school with.She stuffed tuxedos
into wrappers in a tuxedo shop.When he got there that’s exactly what she was doing.He walked in the back door.
“Hi Baby, what’s up?”
She gave him a stare that read, “Not welco
“You wanna go out to eat tonight?”
“No, I can’t.We’re all going to a movie after work.”
“So that’s how it is,” he answered tersely, “Well, I just got some rojos.You’re not the only one who can eat them you know.”
With that he walked out, hopped in his car and drove away.Simple as that.Just mentioning rojos would send up a red flag.Rojos, or reds, was the street
name for seconals, a serious barbiturate.She loved them but knew he couldn’t handle them. Just one would put him out; as it had that first night they partied. They were her drug of choice. It was
the Apache in her. Barbiturates were the closest thing to alcohol there was in the pill world. She’d developed the stamina to stay up and keep on partying, fighting their effects.He hadn’t.He’d
always been a smoker, not a splasher. Barbiturates were not his cup of tea.So she knew he was desperate.
“That should be enough,” he thought, and he was right.All it took was his hint and a couple hours of her imagination to work.That was his recipe for
success, one red flag and a little imagination.
When he called up Jim, her boss, his instructions were these:
“You takin’Liz and Robin to a movie tonight?”
“I’m gonna get Liz over here if it kills me.I want to know what’s up with her.Call to let me know, but give me the signal. Ring, hang up, then ring
again.Otherwise I won’t answer.”
“O.K.We’re leaving right after work.”
The thing about Jim was that they were thick as thieves, having known each other since third grade.It had been hanky-panky in school when they were
younger, now it was hanky-panky in the street.They’d grown older that’s all. When he hung up he looked at his watch.It was six. He had over two hours to prepare.The first thing he did to get ready
was to roll a joint and make a list.
He needed to think.Like Lawrence Olivier playing Hamlet, he would make it the performance of a lifetime. He wanted her that bad.He didn’t want to be left alone.
By the time the joint was glowing half-way down he knew what he needed.It would all be based on the performance, a bit of scenery setting, and two
props.Where could he get two cans of beer?That one was easy.There were two empties still in the trash from the last time she was over.Budweiser.He couldn’t stand the stuff.If she’d had told him she
drank Draino there would have been empty tins of it in the trash.With women he did whatever it took.Name your poison.He fished the cans out and considered just where they should go.But no, the car
should be first, as that’s what she’d see on arrival.The car would be the first clue.
Out at the curb was where it was parked.He started it up and turned the wheel toward the curb till it touched.Then he gunned it a bit ‘till one wheel
crept up over the curb.
“Typical way a drunk would park,” he said to himself, “or a dude on rojos.”
Then, half-way up the walkway to the door he dropped the first can.
“Typical sloppy splasher,” he said.
Then he closed the door with the lock thrown, but not quite.You could still open it but not fail to see that it had been improperly locked. In the
center of the rug he placed the other empty can. He felt a little like Hansel or Gretel dropping breadcrumbs.
“She’ll be hot on the trail now.”
Just then the telephone rang.Then it rang again, and again, and again.He let it.About ten minutes later it rang with the code.It was Jim.
“They’re talkin’ about you.She’s getting all worked up.We got one movie to go, it’s a double feature.”
“Good,” he replied, “let them talk.”
Why shouldn’t they talk about him?Both girls knew him and his ways.Besides, wasn’t he their best weed connection?I mean, a guy’s got to be popular
with the ladies doesn’t he? Whatever it takes. Of course they cared.He was a valuable asset Time, at this point, wason his side only.
He played a few tunes, but not too loud.He didn’t want to miss the phone.About ninety minutes later it rang again, about fifteen times.When he heard
that he smiled, not to her, not to the darkness, just to himself.Then within minutes it rang with the code.
“She’s all upset,” said the Jimster, “We’re coming over.”
“Whatever you see, Jim,” he counseled, “don’t believe it.”
“I won’t,” he laughed, “I won’t.”
He turned on the kitchen sink, splashed some water on himself near his hair, face, and the front of his shirt.He left it running, then walked into the
living room and peered out the window, up the street, into the darkness, looking for headlights. He didn’t have long to wait.While they were still a half block away he ran up the stairs to the
bedroom and flung himself on the bed. He waited; nothing. No sounds.After five minutes; nothing. It was a false alarm.
“What kind of jerk am I?” he thought, and trooped back down the stairs. The next time it was real.All the way real.
He ran up the steps again, fell prostrate on the bed, attempting a pose that was as wasted as possible.Then he heard voices. First they were at the
door, then nearer, then in the kitchen.He heard the water turned off and empty beer cans hit the sink.Then it was her footsteps on the stairs.
Right then at that second was when he knew where he went wrong.He hadn’t thought it all out.
“How can I,” he thought, “a guy O.D.ing on a combination of alcohol and barbiturates possibly hope to perform?I’m almost out cold.I’m a mess.I’m the
last man on earth who can get it up.Oh my God, what have I done?”
Then he heard her voice. It said,
“Oh Baby, what’s happened to you?”
Yeah, she coddled him like a big baby. Why not? That’s what he was.Yeah, the others left.And yeah, he did sleep with her as planned.But in order to
keep her Apache blood from killing him he cuddled up, played dumb, and there was no hanky-panky as expected.They slept quite close, like two nestled spoons, and the last thing he remembered was how
warm she felt, and the scent of her long black Indian hair.The last thought he had before he slipped into a non-drug- induced unconsciousness was,
“And I’ll think of some way to get her back.After all…tomorrow is another day.” He was a regular Scarlet O’Hara.
Oh, and yeah, it was the performance of a lifetime.
© Copyright 2016 Steven Hunley. All rights reserved.