Shop Girl Indicators
“Their earrings are their indicators.By observing them you can tell which ones are good in bed.Now don’t get all upset just ‘cause I said it.Just get
all upset if it’s true.So get all upset.It is.”
That’s what the man said.
We were in Lenny’s.You all know Lenny’s.It’s that neighborhood dive in San Pedro perched there on the corner across the street from Von’s.I go there
not just to wet my whistle, but to ear-hustle from Steve, the man with the most game in all San Pedro.It was him wot wrote “How to Have Great Game.”Everybody knows him in the hood.He was talking to
a couple of us younger ones, just cubs really, when I overheard a few choice words.
Now the boys were paying attention.And Silvy, the girl at the bar, started paying attention too.
“Imagine a shop girl from Subway Sandwiches, Mc Donald’s or a checker in Vons or Food for Less.All businesses try to make them look the same like
little droids.All the same like women in the Robert Palmer video Addicted to Love.All all the same-like. But girls ain’t dumb.”
“How so, Steve?”
“They’ll show you their differences no matter what tops their bosses put on them, no matter how unfashionable the tops they shove them into.Here’s how
they do it.”
This was when Silvy started taking notes on the back of her receipt pad.
“You gotta be careful with shop girls; they’re a cautious variety of Bird.You gotta creep up real quiet like.When you spot a good one, you give her
left hand the eye, and look for the ring.If it’s not there you gotta chance.Now’s the time to really size her up and give her the once over.If you like the package wrapping and if the candy smells
good you look for the indicators.With shop girls it’s hands off!You know?But the indicators, the indicators are all eyes on.”
The boys listened intently.Instead of all eyes, they’d become all ears.
“Necklaces can’t be seen.They keep these uniform tops and shirts close on the top. They don’t want the male customers to bother their heads thinking
about cleavage.So, when you come to the only custom apparel you can spot that only leaves one thing, the earrings.That’s alright if you know how to read them.Here’s how.”
Steve hesitated and looked at his watch.It was a quarter to five.Only two sips of his beer were left in his glass.
“I gotta leave soon,” he said, “I’ve got somewhere to be.”
“It’s not time yet,” said one of his friends.He was of his grad students in the subject of Women and wanted to complete his thesis on time.Maybe he
was just hard up for a date.
“Tell us the rest Oh Exulted Master.”
“O.K.” he responded, “I will.”
“If they’re ostentatious… no good.She’s needy, wants attention.
If they’re not, then she picks out the design to please herself.That’s good.Here’s why:
Women who want to satisfy themselves are better in bed.Attention-getting girls fall apart as soon as they’ve reached their threshold.They’ve already
got about all the attention they’re going to get from you. So they don’t know what to do with themselves.Then it’s all downhill from there.
The others are all uphill but at least you’ve got somewhere to go.At least you’ve got a view, a bed with a view. What could be better?A woman doing
her thing is a thing to be admired. So now you know.I’ve done my job.Now you’re on your own boys.But really… next time… think about the earrings… and pay attention!”
With this our note books were closed.
He took the last sip of his beer and jammed out the door.Silvy put away her receipt pad and pencil.Class was obviously over.
“Where’s the Exulted Master going?” I asked Silvy.
“The shift at Von’s is changing,” she said, “He’s going to pick up a girl.”
A hush drew over the crowd.We hit the window as one.You could see from across the street, him disappear from the parking lot and enter the
Noses were pressed to the glass.
“There he is!” said one.
“He’s coming out!” said another.
“What’s she like?” said a third, “can you see her?”
When they saw what they saw a collective sigh fogged the glass.Drool dripped down which had to be wiped off later.
“But,” said a fourth, who needed closure to his lesson, “Her earrings, her earrings?What about her damn earrings?”
“My God,” said Silvy, “What’s up with that?She hasn’t got any on.”
© Copyright 2016 Steven Hunley. All rights reserved.