My eyes searched in the darkness. Finally I find the blinding blue light of the alarm clock and reach down on the ground beside the bed and chuck my big blue bear at it. The clock read : 6:45. So, in my just woken up daze I thought that if I hit it hard enough it would go to 7:00. I don't want to get up, I don't want to drag my ass to math class. Every one of my joints screeched in pain. Then, I think of Dianna, Kesha, Nate, Matt, Alec, Timothy, Brady, and Rick. All my friends that are going to be at school. Diannas my little sister and Kesha's my baby girl. I feel the regular flash of protectiveness when I think about my best girls. The there's Nate, who obviously loves Kesha, he's our little warrior. Even if he's the one we're fighting, I will always be there to fight beside him when he needs me to. Not when he wants me to, but when he needs me to. I think, reminding myself of his stubborn nature. Matt, Brady, and Timothy are our man child's. I think fondly of all of them, and continue to. Alec and Rick are more quiet then the rest of us. Rick is very nice and polite. Sure he's quiet, but he likes it like that so I don't push. Alec, now he's hard to some up. He's a little icy around the edges, and some people might see that as rude and cruel. But I know he just uses that as deflectors so no one can see the cocky, smarter, and downtown earth warm boy on the inside. With those last thoughts I rench my screaming body into a sitting position so I don't fall back asleep. And arthritis pain shoots to flick my wrist and back like usual. Me and Alec a little alike in a wierd and tiny way. We both use words and judgement to keep people that we feel we can't trust from hurting us. I pull myself up so I'm standing and start walking toward the door of my bedroom. My mirror is on the way. The girl in the mirror is beautiful. The only flaw it the scar that can't be seen from underneath her eyebrow from the time she had dragged a pair of siccors across it. I wince, my couple seconds of self-conference evaporates. For I know that the girl in the mirror is not the girl of reality. And the girl of reality is anything but beautiful. I wince and carry my head the rest of the way to the door. My greasy blonde hair encloses my face just the way I wish I could actually hide from my imaginary people. I fly down the flights of stairs, wincing as I feel my knee joints rub together. But I limp on, like every day I have for a long time. I was sitting down, allowing my tired eyes rest for just a moment just as my mom clapped her dramatic entrance. She was some song to my cat. Asking her if she was a killer, a filthy killer. I smile and walk to the wooden pantry for some toast and mom starts whistling at my but. I bite back another "I'm not sexy" and just roll my eyes. I quickly jump into the shower. I'm out of the door just as the ugliness of my personality seeps into my looks. The bags of insomnia sew into the underside of my eyelid. My nose gets red from my stupid allergies. Nothing really important happens at school except Nate gets announced with all of his track friends because they did really good at one of their tournament thingies. That and I sat down at lunch and found that I was seated between Nate and Matt. It kind of freaked me out so I poked him until he moved next Dianna, who put her arm around him. He doesn't like her, he's very much in love with Kesha. My little girl and warrior. Quite dramatic if you'll believe me. When I got home I quickly Putin my dress, unused to the prickly fabric of girliness. Then my mom takes it to another lever and puts gunk in my hair. I don't mind the makeup though, it's the only thing that makes me look halfway decent after a halfway decent day of school. Hey, but I don't mind being ugly, because if a guy likes me, he should like me for me, not for some flimsy dress. Then I get to the dance. It takes my breath away, that it's all for this grade, that all this people did so much work to make us feel welcome in out formal farewell. I almost cry. I catch up with Timothy, but he's really not in the mood. We then sit with Matt, Nate, Alec, and Brady but they end up ditching us for another table. I look over at them. Am I a freak? Is that why no one wants to sit by me? My stare asks them and their stare back tells me yes. I look down and dip my face in my hair again. There goes my self-conference. I finally find Kesha and she is sitting with some really nice girls. When Dianna sits down all of them look fine, but when I do they all look like they want to vault. It takes all my will not to vault to the bathroom. Then awhile later there's dancing. The first two slow dances go uninventful, like always no one asks me to dance. But my heart hurts. It hurts a lot, and like usually my imagination makes everything seem worse since I had imagined everything so much better than it actually was. Then after the second slow song Nate starts to show off some flips. He wanted Kesha's attention, it was so clear. The clearest he's ever been in fact. But Kesha's attention seems to be pinned on me, what is my baby girl thinking? So I feel so sorry about Kesha not paying any attention to him that I clap for Kesha. I want her to notice him so much that I tried to keep Nate on the floor. I kept him from sitting down. Then after another hurting uninventful slow dance, Nates brother Dax starts dancing with me. Not during the slow songs, those were resolved for his girlfriend Chrissy, but he loved to dance with the older crowd. At the second last dance it almost looked like Brady was going to ask me to dance. But no, he just asked to use the chair I was sitting on. I didn't know wether to be glad or sad. The pain seemims to lessen though, since I'm so used to it. Then when the regular music comes back on I finally get Alec to dance to. At first I tugged on his sleeve and begged him to. I first saw his brown eyes flash a steely rust color as he rejected the fast pace music, but I saw his eyes soften to a chocolate hue. Huh. That's new. He doesn't do much but I'm glad he joined in. He's actually smiling. Cool. He even laughs a few times and joins in on our dancing. Was he drinking the same thing we all were? Then was the very last song of the night. A slow song. I sit on what I'm seeing as my seat now. Kesha comes to me asking me to dance but I decline, hoping that she'll ask Nate. She does, and I squeal as I see his face light up like the fourth of July and every ounce of armor fall straight to the ground. He wants to be on the same level and Kesha. I feel some of my protectiveness disappear because I know that she'll be safe with him. I look over and see Dianna dancing with Matt. Finally! I see Alec taking pictures of someone and I moved forward to see who. He met me halfway and showed me a picture of Dianna looking at Matt and Matt looking at the camera, sticking his tongue out. Funny. Alec's mouth quirks up and he says "That's a keeper." We both laugh. I suddenly wonder if it would be ok to ask him to dance. It had just occurred to me that I had always wanted to slow dance just because everyone else was. But now I just wanted to dance with a friend and have fun. So why the hell shouldn't I be able to? "Would you like to dance?" did I actually say that right? Ahhh, here comes the-"Yes." rejection. Did he just...? Ohhh, so that's what it feels like. Acception. "I really don't know what to do.." My eyes soften. Maybe I intimidate people with my dancing. Ohhh... I show him how I learned with my dad and we start sort of swaying. This is sort of.... Odd. "I'm sorry I might step on your toes." he laughs nervously. "So you have two left feet." I ask. The music was really loud and I don't guarantee he said this, but I swear I heard it. "Nah, I'm right handed." Sure I wouldn't be able to tell you this story in thirty years. Sure it wasnt perfect. But it was pretty damn good for a first time
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Book / Non-Fiction
Book / Non-Fiction
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