My Unthoughtful Thoughts

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Poetry  |  House: Booksie Classic
A rambling of me fighting depression and trying to understand my life. Trying to understand why I even have a life. Underneath the bitterness and hatred, there's something more.

Submitted: September 22, 2013

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Submitted: September 22, 2013

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Don't get me wrong, my heart is not missing.
I know exactly where it is, I guess I'm just missing the point of giving it away.
Now that it's the end of the day,
My love is torn away in every direction.
And this infection
Has never once brought me full satisfaction.
A piece was left there,
And a thought is here,
Understanding that my life was wasted but not from the beer.
I'm done with the drugs and drinking
But now I'm forcing my over thinking and my paranoia is sinking my thoughts of being something that I'm not.
Perfection has always been a lie, and I'm the root of the deception standing in line, waiting for my next batch of undeserved forgiveness just so I can throw it away and get caught in this sickness of lying and lusting over false idols of rusting statues and trophies.
Apologize again, and ending up lonely.
Only to be loved by no one around me.
I pushed away the creator so I can have His gifts that were manipulated by me. And I take advantage of the fifth time I've said I'm sorry. But not sorry.
I feel worthless and hopeless but know this, I'm not over this.
I see my faults as what they are, so should I step back before I've gone too far?
The python constricted me but only because I let it do so.
I know though my father needs me home.
So why am I running? It follows me like a sweet stunning sight of the night.
The love I knew is not what He had in mind.
God bring me back to how it used to be.
Where my prayer time was my biggest worry.
I need you and no one else.
Get away the darkness of Hell.
I'm breaking up with you, and moving to someone better.
You never cared you just wrote fancy letters that spoke evil things.
Evil things disguised as a sweet sensation that trapped me.
But no longer will I fall.
Because my father has conquered it all.
Can you even say you're right, if you don't know what's wrong!?
So my God, you are my song!
Everyone sing along as I burn to the ground waiting for a miracle to come along and take me away from the mess that I've made.
Why have I been so ashamed!?
I shy my face away from your word because I wanted to wash myself in dirt.
The earth is nothing and I will be something once I start living for everything.
You are my everything.
So adventure into my unthoughtful thoughts to see me turn from the person I'm not into the one I was called to be...
And no matter where I am, I know you'll always love me.


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