Bowling Alley

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More Details
Status: In Progress  |  Genre: Humor  |  House: Booksie Classic
A seemingly malevolently character really, really likes chairs.

Submitted: January 17, 2020

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Submitted: January 17, 2020

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“Well that’s highly unfortunate” moaned Gummy Wizgy. 

 

“AAAHHHHAAAA!!!” wrenched the attention of the crowd from the opposite end of the bowling alley. Standing nearly 8 feet tall, rigorously toned, perspiration-covered muscles bulging from the single piece, 2-sizes-too-small lion-stripe latex gymnastics suit, the monster of a man respirated violently, his face a hideously contorted picture of sheer domestic cruelty. He radiated malintent, bent over with chest exaggerated outwards, like a wrestler on cocaine. Several humanoids collapsed under the sheer radiance of his wickedness. One obese 30-year old man, Jonathan, flexed his left arm towards the ground in an attempt to catch himself from falling; the weight of his frame snapping his forearm in two. He screamed pale-faced in agony before dying of a heart attack. Two young girls in ponytails and pink dresses ran to him, screaming “Daddy!” as they collapsed upon his corpse and began feasting.

The crowd’s attention was wrenched back to the malignant villain shining in front of them. “I’M BILL! AND I’LL SHOW YOU HIGHLY UNFORTUNATE!!!”

He sprang forward towards a crowd of people, grabbed a chair and started humping it aggressively. The crowd stared in confusion. Then one guy said aloud to himself “oh, i get it,” and starting humping another chair, “Like this.” Then another person joined in, and then another, and soon the whole bowling alley was humping chairs. 

The muscular guy squirmed into the bathroom while humping the chair, making grunting and squealing noises like a pig while on his way, closing the door behind him. A thick, wet crack was heard from within that bathroom. To this day, the greatest scholars and scientific minds linger on the cause of that sound. Adonis entered the bathroom to check what happened. There was neither man nor chair left intact, only diced entrails and chunks of plastic strewn about the floor. Adonis froze in alarm, thinking perhaps some still-present creature perpetrated this art. Adonis took a deep breath and steeled his nerves. He took a step forward to investigate, accidentally stepping on a chunk of sinew and slipping upside down into a metal bench, rupturing his right testicle and fainting.

 


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