Trash Check One

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Science Fiction  |  House: Booksie Classic

Forgotten Garbage reintroduced 01/21/2014
A short story for haunt sorrows contest, using words that aren't in my dictionary.

Trash Check One

Forgotten Garbage


“Uhearder, open hailing frequencies to His Loneliness on the planet Forgotten.” ordered the garbage scowl commander, Captain Justice P. Dirt of the Unlisted Salvage Ship, Fertilizer, Negotiable Crap for Cash 121212.

“Slingfood, make preparations to put us into orbit.”

“Aye, aye Captain.” replied the helmsman, Lieutenant Hurlatyou Slingfood.

“Captain, I'm detecting a Bringiton battle cruiser in low orbit as well as a Comealong bird of prey.” said Missta Spot.

“Bridge to engineering, Sloppy, we may be engaging in a bit of a Mungo fight. Can our engines take us to rapid speed if we have to use the rap engines?” the captain asked as he gazed ahead at the view screen.

“Againa Captain? I justa fixed the danga things ana you wanna take them to rapid speed thisa early?” asked the engineer, Commander Mount O. Slop.

“You fix pizzas to die for Sloppy, why can't you fix engines to live for?” Dirt asked in return as the turbo lift doors parted and Ensign Partial Checkoff came on to the bridge and took a seat at navigation's.

“I'll see what I canna do Captain!” answered Mister Slop from engineering.

“His Loneliness is on an unsewered channel sir, shall I---

“I know he'll stink, Uhearder, but unsewered will have to do. Put him on.” Dirt said as he stood up from his command chair.

“Ah, Captain Just Pure Dirt of the star junker Fertilizer, are we so ever glad for your arrival at our---

“Your Highnuts, I'm not here to engage in inaniloquent babble, I'm here to pick up your castaways, garbage, refuse!” Dirt replied.

“And the name is Justice P. Dirt, like I told you last month when---

“Captain, you're nothing but just pure dirt to me, for I am a high class citizen and you are the lowest of---

“Like I said, before I let the Bringitons and the Comealongs trash your planet to the max, the name is Justice Puree Dirt from the planet Whogivesashi... that's Whogivesashi---

“Shit, Captain, the Bringitons have opened their refuse doors and jettisoned their entire crew compliment of garbage into orbit!” Spot said as he looked up from his scanner.

“Captain Dirt, I've been informed that the Bringitons have dumped their garbage into Forgotten orbit! What do you intend to do about it?” His Loneliness asked heatedly.

“After an apology from his Highnuts, Ill clean up the mess, that's what I do best.” the captain of the Fertilizer replied.

“An apology, an apology! You can go straight back to Whogivesashi, do you hear me Dirt, Whogivesashi---

“Shit, Your Highnuts, the Comealongs have dumped their garbage into Forgotten orbit as well!” Spot spoke out.

“Missta Spot, why do you always have to say shit... when anyone mentions my home planet?” Dirt asked as he spun around to face his cursed officer at the scavengers station.

“I am a Foulthing, Captain, half humorous and half foul, do you understand what that makes me---

“Stop... using... your lampropheny on me... Missta Spot!” Dirt stormed back.

“Hey up there, Fertilizer, we are being dumped upon down here!” cried out His Loneliness.

“I'm awaiting my apology, Your Highnuts!” Dirt bellowed as he turned to face the view screen.

“Apologize this, Captain Dirtiness, if you don't clean up that mess in the orbit of my planet, you can go back to yours without any credits to spend on your precious star junker!” the Forgotten ruler blasted back at the captain.

“Uhearder, credit alert, checking stations everyone! And Partial, fully this time, Mister Checkoff!”

“Standing by to fire the janitors, Captain.” Slingfood said over his right shoulder.

“No, not this time, Mister Slingfood, prepare to shoot the payers if we don't get any credits for this job.” Dirt said as he sat down in his chair and stared ahead at the mess in the orbit of the Forgottens world while touching the Finnimbrun that he wore around his neck, on a gold chain.

Page One



















Submitted: July 31, 2014

© Copyright 2022 Stormbird Throneshaker. All rights reserved.

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Add Your Comments:


Ally Shark

That's pretty funny! I like the names. Just gotta ask: How the heck did you come up with this????? It's pretty good.

Wed, January 22nd, 2014 12:11pm


I picked a name, let's take James Tiberius Kirk for an example.
Now I have a little fun, by changing it to Justice Puree Dirt.
Then I had to come up with a wiz bang story to put around that name... this was the hard part, especially with those words that haunt sorrow laid upon me!
Thanks a million acorns to you, ha, ha, ha!

Wed, January 22nd, 2014 5:13am

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