It was there.

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: True Confessions  |  House: Booksie Classic
A journey towards self realization.

Submitted: June 16, 2012

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Submitted: June 16, 2012

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It was a feeling which over-powered me, so much that I myself had lost control as to what I did, how I did and why I did it. I regretted actions which were not meant to be, no matter how. I wanted it to stop. But, the only problem was I didn't know how. Nothing ever seemed to help. I was slowly losing hope, faith and the will-power to continue as I wasn't sure as to what faith and luck had in store for me. I could feel myself, slowly distant from all around me, it was like I was pushing them away. Yet - it was unintentional. I wanted to run away, far from all this turmoil, pain, grief, misery but I didn't know where. I tried to keep myself occupied in things less relivant. That to didn't work as no matter what I did, when I did, my mind always seemed to be preoccupied in things which were most irrelevant to my life at that moment. I spent sleepless nights trying to conquer and overpower it. But in vain. I took pills to overcome my depression, but that to didnt help cure my paranoia. Maybe, maybe I would never be the same. Maybe all hope was lost. Maybe I was lost. Everything was just - 'MAYBE'. I dreamt of a life that was beyond, an uncertain future, always unseen, always unkempt for. As days went by, slowly my existence became a tryst with survival, a fight towards living a normal life. I drifted further towards a dark hole from where there was no turning back. I had become an emotional freak. The only question in my head was "Will I ever be the same?". As more days drifted by, I slowly realised my problem. I was seeking answers. I wanted to know who I was. Where was I standing with my life at that exact moment? Answers to such questions and more, answers which could only be given by me. I knew I couldn't hold myself back any longer else I would die, a slow unhappy death. I certainly was not gonna let that happen. Not now after suffering all the way through. I wasn't going to give up now. If I seeked answers, I was surely going to give them. I wrote. And wrote. And wrote. I bluttered out all my pent up rage, emotions, anger, hatred fear. Everything. Everything that was holding me back. Everything for which I was answerable. And slowly I went back to gaining composure, to becoming myself. I loved the feeling. It was as if a long lost battle had just been won. I loved the joy and satisfaction my mind provided. Things slowly went back to normal. But one small thing which still didn't leave my head was - 'Maybe'. Maybe, I still wasn't cured yet. Maybe I'd have to wait longer. Maybe. 


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