The Bond of Marriage

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I have shared with this writing some interesting aspects of my husbands love in my 10years of marriage life and the reasons why bond of marriage is stronger than love. This is a tribute to my 10th anniversary.

Submitted: September 18, 2015

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Submitted: September 18, 2015

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The Bond of Marriage

 

It’s like yesterday when we were wed locked and ten years have passed like a second. As each year passed the love towards that man never faded and actually it multiplied. Looking back at my married life there are many simple moments of love which I like to share with everyone. Many may think that I love him badly as I am very expressive and just my Facebook posts will be quite enough for my friends to know my love for my husband. Being an inexpressive guy who never express his feelings ,sometimes even I may think  whether he love me to the same extent I do. But living with him for 10 years and knowing him for more than 20 years I should not have that doubt. Still I am a woman, I doubt everything I come across, its my manufacturing defect.

 But there is a question why a girl should be in madly love for a guy. I thought about myself why should I love a person more than myself? When I searched answers for my question, I got to remember many sweet memories of our past marriage life. To a person who is physically near us, they may not say that we are ideal couples. We do fight for the simplest things on earth. We do quarrel a lot for the silly things that exists in this world. At the end of the day we even forget why did we fight or what’s the reason for our quarrel. Sometimes in my early years of marriage I felt that only we two are like this and others are really happy couples. But things change as the days passed by. Those fights and quarrels never separated us but actually they brought us together. That’s the bond of marriage. Now I can say one thing the only person to whom I can shout at and express all my anger is my husband. Whatever I speak in frustration he never took into his hearts. If he would have taken all those rubbish words we would have divorced long back. And even I knew whenever he is angry on me is just an outburst of his stress or his extreme way of caring me.

 Fight and quarrels will not just make a married life complete. There is something beyond that; Love and caring matters a lot. There are many instances where I have admired Prasanna’s care for me. I have really wondered whether it’s true or not. The first day when I entered his house after our marriage, I felt little bit in secured to be in a new house with new persons. I started crying in the night because everything was new to me. He became really tensed and asked me whether anybody hurted you. That question itself made me feel that he is not going to leave me in any unpleasant situations in future. But I couldn’t speak anything and was just crying in fear of new environment. But to my shock tears were rolling in his eyes and he told me that because of me, you are facing all these troubles. I suddenly stopped crying and consoled him that I am okay and from that day I decided not to hurt him anymore. But still I always feel guilty that I have made such a strong person to cry few times in his lifetime.

From that day he started caring me more whenever I am in his house. Even now when I go to my in-laws house his care will be really so special. Daily night we used to have dinner with my in-laws at 10pm. Sometimes I would sleep without taking dinner since my timings is totally different from their family. Whenever I sleep early without taking dinner waiting for his parents, he would come and feed me in sleep in my room. I used to eat in half sleep with hesitation but he will never left me to sleep without eating the food. Even now he do the same thing  in my in-laws house. I don’t think even my mother would feed me like him.

Like this there are many instances which I really moved by his untold care which is known only to me. One day his mother was preparing dosa and she asked me to eat. For formality I just said I would eat later and let others eat. When I was sitting near him in the dining table, he usually pass the dosa given to him by his mother to me. He very well know that I am hungry and he would give his dosa and wait for his turn. This is happening even after 10 years of our marriage life.

Whenever we are going to any friends or relatives house for treat, I have noticed in many houses in our culture they used to keep chicken leg pieces to men and some small pieces to women. Also while serving food in plantain leaves they serve with so called thalaivalai elai (Banana leaf) to men and other leaves to women. But Prasanna knew that I like to eat chicken bone pieces and in thalaivalai elai, he always try to give his served chicken to me and transfer his thalaivalai elai. I have never asked him or even said thank you to him. Just will stare at him as though he is doing a mistake.

I don’t know why everything I am saying about food. But I have to say another thing about food. As a foodie he never asked me to cook this and that. Whenever I ask what to cook, he would just say, anything is okay. Whatever I cook he would eat and this made me to try new things and improve my cooking. Because I am not a girl who can really live by compulsions. If he would have been demanding like other men I have seen, surely I would not have cooked properly. Some of my friends ask about the secret of my receipes and its just Love. I just like to say that whoever cooks men or women in a family that’s not a matter. It’s just the love transforms into a delicious food

Leaving all simple things aside he was behind my success in all my endeavors and pillar of strength to each and every step in my career. We married at the age of 23. I always had a fear of my career, since we married too early in our life. I had no intentions of marriage till I finish my postgraduate degree. When we opened our affair to our parents they wanted us to marry quickly. But according to me a girl should stand in her own leg and not depend on others for her livelihood. So I wanted to do my postgraduate degree very badly. When I insisted on Prasanna he thought for a while and asked me to wait for few months. As he promised within two months he completely closed all his business and job in Coimbatore so that we may move to Chennai. We moved to Chennai on June 1st 2006 exactly 8 months after our marriage to pursue a new career. At the age of 23rd we were really had fears of our future. With little money in hand I joined  in an entrance coaching center for my higher studies and he stayed in a bachelors room and started searching for new jobs in Chennai. First few days were really hard. We had very little money in our hand. We had some ego to ask our parents after our marriage. I was preparing for a postgraduate entrance, which was really a tough competitive exam. Whether I would get a seat was a really, a question mark? We had just money left for two months of my hostel fees. Sometimes my mum used to ask if I need money so that she would send. But in love marriage our ego will be too high to ask our parents. Whenever she asked I said, no. Luckily Prasanna got a job after a month in Chennai. It was just a month break that he had no job but for us it was like many years. Because after marriage answering relations about job is another tough one. Every problem solved when he got a job in Wipro technologies and from that day he started working for the company and the family. He know the value of his job and everything started falling in to place from then.

After a year I got a state rank in my entrance exam and got an MDS PG seat. I was very happy that I am going to study in my own leg as we used to get monthly stipends for our postgraduate degree. So Chennai is very special to us. We came to Chennai with nothing in our hands but it gave a respectful positon for both of us in the society.

Once I got a PG seat I wanted to plan for a child. But that time Prasanna said I still need time to get settled. Unlike others who actually spend honeymoons and enjoy days after marriage we were in the struggle of pursuing our career. My post-graduation was really a tough one. I have to work on Saturdays even on Sundays. I never cooked in home. We used to eat outside. He will eat in his canteen, I would eat in my college. He never ever complained anything to me. Some days even he just prepared dosa for me in the morning as I have to go as early as 6.30pm.

First week of my college he got me a two-wheeler. The worst part in that is he would follow me for few days all the way to the station where I used to park and get my local train. He was overprotective and always see that I am safe. But somehow now I got over his clutches of overprotection as I am always want to be an independent girl. Whenever we are out or even inside the house he would monitor each and every act of mine. His eyes will be always on me. Even in theaters he correctly knew in which sentimental scenes I would cry and comment me that I am still a baby. So whenever I feel like crying I just wanted to avoid being caught by his eyes but it never happened.

Days passed. We just want to move on and enter the next part of life as parents. I was in my final year of my PG. When Prasanna discussed about a child I said okay because I thought that I would get delivered after my PG exams and would be a correct time to take care of my baby. Unfortunately I became pregnant too early and my due was just one week before my exams. Everyone was shocked even my HOD asked how I am going to manage both. I was confident that I would finish both my labor and exams without a break and told him also that I would write the exam for sure. I was so confident because my mom took care of all my household chores and Prasanna would support me in all other activities. Even my friends, teachers would ask how you are so active in pregnancy and doing all work without any issues? The only answer I would say is that I don’t do any work at home. Because I have seen some of my co-PGs who were pregnant will be so tired because they were doing all works in home too.

Till these years we were concentrating only in work. But now we started hanging out with friends. Go for a movie every week. And life was fun till my delivery date arrived. Many thought I am not going to give my exams. My in-laws wanted me to go for a C-section so that I can write my exam too. But as usual I am adamant in what I want to do. I have to write my exams, I wanted a normal delivery. My exam on March 15th and my due on March 12th. It was a tedious moment. So one week before my due we went to the doctor and insisted for labor. Since my conditions were good she agreed to try normal delivery. I had an artificial induction and by god’s grace I delivered my first child on March 4th through normal delivery. Though I delivered I tortured Prasanna a lot. I have shared my moments of labor in my short story Labor ward. Since it was a vaginal delivery I know I can write my exams now. I had three theory and two practical exams. Theory was just a 3hr exam, so that was not a problem. I took that with ease. I pumped milk for my baby so that he can withstand in my absence of three hrs.

But practical exams was a difficult thing. It was a complete two full day exam. My mom and Prasanna used to stand in car outside my college campus. I used to come in breaks to feed my child and went to take my exams. My Hod was really supportive. There were four examiners who came allover India to examine me since I was a single PG taking the exams. The viva will be about four to five hours. All the four examiners will surround me and ask what all they know to evaluate me. It’s their job and they have come all the way to evaluate a woman who have just delivered her baby one week before. My HOD got permission from them and gave adequate breaks so that I would go and feed my baby. These are some rare instances where examiners wait for a candidate and it happened to me. Normally I know I am good at writing, I can manage theory papers well. But answering the viva is always the toughest job, that too feeding the newborn all the night and attending the viva in half sleep is not that easy as we think. I did an average performance in my practical exams. But somehow I knew I would pass. Without the help of family members and husband I don’t think this is possible at all. Prasanna helped me a lot in finishing my thesis, Library dissertation and taking care of my baby.

Throughout my life I never let him free. Once I got my results I couldn’t keep quiet. Prasanna said can you please take rest and look after the baby. I never stopped. I started looking for a job and looking for a place to practice. That time also he advised me “start any one thing. You will not have time to look after both job and clinic.” I never heard anyone words in my lifetime. The only answer was I can manage all the three including my baby. I started a clinic and also got a job. Whenever he said anything I never heard him, but he never took decisions without asking me. Even if he wants to give money to any of his friends or relations, or any other big move of his career he just discuss with me, get my opinion and carry on. The only thing is I will not say no to his ideas. On the other hand I always give an information to him that I am going to do this or that, never asked his permission or even discussed with him. Because girls will always have the guilty conscious that we should not be dominated by men as we are all living in a society of male dominance. However I try I couldn’t change myself.

Also, in this society where social drinking is so common among youngsters and in the corporate world. He is one of the guys who don’t drink or at least stopped social drinking for my sake. He very well knew that I would become badrakalli if he drinks. Now he have assured me that he will not drink at any circumstances and he is living up to his words till today. He just attend all parties of his friends by just drinking Coke or Pepsi. When I asked him what you would say if your friends or clients compel you to drink, he said I just say that I am medically advised not to drink and no one would compel me after that. Yes, everyone are medically advised not to drink but Prasanna is actually ordered by his wife.

I usually express my love and emotions in words or blogs but he expresses his love by his actions. Is there any choice other than loving this lovable guy? Even hatred would take chance to love him. I am writing all these things because of the gut feeling he is not going to read. He don’t have patience even to read my Facebook posts. He always says that my writings are little bit boring and advise me to write short and sweetly. Ya, I know I am not that interesting girl, little bit boring character with high principles and ambitions. Whenever I blabber something he says “why you become so serious. Take life easily”. But he is really an interesting guy to live with. Because boring girls really need interesting characters in their life to make it colorful.

To the people who always knew Suhanya as a calm and polite girl, this writing will show my other side. Even my father have asked me whether you will get angry or not. For that question my mother sarcastically said “you should see her fight with her sister and Prasanna”. Ya, only few peoples we actually show our real faces. Because they are the one who really love us and come back to us and say sorry even though the mistake is on us.

 

Suhanya Prasanna Kumar

 A Press of New thoughts

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


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