Drama Monologue

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Other  |  House: Booksie Classic
Just a monologue I wrote :)

Submitted: January 26, 2013

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Submitted: January 26, 2013

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So, I'm supposed to write about a happy moment in my life, why a happy moment? Of all the emotions to choose from she goes and chooses bloody happiness, not anger, sadness, depression, nope, fucking happiness, that woman drives me 'arghh'. May as well give it a shot I suppose, I mean what's the worst that could happen, oh yeah I could get torn apart by words, again. I don't even have a happy moment to write about, I don't think I've ever been happy, I mean I've smiled, once, I'm smiled once in my life, in all 18 years of my life I've smiled once, that was when dad died, I can't say that was a happy moment, I hated my dad and all, he was a cunt for what he did to me and mum, left us like that. I only smiled because I know that gave me a real reason to start again, to pick up the knife, to feel the cold blade against my wrist, to feel the blood slowly seep from my veins, I'm over that now, I'm over the self harm, it doesn't do it for me anymore, I mean it gives me the pleasure and everything, gives me the release that I need but I'm not worth the attention it gives me, when people see they pay me attention, they talk to me, I know they don't want to, they want to make themselves feel good, they want to make it look like they care so they can go home and feel good about themselves, they don't actually care about me, they only care about themselves. God people drive me fucking crazy, they really do, everyone says they will be there for me but when I really need them they've gone, I'm better off without people you know, I'll just sit here, alone, knife against my wrist, I won't cut or anything, I know I won't but just incase, I know, I'll get my trousers or something, tie them in an intricate slipknot, put it around my neck, I'll end it, right here, right now, give the world a fond farewell, not that it deserves it and then let go and slowly choke on the fabric. Mum wouldn't even notice for weeks, I swear I could run away for months on end, Come back and she wouldn't even realise I'd gone, she hates me, I know she does, she denies it, she says she loves me, says she will always be there for me but I know she won't, if I told her about me, about how I feel, how I feel about guys, how I should about girls, she'll hit me, she'll throw me out like yesterday's roast beef, she doesn't care about me, once again she only cares about her fucking self. I was an accident, I know I was, they didn't want me, they got married because she was pregnant, because of me, it's all my fucking fault, it's my fault he hit her, it's my fault he left us both for dead, if it wasn't for me she'd be happy, he wouldn't but he was never happy, why did it have to happen like that? They slept together, once, it was her first time, or at least that's what she said, and I'm the result, she was only 17, seventeen for God's sake, she's a christian as well, she shouldn't have done it, it's not her fault though, she didn't really think about it, she just wanted to be like her friends, fucking hell I hate society, the way they push girls to dress in nearly nothing, brush back their hair so it looks like they've just come through a fucking bush backwards, wear so much make up that they all look the same, surely they know that guys would really rather see them just chilling out, not even trying, I mean I know I'm not one to say but it's got to be true, right? I hate society, the way they exclude all the people that aren't 'normal', the ones with disabilities, different music tastes, different sexual preferences, different ethnicities and religions, sometime I feel like this country is turning into nazi gernany, all the 'outcasts' will soon be dead, they won't be killed but they will all be driven to fucking suicide, then only the popular kids would be left, I guess it will be a better world, everyone will be, no, what the fuck am I saying, this is bullshit. So miss, that qualify for a happy moment?


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