"And To Think All I Ever Wanted Was A Little Girl"

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Status: In Progress  |  Genre: Non-Fiction  |  House: Booksie Classic
the relationship between mother and daughter

Submitted: March 22, 2016

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Submitted: March 22, 2016



“And To Think All I Ever Wanted Was A Little Girl”

The Birthday Exchanges

A birthday present sometimes can be just what you always wanted you knew from the first time you picked it up looking at it all new and so beautiful you would Love it, you would be pleased and happy with it always…

As the years go by you notice the changes in your special birthday gift it’s starting to look older the beauty has nearly all vanished there are faint signs of mistreatment from the careless hands of others and occasionally when it got lost the happiness you normally felt towards your special gift has become over shadowed by the sadness of never seeing it again.

Somehow it always managed to resurface torn and broken you faithfully try to mend and clean away the appearance of it frequently being drug through the dirt and then discarded at your doorstep.  Your special birthday gift has been Loved, enjoyed, torn, broken, lost, found, repaired, cleaned, forgotten, remembered, discarded and needed. 

Now you and your gift sit you can both clearly see how the years have aged you, how the death of loved ones have sadden you, how life in the world has weakened you both, but most of all regardless of how hard you both try to keep a brave face as you admiringly look at one another, you can’t help wonder if it also shows the fear and the selfishness of not wanting to depart from the First Face you were meant to see.

There are some gifts that over the years you out grow and all you have are vague memories of how much joy you brought each other at first or a photograph of the two of you that displayed a happier time, but not the two of us, it was more than a special gift “it was Rare.”

Before you knew of me I was told by Jesus that you wanted a “Little Girl” so for your Birthday gift I thought it best if I show up a minute early to surprise you. (I heard in the future I would never be on-time for anything)

Over the years I’d jokingly say “I’m your un-returnable Birthday Gift, but you are not the only one who got their birthday wish answered; I wanted to see your face and I wished you would always Love me. It has been 55 years since we first laid eyes on one another answering each others wish for a Special Birthday Gift.  Thank you for letting me be your un-returnable birthday gift, I Love You and I want you to know even though I never lived my life the way you tried to raise me it’s all here inside of me I did hear you, but the main thing is you led me by example.

I wrote this letter at age 55 to put in a memory scrap book about her journey through life with “The Daughter She Always Wanted” but to her surprise she got Me it was to be a Birthday gift for her. Sadly she passed away a year later and never got to read this letter.  Our life went full circle it was 56 years ago she held me in her arms for the first time when I was born, and in turn 56 years later I held her in my arms as she passed on.


In Loving Memory Of Mattie E. Cosby Blackwell

July 4th 1927 – October 23rd 2015

Written by Kathi J. Awoola (Her Daughter)






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